Losers: Part II (Losers, #2)

by Harley Laroux

For those looking for a place to belong. You belong here. You always will.

“A sad person knows what another sad person looks like,” I said. I dared to reach out, brushing my fingers along her cheek to tuck a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear. Goosebumps prickled over her arms, and my eyes widened. “I hear it in your voice. I see it in your eyes. I feel it when I look at you. You deserve to be happy, but you’ll never find it with the people you’re choosing.”

I needed her to stay. I wanted her to. But the choice was hers and the only thing I could do now was show her this was where she needed to be. I needed to show her the possibilities, give her an experience she would never forget.

I wanted to blow her mind. I wanted to show her what life with us could be like, if she wanted it.

Most people didn’t consider being duct-taped and locked in a trunk to be a great start to their weekend. I wasn’t most people, though.

Same, girl.

Curled up at his feet, I was at his mercy. But I felt secure, safe. My trust for them didn’t leave any room for fear in my mind. I trusted them more than anyone I’d ever met.

I didn’t feel vulnerable because I feared being injured or hurt. I was vulnerable because I’d allowed myself to be. I’d told them what I wanted and they had chosen to fulfill that for me.

I could be weak. I could hand control over to them, let them take me and use me because I wanted them to. I could indulge my fantasies in exactly the way I needed to, no matter how ugly, offensive, shocking, or repulsive. There was no judgment here, no fear. Shame was just another toy we could play with, not a weapon.

At home, we had our separate spaces, but whenever we were all away, we usually slept together. It was comforting, easing unspoken anxieties and silent fears. Like surrounding ourselves with the feeling of home. Because really, our home wasn’t a house. It was each other.

“Like I’ve been kidnapped and ravaged by four wicked villains,” she said. “In other words, I feel fantastic.”

“I’m so sorry. For the things I said and did. For the way I made you feel. You’ve been a lot nicer than I deserve, Jason. You’ve done so much to protect me, and you really didn’t have to.”

“Sometimes, hurt people end up hurting people too.”

True

“I forgive you, Jess,” I said. “When you first came around, honestly, I didn’t think I could. I didn’t think I wanted to. But you surprised me. You fit in with us better than I thought you would.”

“I’m glad it’s different this time,” she said softly. “I want it to be different.”

Every time she touched me, it felt like she left a mark on me. My skin felt hot, almost electric, anytime her fingers came in contact.

I firmly believed humans were meant to spend their days lying in the sun, eating fruit, drinking booze, and fucking.

I agree Vince.

The world was a goddamn mess but as long as we were together, we could handle whatever life threw at us. I wanted Jess to be a part of “us.” In so many ways, it already felt like she was.

A day out in the woods wasn’t proper unless you looked like a wild creature when it ended.

Truth

“I don’t care if you’re wet,” I said. “I don’t care if you’re dirty or clean, or what you’re wearing or not wearing. You’re fucking beautiful and I can’t keep my hands off you.”

“Can you breathe, Jason?” I said, giggling softly as he hummed in the affirmative. “If I die, I die,” he said, before his mouth was on me again.

God, who was I kidding? This whole thing may have started with my foolish mistake and the debt I incurred because of it, but I couldn’t deny there was something here. Lust, crush fulfillment, more longing and attraction than I knew how to handle. We weren’t dating, per se, but I couldn’t keep denying we were damn close to it.

We weren’t at our best when one of us was struggling, but we wouldn’t let each other struggle alone.

Bondage could be subversive, it could be healing. Playing with power dynamics and control could be the most freeing thing some people would ever do.

It was about him, and for a man who liked to be called a God, he wasn’t nearly selfish enough.

“It isn’t easy to rewire your own brain.”

Not at all.

Somehow, amid the thrills and excitement of the dirty games we played, I’d become comfortable. When I was with them, I didn’t have to think about anyone’s disapproval. I didn’t have to care what went on outside our walls. They’d become my haven.

All throughout the dinner, Stephan’s words stuck in my mind. The blessing of new love. As I watched Vincent do magic tricks for Kristina, Lucas and Manson joking with Stephan, and Jason promising to play dolls with the twins after dinner, those words kept coming back to me. Love.

“Fate gave us another chance,” Vincent said, casting his eyes skyward as if this had been divinely planned. “I’ll be damned if I let that chance slip away this time.”

“Jess should be here,” Vincent said softly. But he was only stating what we were all thinking.

But when Vincent mentioned New York, I swear the entire world stopped for a split second. A world of possibilities — of hopes, fears, and what-ifs — flooded me in an instant. And the tide hadn’t receded yet.

God, anything I had to brag about — and I didn’t have much — was utterly forgotten at the sight of her. There wasn’t a single material thing in the world that could come close to being good enough for her. She deserved so much more than that.

Loved. That word kept coming up when I thought about her. It felt strange, even dangerous, like I was betting for the highest odds.

Our marks. Our girl. Ours. Fuck the game. She could go on playing if she wanted, but this was no game to me. It never was.

“Sometimes I think you’re the devil himself, with the way you make me feel.” She couldn’t have paid me a higher compliment.

When I said “home,” her first thought wasn’t of the house she lived in. It was our house. Our home.

I was a good girl for a very select group of men, and he was not among them.

It wasn’t a “lucky guess.” It was him paying attention, listening, watching, caring. It wasn’t luck, it was effort. He knew me. He saw me.

“Every moment I have with you feels stolen,” he said. “Like God, or Satan, or whatever the fuck is out there is playing another trick on me. I don’t know if you’re ready to hear this yet. You probably aren’t, but I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t tell you. If you walk out of my life again…when the car is finished and the debt doesn’t matter anymore…if you choose to leave, I want you to know.”

I already knew. I knew, because he’d shown me. But when he whispered those words in my ear, it stopped my world entirely. “I love you.”

“This doesn’t depend on you saying anything. I love you. I’ve loved you. For so long. And I’ll love you, even if you don’t love me back. I’ll love you even if this is the last day I ever see you.”

“If you leave and spend your life with someone else, I’ll love you still. I want you to be happy, Jess, no matter who it’s with. And I’ll love you through all of it. Always. Forever.”

“Because you were my glimpse of heaven from hell,” he said. “You were the sun in my sky, and now you’re like a comet sent to earth. A wildfire I can touch…kiss…hold…”

“You’re strong. You’re brave. You’re so damn beautiful. You’ve shaken us up, Jess. All of us.” I could hear the smile in his words. “I just can’t keep my damn mouth shut, so…there it is.”

Love. He loved me. Manson Reed loved me.

Holy shit, those words snatched the breath right out of my chest. They made me feel as if I’d been falling from a great height and suddenly started floating.

This wasn’t a game anymore. This was so much more.

I didn’t feel lost — I felt like I’d found something instead. Like I was picking up little pieces of myself along the way, assembling the version of me I was meant to be.

They sat in their churches and shouted “Amen!” to love and forgiveness, before they turned around and used every avenue they could to make those they didn’t approve of pay for merely existing. It wasn’t enough to keep your head down and try to disappear into the crowd. No, they’d sniff you out and make you the villain.

It was such a simple thing, but it meant more than she could have possibly known. She hadn’t left me. She hadn’t run away when things went to shit, even though she could have. There was nothing to keep her there except the desire to protect me, which felt too damn strange to believe. But I’d seen it with my own eyes. Heard her words. Felt her grasp my hand and lead me out of there because I was too shell-shocked with anger to navigate my way out. This was why I tried, and why I had to keep trying even when it sucked. For her. For all of us.

“She stayed with me. She didn’t have to, but she did. Just like any of you would have stayed.” There was still disbelief in his voice. “I’ll protect her,” he said. “No matter what.”