She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner)

by Ian Kerner

But enough equivocating: I will offer a broad generalization and opine that a cunnilingus session should last anywhere from fifteen to forty-five minutes on average, not including foreplay.

White, “Be clear. Be wild of tongue in a way we can understand!” Don’t make a break with the rhythm you’ve established, reinforce it; play on top of it.

Horizontal Strokes

Diagonal Strokes

There’s actually a bit of “drag” to the diagonal stroke, and within that rhythm of drag an unpredictable staccato—pleasurable tiny “spikes” that spark within her.

Tongue Tip: Use both of your thumbs to gently part her labia minora (the smaller, inner lips) on either side and expose the clitoral head. Skim it gently with your tongue from top to bottom and left to right. Once you get the hang of it, use your index fingers to gently massage the clitoral shaft.

Cat Licks

Be sure to save the clitoral head for last, and then, like a cat that’s come across a trouble spot that demands a bit of extra attention, apply more focus and pressure.

Be like Ali. Let her push and grind against your flat, still tongue—take it all in—and then spring back with a series of fast vertical and diagonal tongue strokes. Lick her senseless with a short burst of energy and then return to the flat, still tongue, waiting for yet another opportune moment to spring to life again.

Try writing a capital F, beginning with a long, solid lick from the bottom to the top, followed by a generous top sweep across the head, and culminating with a signature dash just below the clitoral hood. Or, conversely, try a lowercase i, with its halfway journey up the length

her vaginal entrance and a delectable dot on the head to top it off.

Suction Pucker

Pucker your lips around the clitoral glans and apply a bit of gentle suction.

But as we learned earlier, the G-spot is much more than just a spot; in fact, to call it a spot is a serious misnomer.

Think of this cluster as the unseen “roots” of a flower that wend their way through the “soil” of erectile tissue and pelvic bone.

Start with a straight index finger and then curl it in a “come-hither” gesture.

As you press your finger into her vaginal ceiling, use your free hand to press down from above on her pubic mound. The pressure from above complements the pressure from below and heightens the sensitivity

Perineal Pinch

Since you should still be licking her clitoral head from the outside (while stimulating it with your fingers from within), your chin should fit comfortably into the palm of your hand. Your fingertips should be pressing into the area just behind the head (only a thin layer of tissue and pelvic bone separates your fingertips and tongue).

Try straddling one of her legs so that your penis rests against her inner thigh.

Stroke her stomach with your free hand. Connect more of your bodies to each other.

As noted in Part I, the pH level of her vulva is remarkably similar to that of wine, so cunnilingus and the fruit of the vine are the perfect pairing.

stimulation in the form of persistent pressure against the area of her clitoral head is probably the single most important element in helping her reach orgasm. The

The rhythm of your tongue against her clitoral head • The firm position of your fingers

against her clitoral cluster • The support of your hand under her buttocks

Taken together, these four elements enable the oral inducement of the female orgasm. • Apply pressure with a flat, still tongue. Make your tongue as firm as possible and then press it against her clitoral head. ...

Use a vibrator to provide pressure against her frenulum, a key area for applying pressure. The tip of the vibrator should nestle in snugly beneath the clitoral head. As you apply tongue strokes to the clitoral head, notice that the tip of the vibrator is right beneath your tongue (perhaps even humming against it) and the shaft of the vibrator is underneath your chin. For more on information on how to incorporate a vibrator into your session, see the section in the Appendix entitled Useful Toys.

1. In this chapter we discussed the importance of applying external pressure to the region around the clitoral head. 2. We introduced the technique of a gum-press against the front commissure, or alternatively fingertip or vibrator pressure against the frenulum. The point is to maintain pressure and provide a point of resistance as you continue to stimulate the clitoral head with

Whatever you do, don’t attempt to speed things up by increasing the pace of your clitoral stimulation.

Also, do not do anything to indicate to her that you’re in a rush or growing impatient.

She is panting and her voice is shaking uncontrollably. 2. She closes her eyes and her nostrils are widened and she is unable to speak. 3. She is staring at the man. 4. Her ears turn red and her face is flushing, but the tip of her tongue

turns slightly colder. 5. Her hands are hot and her abdomen warm, and at the same time her language becomes almost unintelligible. 6. Her expression looks as though she is bewitched, her body is soft as jelly, and her limbs are droopy. 7. The saliva under her tongue has been sucked dry and her body is pressing against the man. 8. The pulses of her vulva become noticeable and her secretions are flowing.

“I feel her vagina tighten. It starts to throb and pulse, like the beating of her heart.” “Her body stiffens, her muscles tighten. She flexes and releases, flexes and releases—especially her legs.” “Her skin flushes; her entire body heats up.” “She starts perspiring.”

“Her abdominal muscles tighten.” “Her breasts swell.” “I notice a difference in her taste; her juices start to thicken, they get sweeter and warmer. It’s like they’re being heated up from all the action, roiling in a cauldron.” “She holds me tightly in position and won’t let me move.” “She locks me in.” “Her breathing gets really deep, like she’s running a marathon.” “I feel her heart racing, pounding.” “She starts grabbing at my hair and ears.” “She pushes up her pelvis.” “She grinds against me.” “She bites her lower lip.” “She tells me, ‘Keep going, keep going; don’t stop.’ ” “She finds something to grab—my hair, a finger, a piece of blanket.” “She enters another world. She’s completely lost in concentration.” “It’s like she’s possessed and speaking in tongues.”

of her inner labia, as well as the retraction of the clitoral head into its hood—both are signs that she’s within ninety seconds of reaching climax. Even

Think about it: a very small area (the region of her clitoral head) needs to maintain persistent, forceful contact with another very small area (your tongue and gum).

Once she’s in the preorgasm phase, bring her legs as close together as possible. In this position it’s much easier for her pelvic muscles to transition into an involuntary state of spasm. If

room. At this point, the tighter the fit, the better.

If you need assistance keeping her legs together, particularly as you’re trying to focus on the combination of manual and oral stimulation, tie her ankles together with some form of restraint—a necktie, a ribbon. This will make it significantly easier for you to keep her in position.

When stimulating the anus, you may need some of that lubricant you’ve been keeping on hand. Typically, it won’t be necessary, as some of the moisture from her vulva has naturally made its way south to the perineum and into the anal area, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.

When stimulating the anus, make sure to insert a finger that’s not employed in manual stimulation of the vulva, as there are bacteria in the former that you don’t want coming into contact with the latter.

entering.” If she’s uncomfortable, then pull back; it’s not worth jeopardizing a productive cunnilingus session over.

Now is the ideal time to play it cool with your tongue, maybe even a little hard to get.

strokes, the more you will prolong the heightened sensations just prior to orgasm and build sexual tension.

If you’re licking her with rhythmic, vertical strokes, try skipping one. For example: 1-2-3-4, 1-2-skip-4; or 1-skip-2-skip, 1-skip-2-skip. • Or introduce a horizontal swipe amid a series of vertical strokes—just as we began the cunnilingus session with some teasing, so too can we end it that way. • Slow down. Let her orgasm come to you. Tease it out of her. Not on...

Try licking her the way Pollock painted: broad strokes, with pinpoint targeted precision. Swooping, serpent like, start with the flat part of the tongue and end with the tip. Like Pollock, be sure you know what you’re aiming for; demonstrate the precision that underlies the passion.

“The female gathers psychological and physiological strength from the stockpile of mounting sexual tension, until she can direct all her physical and mental forces toward a leap into the third, or orgasmic phase, of sexual tension expression.”

In this chapter, we discussed the value of small, light tongue strokes as she approaches orgasm. These tiny gestures provide contrast to the pressure of your gum against her front commissure; they also help to prolong the last heightened phase of preorgasm and build further sexual tension.

Fortunately, such modification is easily achieved. Reassure her, let her relax into the process; let her know that you want her to come in this manner; let her know how much you’re enjoying it.

you will principally recognize the female orgasm through the spasmodic, involuntary contractions of her genital area, also known as pelvic thrusting.