She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner)

by Ian Kerner

Press your thumb against her clitoral head and gently flick it from side to side as you penetrate her with short shallow thrusts. Or press the shaft of your penis against her clitoris and then gently thrust between the folds of her labia without ever entering her. Or she can perform Kegels (the squeezing of her pelvic muscles) while you, ever so slowly, penetrate her. Really take the time to feel her pelvic muscles contract against your penis as you slowly withdraw.

“Love’s climax should never be rushed I say / But worked up slowly, lingering all the way.”

• Stage 1: in which we transition from foreplay to coreplay with the application of the first clitoral kiss • Stage 2: in which we establish rhythm and acclimate the clitoris to the persistent attentions of the tongue • Stage 3: in which we continue to build tension by focusing more of our energies on the clitoral head, as well as introducing appropriate manual stimulation • Stage 4: in which we hypercharge the process of sexual response and escalate her level of arousal by internally stimulating the “clitoral cluster” in combination with the clitoral head • Stage 5: preorgasm, in which we maintain the optimum balance of rhythm and pressure as she approaches orgasm • Stage 6: Orgasm, in which we maximize the number of pelvic contractions and help her to realize the full potential of her climax

When 69’ing during foreplay, make sure you don’t waste your best tongue strokes: save them for coreplay.

Instead, kiss the areas around the vulva rather than the clitoris.

it’s highly unlikely she’ll get very far in the process of sexual response; however, it can prove erotically stimulating by providing her with a sense of dominance, and might be good for a bit of fun.

itself flat, without an arch, and her genitals will be tilted slightly up toward your mouth, rather than driving

A pillow propped under her butt will help with blood flow to the pelvic region, as well as provide you with better access to her genitalia,

need to get your whole face in there. Your nose should be buried lightly in her mound, with your upper lip and mustache area resting firmly against the front edge of her pubic bone.

All in all, you should be completely involved with her vulva; on top of it, buried in it: face, mouth, nose, gums, teeth, and tongue—all of which will be employed one way or another.

Find positions that enable you to optimally exploit your respective roles of giver and receiver.

simply knowing “what’s what” in the clitoral network already places you at the head of the class.

Like the clitoral head, the front commissure/ shaft responds at first to tongue strokes, but, once aroused,

craves the firmer pressure of the upper lip and gum, or a fingertip massage.

Focus on her labia and vaginal entrance; pay attention to her perineum.

Don’t forget about her front commissure and frenulum, the area just above and below the head.

Apply halfway licks instead of full licks, avoid the...

When you do stimulate the head for the first time, press the soft, wet tip of your tongue into it...

slow, long licks and gentle fingertip tickles.

This area responds well to fingertip pressure, fingertip insertion, and tongue strokes, but also contains bacteria that should be prevented from commingling with other parts of the vulva.

let it breathe, sniff and savor the bouquet, admire the body, note the complexion and tone, and then, finally, take that much anticipated first sip.

Run your fingers gently through her pubic hair. • Be sure to tease her amply. Kiss her softly on the inner thigh, as well as the smooth skin adjoining her vulva. Kiss her with little, succulent smacks (lips pursed, no tongue) on her inner and outer lips, or even on the top of the head. Make sure that your first kiss is less about direct contact with the clitoris and more about appreciating the entire genital area. • Breathe hotly on her vulva. • Blow, ever so gently, on her clitoral head. • If she’s still wearing her panties, kiss her through them. • Then delicately peel them to the side to reveal a glistening wet vulva.

CAUTION: Never, under any circumstances, blow into a woman’s vagina as though trying to fill it with air. Doing so is seriously dangerous. Blowing into a woman’s vagina may cause an embolism and lead to death. Breathe on her; blow lightly on her;

Before you move in for the first kiss, take a moment to acknowledge the presence of the vulva: your partner in pleasure. Prepare yourself mentally for the experience ahead. Remind yourself that you are there to lead her steadfastly through the process of sexual response to orgasm.

• Going down on her turns you on; you enjoy it as much as she does. • There’s no rush; she has all the time in the world. You want to savor every moment. • Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful: it all emanates from the same beautiful essence.

Tease her, taunt her, tantalize her—make her think that she’s not ever going to get it, ever, and then, just when she’s on the brink of utter madness, give it to her.

The Kiss

Make your first lick a slow and tender “ice cream” lick from bottom to top. Make it long a...

Start at the base of her vaginal entrance, the fourchette, and work your way up. • Take in the full length of her labia minora (inner lips) and let your tongue rest briefly against her frenulum, the area just under the clitoral head. • As you go over the head, brush it lightly as a feather, and then proceed to her front commissure (the area ju...

sinewy clitoral shaft beneath it. • As you kiss her slowly from top to bottom, press your finger lightly against her perineum (the expanse of skin just below her vaginal entrance). • When you lick the full span of her vaginal entrance from top to bottom, place your hand atop her mons pubis and nudge it gently toward her abdomen. This will stretch the skin and tighten her vaginal entrance, enabling you to lushly encompass her sensitive inner labia as you lick. • As an alternative to the standard position, grab hold of her upper thigh...

No matter what your approach, take it long and slow, from bottom to top, and savor every step of the journey. Now that you’ve lavished her wi...

let your tongue rest flat against the length of her ...

head. Remember, when it comes to cunnilingus first impressions count.

Now is a make-or-break moment, or, as you’ll soon see, a make and break moment—a critical juncture when many men make the mistake of sprinting for the finish line instead of pacing themselves to run a marathon.

To that end, a flat still tongue pressed softly, later firmly, into her vulva will prove to be one of your most powerful positions.

Make sure that the interval between licks is long enough to let each one resonate fully and completely.

Break the contact. Your tongue should completely disconnect from her vulva for a split second, causing the slightest of tremors in her pelvis: an almost imperceptible shudder of shock from the loss of your tongue. Then…

• Make contact again. As with the first kiss, take a long, slow lick from top to bottom, and lushly brush against her clitoral head with the flat broad side of your tongue. • Then, once again, maintain a flat tongue against her vulva; don’t press too hard and don’t favor any one particular part.

Build a Solid Foundation • Get a rhythm going: long, slow lick/flat, still tongue; long, slow lick/flat still tongue. Each complete set should last about ten seconds, with five seconds on the lick and five on the flat

embrace of tongue against vulva. • Repeat this pattern for about three minutes, or fifteen to twenty complete sets.

Be Alluring • Now avoid the head. • Next, vary the routine with small halfway licks, from bottom to midvagina, avoiding the area of the clitoral head altogether. • Focus on stimulating her inner labia. This way you’re not overexciting the head (remember how sensitive it is). You’re teasing it, gently coaxing the head out from under its protective clitoral hood by switching your tongue strokes: from light, repetitive licks that gently graze her to deeper,

and then use your tongue to iambically stimulate her clitoris. Your performance will surely garner a standing ovation.

Now, just when the head has been lured out from under its hood in search of the tongue that has been denied her, give it to her—smother her in it. Press the soft tip of your tongue into the head. Like a wave washing over her, bathe the head for five seconds with your wet tongue. Feel her shudder with pleasure.

Play the Numbers • Go back to your halfway licks. Start with a set of five. • Then, once again, bathe the head with the soft, wet tip of your tongue. With each complete set, increase the amount of halfway licks you apply by one, until you reach a total of ten.

establishing rhythm and building a solid foundation, as well as exercising restraint when you might be tempted to apply rough passion. 2. After the first kiss, lick her vaginal entrance from top to bottom, and then rest your tongue flat against the surface of her vulva. Do this fifteen to twenty times. 3. Next, lick her five times with halfway strokes, focusing on the labia and staying clear of the head. On the sixth stroke, finish the movement and press the soft tip of your tongue into her head. 4. Repeat this pattern, increasing each set of halfway licks by one until you get to ten. 5. Use this routine to establish rhythm and acclimate the head to the attentions of your tongue.

Flirt with her inner lips; trace the edges with your fingertip. Squeeze and pinch them playfully. Acquaint your index finger with all the diverse parts of her vulva, and take note of her responses. • Gently stimulate her front commissure, the smooth area just above the clitoral head and hood. • Lightly tap her frenulum, the region just below her clitoral head and above her vaginal entrance where her labia minora (inner lips) meet.

Use your thumb in combination with your index finger. While your index finger is inserted in her vaginal entrance, rotate your thumb downward to the six o’clock position and then graze, tickle and press her perineum (the area of erectile tissue just below her vagina and above her anus). Or rotate your thumb back up to the twelve o’clock position and massage her frenulum, the area just below the clitoral head, while your finger is inserted in her vaginal entrance.

• Place your free hand under her buttocks and cradle them firmly. You should be able to easily squeeze both cheeks together. Use your hand to keep her in position and fine-tune the position of her vulva in relation to your mouth. Make

ANSWER: Yes, there’s a very precise answer as to how long a cunnilingus session should last—as long as it takes to bring her to orgasm.

And remember, a woman’s orgasmic potential may fluctuate as a result of a wide variety of factors such as stress, exercise, diet, fatigue, medication, and alcohol (can help her to relax, but also slow her down if too much is imbibed).