Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

by Lysa TerKeurst

I thought it would be the most terrifying year of my life. But I came to realize, it was actually less terrifying to remove my hands from the situation, accept reality, and let God do what only He can do. The greatest source of my suffering was my refusal to accept what I could not change.

Let no one deceive you with empty words,

So many times, I’ve said to Jim, “I don’t know how much more I can take.” He would always reply, “Lysa, every woman has a breaking point. There’s a point of no return. When you get to the end, you’ll know.” It took me years.

And the worst part of it all is that you feel guilty for wanting to make changes. Actually, you feel awful. And it’s not just because of what they’ve said to you. All the most hurtful statements are what you say to yourself because you’re a woman who wants desperately to do the right thing. And you know the right things are informed by biblical truth. So, you have a sense that it’s just not right to make changes in a relationship if those changes are going to cause the other person any kind of hardship at all. It’s easier to manage the hurt inflicted on us rather than the hurt we could potentially cause someone else if we set a boundary.

So, you keep trying. You keep carrying weight you aren’t designed to carry. You keep paying the consequences of someone else’s choices. You keep saying yes. You keep giving in, just praying you don’t give out. Maybe one more time of extra grace from you. Maybe one more time rescuing them. Maybe one more time looking the other way and suddenly they will turn a corner and bring home base back to you.

JOHN 15:13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. Here’s how this verse has been misinterpreted: The greatest act of love you could show is to lay down your own life for the good of others, even when it’s to your own detriment. Here’s what this verse actually means: Remember, Jesus literally laid down His one glorious life one time and it was for a high and holy purpose. Jesus didn’t lay down His life to enable evil, perpetuate unholy or irresponsible behaviors, or to try and keep others happy.

Am I bringing up something from the past for the sake of hurting someone or for the sake of healing from what they did to me so we can both move forward?

until I can verify that trusting you again is safe and that honoring the purity of our marriage bed is not just my commitment but yours as well.