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No, that wasn’t it. I mean, it was, but not in this instance. Responsible? Yes. That was a better word for it. I was responsible for her. For my forever girl. My firefly. If she only knew. . .
I raked my fingers through my mess of hair, glad it was me doing today’s schedule of events. I’d been away far too long it seemed. But even crazy men needed a day off. In my case, it just meant I was taking my frustrations out elsewhere. I grinned at the memory.
This was by my own doing. Me and my sweet side, trying to save someone by killing them. My poor forever girl. Fuck, I missed her. I’d be near her soon, and then we’d play. We’d play until she screamed my name for me. I wanted to hear her say it. Asylum. Not Church. Not Seth.
I wanted it more than my next breath. Something had washed over me in the night it seemed. I was prepared to go to war for this girl. I had been before, but there was more here. Her eyes. Her lips. The way the light cast around her beauty as I saw her in my mind’s eye. Awake. She was awake and back. And fucking mine. Ours. Fine. Ours. I smiled as I reached for the door handle. But today she’s mine.
“Look at you being such a good girl,” he murmured in his thick voice. Something wasn’t right though. He didn’t sound like Seth. Or maybe I’d been gone so long I’d lost touch with what his voice sounded like. This voice was more commanding. Darker and more threatening. The Seth I’d come to know had a gentle tone whenever he spoke to me. Even when he was begging me, he was gentle.
Firefly. “I remember one night when the fireflies were all over the lawn. They lit it up like a tiny city,” he continued softly. “Your hair was loose and whipped around you as you ran through them, disturbing their peace. My little bit of chaos.” He smiled sadly.
“You laughed so much. I heard it. It made me realize how very special you were to us, and how I wanted you to always be that perfect girl.” He licked his lips. “Then I hurt you in order to keep you that way. I have a lot of groveling to do, don’t I?” I said nothing as I studied him. He was so different. . . yet the same. So Seth. . . but Asylum. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, my little firefly, and I won’t ask it of you. Not today. Today is for new beginnings. Today is for. . . us. I wish to dance.”
“Come,” he instructed softly. “Let’s waltz through the darkness. You light the way for me like you always have.”
“You can do anything you want. As long as it’s by my side, I’ll make sure it’s safe. It’s my promise to you. I owe you that much and more. As for Sully. . . we can gut him together if you’d like then fuck in his blood.”
I wasn’t sure what had come over me, but I finally felt free. Like having Seth back was changing me. The dark clouds which had been blanketing me for nearly a decade were giving way to sunshine again. To us. “To us,” he whispered as he slowed us to a stop. Without hesitation, he leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. “Forever my girl.”
“Mine,” he murmured, running his nose along my jaw. “Ours.” He inhaled deeply and dragged me tightly against his hard body. “And I will fuck you in the blood of our enemies, my little firefly. That’s a promise.” And then we were dancing again as if nothing in the world was wrong. And maybe nothing was. Maybe it was right. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be.
Seth. “Asylum,” he whispered in my ear before dipping me low and staring down at me in my thin hospital gown, his dark hair a wild mess and a gleam in his eyes that made me realize who he really was. “I’m Asylum, and I’m yours.” Asylum. My Asylum.
He had a lot of make-up work to do. Forgiving him wasn’t easy, but. . . I was losing my mind. I felt like I was slipping. Like I needed this. Like it was fate. Like it could work. . . “Fate has a funny way about her, doesn’t she?” he asked, swaying with me gently. “If this is how it’s supposed to be, then I regret nothing.” Funnily enough, I was beginning to regret a lot less too. He smirked. “That’s why we dance. To prove we’re still alive. That we’re still fucking screaming inside. That we’re fighters. That we’ll never let them take that from us. So keep fighting. For all of us. Promise me?”
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He reached out and gripped my face tightly. “Say it. Tell me your screams belong to us.” My screams belong to you. A triumphant smile spilled onto his lips. “Then get ready because these men wish to steal them. More evil wizards and cunts, firefly. Watch the magic, OK? Pay attention. This is the part where it gets good.” His blue eyes shifted from mine, and he looked to the door. I followed his gaze and swallowed hard as the handle twisted. I really hoped things got good. I was tired of the bad.
She bumped shoulders with me. “So really what’s your deal, Asher?” “My deal?” “Yeah. Like you’re nice. Way nicer than the ass nuts you live with. What gives?” “I’m really not,” I said softly. “I have my moments. Believe me on that.” “Ah, a sinner. My kind of people.” She flashed a smile at me again, and I offered her a return one.
Deep down I knew better though. I knew my heaven was soft and sweet and absolutely perfect. I smirked at that thought, a pang shooting through my heart from missing her.
“Cady, please. Let’s just try to get things worked out without creating more problems. You don’t know what you’re getting into. Church’s father—” “She doesn’t care. She’s selfish,” Church growled. “No point in explaining it to her. Let her find out the hard way.” “The hard way is losing Sirena!” My voice came out far louder than I’d intended. I sucked in a deep breath. Then another. Shit. I was going to lose it. Quickly, I stuffed my hand into my pocket and pulled my lighter out, flicking it opened and closed five times. Breathe, Asher. Open. Close. Open. Close. Open. Close. Open. Close. Open.
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“I’m open to negotiations,” Cady said softly, breaking through my near meltdown. “But if we don’t have a solid plan soon, I’ll go in. Alone. And hell have mercy on the monsters’ souls because I won’t have any.”
She was quickly becoming a thorn in my ass. The sooner we could get her out of our lives, the better. She was pissing me off to the point where I was seriously considering helping Church plot her death. But I’d already fucked up enough.
I took another hit off my joint, desperate to not seem like I gave a shit. But fuck, I gave a shit. I wanted to say that Cadence wasn’t an issue, but deep down I knew she was. If I didn’t make it to hell, the devil brought it directly to my doorstep in the form of Cadence Lawrence. She was a fucking weasel, here to announce my sins.
At the same time, I knew I was a piece of shit and deserved all the heartache headed my way.
“Yeah. Her lips were so soft. I could tell she was nervous, but man, I loved it. I loved that she was a bit hesitant. I had all these feelings pouring into me.” He stared at me with wide eyes. “Like, here was this absolutely perfect girl for all of us, and she needed us. She needed me to take things slowly. To show her. To let her explore. I don’t know. I-I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life, man.” He grew quiet for a moment. “Is this love, Sin?”
“I feel so small compared to my feelings. I just want to give her everything in the world. I want to make her breakfast in bed, rub her feet, kiss her, and tell her how I really feel. I even want to have kids. I’ve never wanted any of that before, but with Sirena?” He nodded. “I want it. I want it all with her.”
I should’ve been honest then. I should’ve told them I was out. That they could have a girl for the three of them. That I was too broken to love. That I wasn’t worth the fucking effort.
But then. . . I’d kissed Sirena. Touched her. Guilt and shame had warred it out in my heart. I wasn’t capable of giving her anything good. And she’d only break me further. I knew that. I fucking knew it all the way to my core.
If I could go back in time, I would’ve walked away. I wouldn’t have hurt her. I know I wouldn’t have. I would’ve let the guys have her and would’ve left to give them what they deserved. That perfect girl Ashes spoke of. Instead, I’d ruined everything like I always did. Story of my fucking lif...
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“I’m incapable of loving. You know that,” I said softly. “I don’t even know what loving a girl even fucking is.”
“I’m really not interested,” I said firmly. “I can’t be. I-I keep thinking about leaving. About just letting you guys take her and getting your happy ending. I’d be good with it. You know that, right? I want you guys to be happy. I-I just don’t think I’ll ever be. Not now. I don’t deserve any of it.”
“We’re a family. You’re not leaving,” Ashes said. “We won’t let you. You deserve every ounce of happiness in the world, Sin. You know you do. Or you will once you let it into your heart again. So you’re staying. Got it?”
“When it comes to the girl I love, the girl I’d fucking die for, I’m everyone’s boss. Learn to deal with it or get fucking lost. If you ruin this, none of us will forgive you.”
“She’d hate you for taking away any potential happiness she could have. Trust me when I say that if you intervene the way you want to, it’ll be the nail in Sirena’s coffin.”
