Ashes (The Boys of Chapel Crest, #2)

by K.G. Reuss

It was way fucking deeper than that, but explaining the intricacies of what the fuck I was wasn’t something I wanted to dip my toes into. I was different.

There’d been a gaping hole in my existence, and it took seeing our Rinny again to realize she was what had been missing.

Now, I felt like I was on fire, and she was both the water and the gasoline. It was driving me insane. Well, more insane one might say.

When I’d gotten my chance to be with her, I’d snatched it up without contemplating exactly what it would mean. All I knew was I wanted her, however I could have her. And now my forever girl was locked in her own mind. I couldn’t save her. It was fucking eating my blackened soul to know she was even further from me now. It made me ache inside when I realized I might have to finish the job I’d started all those years ago just to put her out of her misery. But first, I’d try to...

He just didn’t realize he was fucking with a god.

The choice is yours, but we’ll work those screams from her lungs until she’s the docile, sweet girl I know she can be. The kind of girl who obeys her. . . master. Don’t you want that master to be you?”

“Having a beautiful girl on her knees, obeying your every command. Isn’t that every twisted monster’s dream, Asylum? Her warm, willing mouth. Her sweet whimpers? Her acceptance that you are her master, and she bows to no one else?”

Then the soft voice whispered to me. She could be ours again. Taught and trained to obey. Desperate to be yours again. You could protect her from the monsters. If you say no, she’ll be in worse danger.

Sometimes danger is what keeps the heart beating and the mind alert. We want her. . . here she is. Ours. Take. HER. Own. HER. CLAIM HER! FUCKING CLAIM HER! She could be ours. Not theirs.

I’d do it. I’d save her. I’d save us. And I’d punish any motherfucker who looked at her wrong. We’d own her. The thought of her on her knees for us. . .

We were barely living.

I didn’t say it, but I was grateful for Ashes. He always tried to keep it together. I knew it was hard as hell for him though. It was admirable. But falling in love seemed to have affected us in different ways.

“I want her back, Dante. I can’t fucking exist like this. Knowing she’s stuck in a bed and lost in her mind? Knowing she’s probably fucking terrified? It’s tearing my goddamn heart out, man. I-I can’t—”

“What do we do when we feel like we can’t breathe, brother?” “W-we fucking do it anyway,” he answered in a shaky voice. “And what do we do when we get lost in the darkness?” “W-we become the darkness.” He breathed out, the trembling slowing in his body. “Right. And what do we do when we need help?” “We t-trust each other to protect our sanity.”

They were ugly words, but they were true. In the end, the decision belonged to specter.

Yes!! Unlike asylum ugh!!

“I can’t lose her,” he whispered. “I’ll die if I lose her.”

I hated I was this fucked-up monster, but the heart wanted what it wanted. And that was specter back in my arms.

It was with me that she screamed. Yes, she screamed your name, Dante, but had I not been there to provoke her shout, your name would’ve never slipped past her lips. Yours may have been the name on her lips, but I’m the one carved into her fucking soul. She belongs to me. To us.”

Something I could cling to because giving her to him didn’t sit well with me. She was my girl. Fucking MINE.

“I’ll explain it to you this way. As much as I know you want to kill me and bury me beneath a new hot tub…” He shot a quick look at me, a smirk on his lips. I crinkled my brows. I’d never said that shit out loud. How the fuck… ?

“You think you’re saving her, but you’re not. You think you’re protecting her from me. You’re not. She’ll never be free of me. Of us. I’m entwined deep into her soul. I am her roots. I’m the one who’ll keep her from losing her mind, even though I brought her to the brink of madness. You’d be wise to release her to me.” He gazed at us each in turn, settling on Sin last. “Right, Sinclair?”

The corner of Asylum’s lips twitched. “Hold onto her and never let go. If we let go, she’ll suffer.”

He shook his head. “I am not. I’m only being honest. You want her back. I want her free. We are not the same.”

“Free from the madness. The restraint. The fear. Only I can set her free. I’m her warden. Her punisher. Her redeemer,” he explained, his words soft and dangerous.

“And in her fear of me, I will set her free. Wouldn’t you like that? Her running back to you because she’s afraid of me?” I did fucking like that idea. To get her back, we’d have to let him break her. But why would he do that if he wanted her so badly?

“You’re just going to give her back? Like a broken fucking toy?” Stitches asked, snorting and shaking his head. “You’re a fucking lunatic. No deal.”

“Because she’s always listened to us. You may be a god to her, Dante, but I’m her devil. The demon from her nightmares. We’re the voices who’s been with her since we first laid eyes on her. And good girls always do what the voices in their heads tell them to do. I am her voice now.” He surveyed me evenly, challenging me. “Where I’m from, good girls worship their god, not their demons.” I pressed my palms to my knees, shifting forward. “Where I’m from, we let gods think that.”

The truth of the matter was, I wanted her back in whatever way I could have her. I knew Asylum enough to know he’d make our lives miserable if we didn’t play along. Who knew what he was planning if we failed to keep our agreement.

Stitches jumped to his feet and glared at me before stomping back into the house. I knew this would hurt him, but to save her, we had to let her go. I’d explain it to him as soon as Asylum left.

“And if you try to take her from me, you won’t win,” he continued. “So consider your next move very carefully, Dante. If you break the terms of our deal, I will break you. I’ll tear apart everything you thought you had protected. Your friends. What’s left of your family. Hopes. Dreams. Desires. Nothing is safe from us. Do you understand?”

“You don’t scare me,” I said, my words laced with honesty. “You and your fucking voices.” “That’s because we haven’t tried.” He cocked his head at me. “Let’s pray we don’t have to.”

“We have a deal.” He rose to his feet with me and shook my hand. He pulled me in closer, his lips at my ear so no one else could hear his words, “When we return her, I will be taking something with me. Trust me. It’s for the best. Will you give me anything for her?”

“It was a pleasure doing business with you. Tell Stitches hanging himself won’t fix the mess. I’d tell him quickly though since he’s tying the rope now.” He stepped down the stairs and looked over at Sin. “I’ll be seeing you soon, Sinclair.”

Asylum let out a soft laugh. “Go cut your boy out of his closet. You have about thirty seconds.”

“Wake up. You can’t go. You promised. We don’t break promises.” Church gave him another shake while Ashes checked his pulse.

Fuck. How did it get to this? And how the hell did I stop it? I knew shit would get bad, but I never thought this would happen.

It should be me on the floor, not Stitches. I was the one who deserved to die.

“Don’t you dare fucking do this shit again. I can’t. I just fucking can’t,” Church choked out. “Not you, man. You fucking promised.”

“How did he know? Asylum?” Ashes asked the question that was rattling around in my head. “I don’t know,” Church murmured, finally looking over at us. “It doesn’t make sense.” “He’s a weird guy,” I muttered, running my fingers through my shaggy hair. My head was killing me. My stomach was still upset. “He always seems to just know things,” Ashes continued, shaking his head. “Which is why I think we need to trust him about specter.” Church looked at both of us. “Even if it fucking guts us. I think he was only demonstrating what he’s capable of.”

I blew out a breath, the nausea twisting like a snake in my guts. “I don’t give a shit about Asylum right now. Right now, I’m worried about Stitches. We need to go. One thing at a time.”

“He’s just hurting. He’s worried about Sirena,” Ashes said. “Real shit way to worry about her,” Cady answered, shaking her head. “Trying to unalive himself doesn’t seem like something he should do to help her. If he loves her as much as he claims to, why would he want to hurt her by killing himself?” “There’s a lot of shit you don’t understand about the things that go through our heads,” I started.

“I don’t give a shit what he’s feeling for himself. If he wants my sister, he better fucking put her before himself or I won’t let him within a mile of her. So make sure that message gets delivered. I don’t need her to have a broken heart on top of the shit she’s already dealing with. Got it, shrimp dick?”

“She’s too good for us,” I finally said. “I don’t want her. She’ll only wind up ruined if she’s near us too long. Everyone does. And then we’ll be destroyed. It’s an ugly, vicious cycle I don’t care to repeat. Stitches tried to end his life tonight because the thought of not being with her was tearing him apart. The worry that she’d slipped away forever was eating him alive. I don’t want that for any of us, and I don’t want that for her. So maybe I am sinful, but it’s only because I give a damn.”

“I think you’re right. I think she’d be better off without you. But I won’t ever stop her from loving who she loves. If it’s you, so be it, but if it is—even all of you—then you better fucking be worth it. She’s been through hell and back. The last thing she needs is another monster holding her down.”

“It won’t be a problem for much longer. We’re going to be stepping away from her soon so she can heal.”

I chuckled, thinking about when I’d first seen her. “I thought I was in love. The more I watched you, the more I knew I was,” I continued. “I’d never considered what my life would be like past Chapel Crest, but you made me see a future. A real one. Me and you with the guys. Happy. Free of the shit in our lives. I still feel that way. I still see that future for all of us together.” I swallowed thickly. “You just need to come back, baby. I’ll take you to our spot at Pictured Rocks. I’ll make love to you beneath the stars. I’ll whisper to you how much I love you because I do, heaven. I love you so fucking much.” I breathed out and swiped at the dampness along my lashes.

“Come back to me,” I whispered, clinging desperately to her hand. Nothing. “Fuck, baby, come on,” I pleaded softly. I rose from my chair and dropped to my knees in front of her, both my hands cradling her face. She stared straight through me, her pretty eyes dull in comparison to the sparkle and brightness that they used to have. I released her face and took her hand, flipping her palm up. I placed my finger on her palm and began to write, desperate to get her to acknowledge me. I miss you.

I finished and gazed at her. She simply stared straight ahead. My throat tightened as I thought of Stitches locked away and medicated in his hospital room. Of the pain in Church’s voice when we’d taken Stitches out of his closet. How Church had held her when we’d found her. How he’d fucking begged for her to be OK. The desperation I felt in my heart to get her back to us so our world could heal. So she could heal. I shuffled forward and pressed my lips to hers, kissing her gently. Please, heaven, come back. PLEASE!

“I fucking love you, Sirena,” I whispered. “I can’t do this without you. Come back. Please. I don’t even care how long it takes. I’ll wait forever if I have to.”

“Forever is a long time, Asher,” he said as he took a seat on the edge of her bed. “Do you intend on keeping that promise?” “Do you intend on keeping your promise to us of giving her back?” I shot back. All I wanted to do was shroud her from him and keep her tucked away safely beside me.