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Claire Fontana blossomed under praise, and something told me she hadn’t gotten enough of it in her life.
“Can’t have you falling when I’m not there to catch you.”
My brain, heart, and between my thighs all agreed that had been the single most unexpected and sexiest moment of my life. The fact that Dominic was my boss and sixteen years older than me should have dampened the experience, but the truth was, it only made it hotter.
He reached out and grazed a fingertip across my chin. “I like the freckles.”
“Is there a reason you haven’t come to any yet?” Yes. I was avoiding you because from the second we met, you’ve made me forget which way is up. Yes, because I work for you and can’t feel this way. Yes, because I know nothing good can come from what I’m feeling. Yes, because you do scare me, but you also piss me off pretty constantly. Yes, there are a million reasons.
Watching Claire suck sugar off her thumb had to be one of the sexiest things I’d ever seen.
No awkward conversations would be happening on this plane ride. No need to potentially hurt her by telling her nothing would ever come of whatever this heat was between us. Besides, I had a feeling she already knew. And I was relieved. Truly. But I had no explanation for why I spent the entire flight to Dallas on tenterhooks, waiting for Claire to wake up so we could banter or bicker or piss each other off. No explanation at all.
He sees me as whole and not broken. I wonder if that means Derrick didn’t really shatter me into a million pieces…or maybe I’m just really good at faking it.
Her throaty laugh sounded like the devil’s church bells calling all the sinners to service.
My girl? Who the hell did the guy think he was? I highly fucking doubted Claire was timing her orgasms for him. Highly. Fucking. Doubted.
“Nothing is forever Even if it feels like dying Lift your broken wings And start flying”
I remembered how she’d smoothed out her sheets and fluffed up her pillows, erasing the time we’d spent in her bed earlier. Something about that image stabbed a place in my gut I’d forgotten existed.
“I can’t get you out of my head.” That got her attention. Her eyes shot up to mine, startled. “What?” I grabbed the back of her neck, tugging her closer to run my nose over her collarbone and throat. Beneath her curls were my marks. She carefully hid them, but just thinking about them being there got me hard. “When I walked into your room tonight and that bed was made like no one had been in it, I kept thinking about the times Adam had been in your room before me. Was he in your bed? It’s none of my fucking business, and I don’t want you to tell me.” She steadied herself on my chest, her
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“What if four weeks is too long?” Her question was a tree trunk to the chest, solid and unexpected, knocking me out. “Too long? For who?” Her gleaming eyes flicked to mine. “Me. Or you. That’s basically a month, which is longer than I’ve known you.” This girl...this fucking girl. She’d been throwing me off my game since the second she stumbled onto my airplane. I couldn’t say what I’d been expecting with this proposition, but it hadn’t been this. To be honest, I’d almost entirely been considering myself, fairly assured Claire’s agreement was a given.
I didn’t like this, wanting her but not being certain I could have her. If she’d just agree to my proposition, I could relax and enjoy this fucking dinner.
“I know you’re used to having your every whim catered to right when you want it, but I need time. If you can’t give it to me, then the answer will be no.” My fingers flexed around hers, pulse skyrocketing. “No?” “I don’t like to feel pressured or controlled. It’s something I’m just learning about myself, and right now, I’m feeling both from you.”
“What if you fall for me?” “I won’t.” I took her face in my hand to make sure she heard what I was saying. “Four weeks is all I have in me. I like you, Claire. I want to be around you and inside you, but I’m not going to be in a relationship with you. Not beyond this tour. I don’t think you want that either.”
This girl was mine. Not forever, but for as long as I wanted.
When the last day came, we’d both be ready to walk away for good. Of that, I had no doubt.
I often thought Dominic carried sorrow with him like a flak jacket, and for just a few seconds, he’d let down his guard, allowing a bit of happiness to seep in.
“You drive me crazy,” he murmured. “I’m innocent,” I whispered back through the flutters his teeth on my flesh never failed to induce. “I know. Which is exactly why I’m going out of my mind.”
“Being hurt by the man who’s supposed to love you doesn’t mean you’re not a strong woman. It means the man is weak.”
Dominic finally lifted his head. The smile on his face wasn’t in full bloom, but it was enough to send my pulse racing. Sometimes I wanted to ask why his smiles were so precious and rare, but I knew he wouldn’t tell me. If we were something more, or even had the potential to become something more, I’d ask him directly. But since this was all we’d ever have, I’d eat up those few smiles he gave me and live in the moment like I had promised myself at the beginning of the tour.
“Life is so unpredictable. I thought I had my happy ending, but I was only at the beginning. I refuse to shut myself off to experiences. You shouldn’t either.”
I’d conceded on not kissing her in front of Marta, but goddamn, I would not back down on putting my hand on my girl’s leg. It wasn’t like I was fingering her for all the world to see. I held on tighter.
some blood doesn’t scare me. I’m not a little boy.”
“Let’s get you where you belong—in my room and my bed.”
For a split second, I imagined myself with Dominic ten years down the road, and I couldn’t fathom ever not wanting to lick the beads of sweat off his chest and fit his hips between my thighs.
“Maybe someday.” Which meant never, since we wouldn’t have a someday.
“I’ve seen you from the beginning. I might not know where you grew up or who your best friend was, but I do know you hate to let yourself laugh. You are drawn to happy, funny people. You surround yourself in their laughter, but don’t allow yourself to have it.”
Sometimes when you don’t know anyone is looking, you seem to fade away from everything. I know something terrible happened in Houston, but I don’t expect you to ever tell me, because I also know when you gave us an end date, there was no wiggle room. So, while I’m here, before we fade on each other, I would like to be as real as we can.”
I had pushed down my own sadness, doubts, fear, for years during my marriage, until they hit me over the head—literally—and I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I had no idea what Dominic had gone through, but I did know a man who hadn’t yet walked through the pain when I saw one.
He claimed his position as the owner of my pleasure. If he was trying to prove this was all we were—physical, sex, desire, and nothing else—then he failed. There was nothing casual about the unwavering pull between us. When we were together, everything else fell away.
“You are Eden and damnation, Claire.” That hurt, but I couldn’t really explain why.
“It’s a fucking honor to be part of your journey, Claire.”
“You have to see I’m all about you. Every second is you.”
“You don’t walk away from me.” He gripped my jaw, turning my face to the side. “You don’t sleep in another room. We had a deal.” His eyes were wild, but still so needy and mournful, tears pricked behind mine. “You broke our deal first.” I kissed him hard, not wanting excuses. This was madness, this thing between us. Reason had no place here. Dominic tipped my head back as far as it would go, drowning me with his lips and tongue. “You’re mine, Claire. Mine.” None of this made sense. We were done in five days. I wasn’t his, and he wasn’t mine. The boiling jealousy raging inside me wasn’t mine.
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“I don’t understand how she can want to go through it again.” “Through what?” Claire asked. “Loving someone, loving her new baby, while knowing what it’s like to have that kind of love ripped from her.” I shook my head. “I could never. Never.”
It was the unknown endings I wouldn’t stick around for. Because nothing lasted forever, no matter how much I wished it wasn’t true. I’d done my share of hoping for forever, and those days were done for me.
Ending things wasn’t my choice anymore. If I could keep this man I’d fallen for so wholly, I would. But he made it clear again and again our time was finite, and I had to believe him, even though it felt like he never planned on letting me go either.
“I always want you where I am. That shouldn’t be a question at this point.” “You never want to be alone?” A line formed in the center of his forehead as his eyebrows pressed inward. “I want to be alone with you.” I snorted a laugh. “That’s not alone.” “If I have the choice between stewing in my own thoughts and spending every waking second with you, it’s going to be you every single time.”
“I’d stay, you know. If you asked me tomorrow, I’d stay.” I hadn’t meant to say that, but how could I not? If I walked away without bringing up the possibility of us being together after the tour, I’d regret it forever. Dominic’s arms flexed around my middle, and he buried his face in my neck, but he didn’t say a single word. And that was answer enough.
“You once told me it was easy to mistake need for love, and I’m beginning to think that’s what I’ve done with you. You came into my life when I needed what you offered, and I thought I was falling. I see how easy it would be to confuse the two feelings.” I slid my hand down his arm to rest on top of his. “Thank you for giving me what I needed. And thank you even more for reminding me never to settle. When I do fall in love, it will be with someone who unquestioningly loves me back in every way.”
Dominic Cantrell was a coward, and I was getting really tired of cowardly men.
Chicago and I were officially through. No more men who couldn’t find it within themselves to rise up and be better. No more settling for lukewarm. Once my bruises healed, I’d rise up and be better.
“He broke my heart.” I lifted a shoulder. “But nothing is unfixable.”
“My point is you’re incapable of closing your heart, even when you want to. You aren’t made that way. You, baby girl, were built to fall. It’s just who you are.”
I’d never met a braver woman. She was quiet about it. So quiet, it was easy to miss. Maybe most people did, but I’d seen her. She’d seen me too. She saw me for the coward I was.
It seemed like I had a habit of letting her go when all I really wanted to do was hold on as tight as I could.
This house had once held the lives of the people I’d loved most in the world, and now, it only held ghosts. I wanted to tear it down. But I needed to build it back up. To shed some blood and sweat and bring this place back to life. I hadn’t held a power tool in years, but my hands twitched to get dirty. The words weren’t there yet. The why of it all. But I knew, deep down in my bones, I was right where I was supposed to be.
