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“Does this feel okay?” I asked him, keeping my voice soft.
His chin dropped to his chest, his shoulders slumping as if a weight he’d been carrying around had shifted. Feeling bold, I let go of his hand before turning and sitting cross-legged so I could face him. I cradled his hand with one of mine and used the other to stroke lines down his palm with the tips of my fingers. Gil let out another breath, but he didn’t move otherwise. He let me stroke his hand without a word.
The whole time I was explaining, I kept stroking his palm. Gil seemed to relax further under my touch, his body practically melting into the sofa. It made me happy. It was difficult to see him distressed when I had no idea how to help him.
His question made me pause in my stroking. He cracked an eye open. “Don’t stop,” he murmured. “You like that?” He nodded and closed his eyes again. I resumed stroking his palm and took a moment to recognise the significance of this moment. This man who didn’t like people up in his personal space was allowing me to soothe him. Me. A girl he didn’t know that well.
“You’re letting me touch you.” He rubbed his face on his shoulder but didn’t open his eyes. “You’re not a random person, Theia. Not to me.” My heart squeezed painfully in my chest at his words. For Gil, it was a huge admission. I was someone to him. His tortured soul was beautiful to me.
What the fuck was happening to me? I didn’t want anyone. And I wanted him so badly, it fucking hurt.
It made me realise I wasn’t as okay as I thought after everything that had happened to me. I’d spent so long healing from all the trauma and pain, but I continued to assume men wanted one thing from me. My body.
Was I really so broken that I only saw value in my body and what I could do with it? Did I think that was all I had to offer other people, especially men? How could I think that about myself?
Telling the man I was obsessed with I’d been in scenes involving three other people made me nervous.
No wonder he needed someone to talk to. Struggling with your identity and who you were inside was no walk in the park. I kept my hand in his, wanting him to know I was here. The things he’d admitted to me tonight were fucking huge. It made me appreciate this man even more than I already did. It felt like a privilege to be allowed access to his most vulnerable parts. It made me want to give him mine in return.
He reached up and ran his knuckles along my cheek. My breath caught at the contact. “Stay safe, Theia.”
and Gil… well, let’s just say he’s fucking brutal and doesn’t sugar-coat a single thing.”
I already knew I was going to end up broken. My feelings were engaged. There was no turning them off now. I was the stupid one for having them. For wanting a man I couldn’t have.
“So, how was your evening?” he asked, raising an auburn eyebrow. I was about to answer when I stopped dead in the street. Leaning against the wall outside was Gil. He pushed off it when he spied me. What the… We’d only said goodbye less than fifteen minutes ago, and here he was. I didn’t know what to do with myself.
I could feel Gael staring at me. He didn’t move from my side. If anything, he held onto my arm tighter, as if he was guarding me against the man in front of us as Gil came to a standstill.
I shifted on my feet, expecting him to say goodbye now he’d checked up on me, but he didn’t. Every second that went by, it grew even more awkward.
I abruptly shut Zayn’s door, not wanting him to overhear my conversation with her. Then I walked towards her, making her eyes widen even further. The urge to be close to her drove me.
“Theia.” I don’t know why my heart started to beat faster when she smiled at me.
The thought of her leaving made me want to throw something. What the fuck was wrong with me today? I needed to get my shit together. If I wanted to see her, I had to ask.
“Only if you’re free. I wouldn’t want to impose on your time. I know you’re busy.” I’ll be free for you, Theia.
Her hair caught the light, making her look almost ethereal. It gave me a strange feeling in my chest. One I didn’t know how to interpret. All I knew was Theia’s blue-grey eyes were twinkling, and I couldn’t stop staring at her.
“Would you care for something sweet too?” Why would I want something sweet when I have you? Where the fuck did that come from? I was pretty sure my brain was playing tricks on me right now.
What the hell are you doing here, Gil? I couldn’t remember the last time I’d ever gone out to coffee with anyone. In fact, I don’t think I ever had. My life had been filled with the mafia and my family, not going on coffee dates with women. Not that this was a date. Definitely not.
And if we were friends, why the fuck was I staring at her hand resting on the sofa next to her thigh and wishing she would stroke mine with her fingers again?
“Being vulnerable with someone is difficult, but I want to be… with you.” Her chin dropped to her chest. “I guess what I’m trying to say is I would like to be your friend for real, not because there’s a transaction between us. And I’m hoping this isn’t scaring the shit out of you right now, because admitting it is scaring the hell out of me.”
“I thought I only needed someone to talk to, but I think I actually need a friend.” “Do you not have any friends?” I shrugged. “I have one. He forced me into being his friend, though.”
The way she smiled had me swallowing all over again.
And I liked it. I liked her. It was the only explanation I had for the rapid thudding of my heart behind my ribcage.
Her pupils dilated as I drew the fork out of her mouth. My eyes were on it, watching her chew and swallow. I couldn’t remember ever being interested in another person’s mouth the way I was with hers right then.
“Of course, I’d like to know who my competition for your best friend is.” She grinned to let me know she was joking. There’s no competition, Theia. I care about you in a completely different way from him.
I stepped back from Theia, dropping my hand and flexing it as I did it. The loss of contact made me feel odd.
Everything was a mess, and all I wanted was comfort. For someone to listen and tell me it was okay. I wasn’t broken. What those men had done didn’t define who I was for the rest of my life.
It wasn’t until I felt two hands covering mine and stilling their movement that I let out a shuddering breath. My eyes darted up and met Gil’s dark ones. He’d moved closer, and our thighs were almost pressing together. His face was expressionless, but there was emotion swelling in his eyes. Something that looked a little like anger mixed with understanding. It made me want to spill the whole sorry story and not leave a single thing out.
“Theia.” I whipped around to find him standing right behind me. My back knocked into the counter as I tried to contain my surprise.
If I told you what I’ve done for the famiglia, there’d be no going back.”
“You have pretty eyes,” I said with a giggle, then shoved my hand over my mouth, completely embarrassed by what had come out of it.
Yes, I’d always thought Theia was beautiful, but now this urge to touch her thrummed through my body. I wanted to explore every inch of her skin almost as much as I wanted to know everything going on in her mind.
I pitched my voice lower, wanting her to know this wasn’t a request. Theia visibly shivered, shut her mouth, and turned her gaze to the other room.
I wasn’t remotely stirred by the sight, but when I turned my gaze back towards Theia and caught the way she bit her lip, my hand twitched in my lap. The urge to pull her lip from her teeth made my jaw clench.
I’d asked Remi to tell them to make it a sensual experience. This scene was for Theia’s benefit, not mine.
“Then I want you to touch yourself.”
Her breathing grew more laboured as she continued. This was what she wanted. For someone to tell her exactly what to do. To make it all about her.
Her small pant was the most delicious sound I’d ever heard. I almost buried my face in her neck and asked her to moan.
“Gil…” “Are you going to be a good girl and do as you’re told?”
“Do you want someone to be on their knees for you? For them to worship your body the way it deserves?” “Oh fuck,” she hissed, her other hand sliding across her bare stomach. “Yes, I want that.”
“You want to be on display for me, don’t you? You want to be my good girl and show me how you pleasure yourself. Unless you want to be something else, hmm? What’s the word I’m looking for, Theia?”
The way she squirmed had me wrapping my hands around the back of the sofa. This overwhelming urge to take over and touch her myself was making me a little crazy, but I would stay in control. I had to. Didn’t matter if it was the first time in my life I’d ever wanted someone the way I wanted her.
“I want to be… to be…” “Yes?” “Your good little slut,” she whispered.
“That’s right, look at you on display for me. Does that feel good, Theia?” “Yes,” she whimpered. “Mmm, I bet it does. You’re being such a good little slut.”
“Gil,” she whimpered. I tried not to grind myself against the back of the sofa at the sound of my name on her lips, despite the fact I was aroused.
