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Glancing back before I went through, I noted Remi watching me with a worried look on her face. If she was fucking with me, I’d be pissed.
The last person I expected to see was sitting on the bed with a neutral expression on his face.
He stood up and took a step towards me.
The last time we’d been in the same space, he couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
I’d told myself I shouldn’t find my boss or his brothers hot, but it didn’t change the facts. They’d been blessed with a good set of genes.
Why the hell was he in his brother’s sex club if he didn’t want anything sexual? This had to be some kind of fucking joke.
“I want someone to talk to and because of things going on in my life, I need it to be confidential. I know you can’t talk about it outside this room.”
He’s paying for your time, Theia, so you need to give him what he wants. Don’t forget that.
“Okay. If that’s what you want, I can do that.” His face cleared of all emotion. “Are you sure?” I smiled at him,
There were other scenes I did with my colleagues, all of them centred around voyeurism, but they had to be booked in advance so we could organise everything. Performing was easy for me.
My colleagues could be chatty with their clients, but me? I was strictly business.
“Zayn gave me our father’s empire to run.” He met my eyes again. Pain radiated out of him, slamming into me like a ton of bricks. “And I don’t want to disappoint him, but I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
In fact, the urge to slide onto the floor and kneel at his feet was gnawing at me in the most disconcerting way. My hands wanted to reach out and touch him. To know what he looked like underneath his well-tailored clothes.
I didn’t think… I just… I need not to be in my own head.” He looked a little powerless as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders and he had no clue how to handle it. It tugged at my heartstrings. Life had clearly dealt him a rough hand the way it had me. It made me want to do something to make things easier for him.
I stepped closer to him. He flinched but didn’t tell me to move away. “Come sit with me and you can tell me what happened to make you feel so out of control, okay?”
“Telling you this isn’t easy for me. I never talk about how I feel. I couldn’t. Papá would have seen it as a weakness. I can’t afford to look weak to anyone, Theia. I have to show I’m strong or I’ll leave myself and my family open to attack. So that’s why I’m here… my head is all messed up over this and I don’t want to feel right now.”
A lot of people in this world looked down on sex workers, but Gil didn’t seem to be remotely fazed by my work. It made me relax slightly.
It brought back images of the room I’d been held in for two years with the raven painted above the door. A symbol I’d seen plastered all over the fucking building. Who the fuck sent me this?
It was merely a stupid charm. It didn’t mean anything. It means everything and you know it.
“Do you ever wish time would stand still for one minute so you could just breathe? I feel like I never get the chance to breathe.” “You can do that now if you want.”
But the way I wanted to use it with him was not how I did things here. I would be on my knees for him with his fist buried in my hair as he watched me with those cold, expressionless eyes of his and told me to suck his cock with my dirty little slut mouth.
I’d been busy stewing over the fact I’d almost told her the truth about Gennaro. Then I’d looked up, and the world stopped. My brain fucking stopped because of her.
She talked about voyeurism, something I’d never really understood. Then again, I didn’t think I truly understood sexual attraction. Well, on a theoretical level I did, and I had experienced it once, but nothing ever came of it.
“Demisexual.” I’d known since I was a teenager I was different, but it was only more recently I’d found a word to describe it. “I don’t experience sexual attraction without having an emotional connection with someone. I never have.”
“Oh… I didn’t… that’s… oh… oh!” “I really do just want to talk to you. The fact you’re a sex worker doesn’t change anything for me. I respect what you do.”
I rubbed my chest, a sudden pain overtaking it with the memories of the way he spoke to me. How he made me feel small and like I could do nothing right.
“I’m not going to lie. The more I hear about your dad, the more I think he was a shit parent and a bit of a dick.”
The last thought I had before I disappeared from Desecration into the night was that I couldn’t wait a whole week to see her again.
Me thinking about him in a sexual way felt wrong when he couldn’t see me that way.
She gave me a look. “And why not?” “He doesn’t have anyone else.”
They know where I work. They know where I fucking live!
“No, no, no, no, no.” I could hardly breathe as I sunk onto the floor and curled up into the foetal position. “They can’t hurt me. They can’t. It’s in the past, it’s all in the past,”
Then I cried myself to sleep because everything about today was too much for me to think about and handle.
If seeing Theia helped me, I should just fucking do it. She was the one thing in my life that felt good.
Go watch her… learn about her… let your curiosity guide you, Gil. You know you want to. I did. I really fucking did… so I would.
Her black heels were sky high with little red details. She walked across the room like she owned it and demanded everyone’s attention.
Theia spun around the pole once, her body undulating with the music. She slid her other hand along the front of her body. Then she hooked a leg around the pole and things really began. The way she moved transfixed me. How she spun around the pole with such elegance. The way she contorted her body, drawing attention to its curves and edges. There was a certain confidence to her like she knew everyone’s eyes were on her. I couldn’t look away to check, not wanting to miss a single second.
Her attention went to the rest of the room as she continued to dance, but it kept drifting back to me every so often, almost as if to make sure I was still watching. As if I could drag myself away now. Theia had this way about her that demanded all of your attention.
It was then I realised my body had reacted to the sight of Theia dancing. It made me lean forward and adjust myself, cursing under my breath. I was uncomfortable with the involuntary arousal my body displayed. I didn’t feel any desire to touch myself or for sex. This shit happened without me wanting it to.
And I was feeling self-conscious after my involuntary reaction to her.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I need.” I waved at my head. “There’s too much… I can’t…”
“Then let me take care of you.” Take care of me? What… what are you going to do?
Gil looked so afraid. His dark eyes were wide and unblinking. I didn’t know why he was acting so oddly today. He didn’t seem like himself. Sweat had formed along his brow like this whole situation was making him anxious. And it bothered me. This was meant to be a place he could feel safe. Where he could open up.
How can I make this better for you, Gil? I want to. I want to take care of you so fucking bad.
“Take care of me?” he asked in a quiet voice laced with confusion.
I was fully aware Gil needed to be approached with caution and care. Remi made it clear he required his personal space, especially with people he didn’t know. I wasn’t a stranger any longer, at least not completely. Everything inside me screamed to soothe him somehow.
“Gil… would it be okay if I held your hand?” I watched him swallow hard at my words, but he didn’t look at me. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “Would you be willing to try? We can stop if you feel uncomfortable.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you want me to provide you with a safe space to talk and give you friendship, right?” I’d assumed he wanted a friend after he’d said he wanted to know me. “Yes.” “When my friends are distressed, I comfort them. I don’t think you’d want me to hug you, so I’m asking if you’d accept something smaller and less intrusive.” Gil’s teeth scraped across his bottom lip as if he was contemplating my words.
“I’m making an exception… just this once.” Quite honestly, I’d make all the exceptions for you, Gil. I’d let you touch me everywhere, but you don’t want that, so I won’t admit it to you.
Gil let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. He didn’t attempt to move away or even tell me to stop. His hand twitched when I laced our fingers together. He’d let me touch him and neither of us was running away. I was okay with this.
