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April 28 - May 30, 2025
Three explosions ripped through the night. The seeker spiders were starting to find targets. Then a fourth. “I got them, Carl! I got them!” Donut cried.
They each landed upon an alien, who turned out to be a pair of tentacle-faced Saccathians, both wearing some sort of mechanical enhancements on their legs. Both died screaming.
Warning: The God Diwata has made an appearance in the realm. Diwata has marked you for death. You are being hunted. They know where you are. Flee for your life, apostate.
“Donut, if I tell you to do something, you have to do it immediately.” “Okay, mister bossy pants. We ended up not needing them yet, did we?” “That’s beside the point.” “Is it? Because the last I looked, this was the Royal Court of Princess Donut. Not the Stupid Team of Stupid Dictator Carl and his Abused Slave Cat, Princess Donut.”
“Circe?” Li Jun asked. “Do we know who that is?” “You know that bug Carl gave gonorrhea to? Circe is her mom!” Donut said. Everyone turned to look at me.
“You smell nice,” she said to Imani. “You have a very soothing aura about yourself. I used to be able to do that, but mine made men wild with desire. Stay away from my man, or I’ll kill you.”
“And stop threatening people. Next time you do it, I’m going to bury you in a hole and leave you there.”
He says... Threateningly
Something to do with the Vinegar Bitch and Eileithyia.” She looked over at Katia and started making a snuffling noise. “You have her scent, you know. My sniffer is coming back. I always liked the way she smelled. Not Diwata. She smells like a diseased, flea-infested ferret.”
“Diwata is like a shapeshifter,”
She turned in to a male mantis to fuck her daughter
I couldn’t stop thinking of Everly’s final, heartbreaking entry in the cookbook. My sponsor was deliberately steering me not toward life, but a death that would be watched and remembered.
<Note added by Crawler Everly, Fifth Edition> I take it back. I take it all back. My sponsor was deliberately steering me not toward life, but a death that would be watched and remembered and ultimately heartrending and painful. I was a fool. Fuck you, Dictum Waystation Controls, Limited, whatever that means. I hope your company and all your children die in pain. <Note added by Crawler Drakea. 22nd Edition> This is Everly’s last entry. She did not mention the manner in which she was set up, which is unfortunate. Please, future author. Be as detailed as you can.
Number of Crawlers attending the party: 73 Number of Hunters attending the party: 264
This protection is only active while you are in the proper, designated ballroom.”
“So if my friend Quan tries to one-arm strangle me, you’ll intervene?”
She panic-cast her Shield spell just as the white-tagged Queen Imogen finished fading into existence. “Your majesty,” I said, trying to swallow. Oh fuck. Oh shit. He’s going to lose his mind. “Are you really attempting to smuggle someone who looks like my half-sister into the castle?” Carl: Katia. It worked. We drew her out. But it’s Ifechi. Queen Imogen is Ifechi, Florin’s dead girlfriend.
CARL IS ALWAYS IN THE BATHROOM. AND I DON’T LIKE THE CHARM PLAN. IT’S THE NIPPLE RING ALL OVER AGAIN. I DON’T LIKE BEING STABBED, CARL. I’D LIKE FOR YOU TO GET STABBED FOR ONE OF YOUR PLANS SOMETIME. Sign the notes, Donut. ~Carl. IT’S QUITE OBVIOUS WHO IS SPEAKING, CARL.
Donut: I JUST GOT MY PLUS-ONE TOKEN BACK. I DON’T KNOW WHY. Carl: I think Britney might’ve hit the top-50 on her own. She was 58 a few hours ago. Donut: WELL THAT’S JUST RUDE. NOW I LOOK LIKE I’M GOING TO THE PARTY ALONE LIKE A LOSER.
Carl: Florin, you know the rule. We all agreed to it. If Imogen took the form of one of our loved ones, the intended target goes down the stairs. Florin: Go fuck yourself, Carl. I don’t see your cat going down the stairs. Now back off. I’m fine.
“She reminds me of my mother,” Britney said.
Samantha
Is she gonna take ifechis body?
The wand itself will still be three floors below. It’s just like the magic pens the Popovs and I used to sign autographs at Crawl Con.
This is confusing as shit. I’m getting Iron Tangle flashbacks. I hated the Iron Tangle. ~Louis
Im convinced Louis is a self insert by matt
It reminded me of those backpacks from the Ghostbusters movies, only hers was also part of her shirt. So removing the weapon exposed her hairy chest, revealing a pair of furry, dog breasts.
“I’m very cross with you, Carl,” D’Nadia said, coming to stand next to me. I could smell her. She smelled like sweet calamari. “Your attorney and that new corporation of yours almost ruined my buy-in bid.”
“I find that hard to believe,” I said. I was laying it on thick, trying my best not to let my new-found, utter contempt for her show. “Tell me, do empresses usually judge pet shows?”
“Hey, Vrah,” I said cheerfully. “How was your visit with your mother?”
“Thanks, I really appreciate that. It’s not even my birthday. Actually, maybe it is? I’ve lost track.
Vrah bristled. “You’re not the only one who can bend the rules to your will. You and your soft-shelled friends will soon learn what it means to make an enemy of the Dark Hive.” “Don’t you guys run an amusement park? What do you do to your enemies? Ban them from the bumper boats?”
The last time I’d seen Eva, she had a dozen or so player killer skulls. She now had over 50.
I put my hand on Katia’s shoulder. It looked like flesh, but her arm was made of metal. She had a locker full of potions stored in there. “Calm,” I said, looking into her eyes. “We anticipated this. It’s okay.” Donut was suddenly there, on Katia’s other shoulder.
“Oh hello, Eva,” Donut said, her voice turning flat. “I thought I smelled vermin. You know, I was just thinking about you today. It reminded me that I need my litter box changed. Carl.” “Yeah, I’ll get right on that.”
They’re just doing it willy-nilly. You know how I feel about willy-nilly, Carl.”
“We still need to be prepared. This is a very fluid situation.” “Speaking of fluid situations, they didn’t say there weren’t bathrooms in here. It’s outrageous!”
“I knew this was going to be amateur hour, but once you see it up close, you don’t fully appreciate the level of ineptitude it required to make something look this nice yet be so functionally inefficient at the same time. You know what it’s like? It’s like a stage version of a cocker spaniel.”
“I know this will come as a shock to you, but I must insist that I join your party.”
What if he gets the party killer thing tho
Prepotente screamed in response. Right in my ear.
Goddamnit, Donut, I thought.
We are not considered citizens, so oxygen and land is not a right.
The wolf man shook his fearsome head. “Hello to you, too, Carl. I’m still not allowed to say. Last time we spoke, I asked you to tell him I am sorry about what happened. I regret it every day. But if we hadn’t done it, we’d all be dead, including him and his brother. That’s all there is to say about it.” He paused uncertainly and then added, “They do that. If you survive long enough in this place, they’ll eventually make you turn on your own party. It happens every time. You’ll regret making it as far as you have, no matter who is helping you. No matter how close you are, we’re all alone in
...more
A scroll called Paw Patrol.
“This is Gimli.
She got the sheet music for it, and she sang it perfectly on her second or third try.” “Really?” he asked. “That’s pretty impressive.” “That’s what she keeps telling me,” I said.
The song Donut was going to sing this evening was easy for her because it was a song she’d been hearing her entire life. There was a bit of a mystery there, a chicken and the egg thing, but I had too much to deal with to wonder on it for long.
Prepotente was now on stage with Bianca. He literally said nothing. He just screamed once, and the massive, sizzling, black-fire goat thing hissed. They got off the stage, which smoldered and then caught on fire. Elves appeared from nowhere and started stamping out the flames.
Elle had moved off into a corner and was in a deep conversation with the hairless, human hunter. The dude looked like he was crying. She said something to him angrily and zipped away, coming back toward our side of the room.
“But...” Donut had protested. “Low key.” The lights in the entire ballroom dimmed. A red glow emanated on stage. A small billow of smoke appeared. “Ladies and gentlemen! Crawlers and hunters alike, prepare yourselves,” came Louis’s voice over the loudspeaker. He was hidden somewhere backstage. “Oh fuck,” I muttered.
I caught Imani’s eye, and she gave me a look that said, you need to learn to control your goddamned cat.
Carl: Louis. Where is that music coming from? Louis: She made me do it. I built a boombox that makes it so it’s not so loud. Carl: Those are my trap modules. How many did you use? Louis: Uh. Hang on a second. Don’t get madder.
Two of my expensive and hard-to-make, colored, signal flare smoke bombs exploded, one in each corner. “Motherfuck,” I hissed.
His blue and red feathers with a slight insinuation of youthful pink present a masculine form that hints at a sensitive depth. The ladies love him.”
