The Butcher's Masquerade (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #5)

by Matt Dinniman

“But then they’ll just run away,” Donut said. “I’d run away if some crazy guy showed up at game night and pulled out a gun and said, ‘Let’s play Russian Roulette instead of spin the bottle.’”

“Rest assured it’s just for a little bit,” Prepotente said. “It’s simply because I need Donut’s assistance. Carl is not necessary, but she insists on keeping him with her. Apparently he’s been with her family for a long time.” “Eat a bag of dicks, Pony,” I said. He screamed in my face.

You have been Peace-Bonded! Peace Bonding has been negated by AI resolution. You have been frozen! Freeze has been negated by AI resolution. You have been paralyzed! Paralysis has been negated by AI resolution. You have been slowed! Slow has been negated by AI resolution. This went on for a good fifteen seconds. It was a whole line of debuffs, one after another, all followed by the debuffs getting immediately negated by the AI. “What the hell?” I muttered. A moment passed, and a few additional debuffs appeared, including a teleport and something called an Administrative Hold. All of them were pushed back. There was a flash of light, and four figures with guns—Gnolls—appeared, but they disappeared in a crackle of smoke just as quickly as they’d come. We looked at each other in confusion. Prepotente screamed. It echoed loudly. None of us moved for several seconds. Nothing else happened.

“Like I said, Pony, I haven’t had the chance to examine it yet. But I do know the full title.” “Don’t call me by my special name,” Prepotente said. “What’s the title?”

“I still don’t understand why they gave these items to you and not me,” Prepotente muttered. He pulled something else from his inventory. It looked like a thermometer. He held it against the wall. “I’m guessing finances.” “Probably the same reason they gave you the potion to give to me,” Donut said. “Our sponsors want us to work together.” “Oh, yes,” Prepotente said. “Thank you for reminding me.” Crawler Prepotente has left the party. Princess Donut has been designated party leader.

She trailed off. Behind me, Prepotente picked up the little baton. The one called The Enchanted Stick of Cascadia’s Screams. He started to push it into the wet spot on the glass. The stick pushed through like magic. Godsdamnit, Prepotente. Don’t do it. Please. I worked so hard to make this floor happen.

The goat looked up at the ceiling and said, “My mother would’ve been quite proud of this, I think. She would’ve called me her very smart boy. I want you to know that she played the piano. She used to let me into the house. Only me, and she would play the piano for me and sing. She was going to do it again at the talent competition. I am never going to get that back.” He picked up the hammer, and he whispered, “You’re a good boy, my sweet little Pony. You’re a good, smart boy.” He gave the stick a very tiny little tap. Crack.

The last thing I heard before the light enveloped us was Cascadia screaming over the dungeon’s announcement system.

She proceeded to hack up a hairball onto the floor, which was a mix of blood and bug pieces and glass shards.

After his comment, she’d pulled a blitz stick and lit it. Only Daniel knew. She had two big secrets in this dungeon, and this was one of them.

The Crown of the Sepsis Whore.

I dropped to the groundreading this

I do that sometimes. I hurt those around me.