Nine Days (Unfrozen Four, #1)

by Joelina Falk

“Ah, maybe we’ll see Colin. I’ll make sure to set you up for a date with him. He’s ridiculously hot, not as hot as Aaron, obviously. But he’s single, inked, and just as dark-humored as you are.”

Dark-humored. I’m a depressed being, making jokes about my death to cope. Maybe they’re not too much of jokes since I do want to die.

“well now I know that I’m the fuel and she’s the spark”—Wildfire by Seafret

I don’t want to remember me. Lily

Wishing someone to die is not okay. Not ever. No matter how deep your hatred goes. Who knows, maybe they’re like me and wish the same thing. And who knows, maybe they will go through with it. Like me.

And oh so suddenly, I feel like I’m Hannah Baker, and Winter is my thirteenth reason why.

“If anything, you will get send straight to heaven for fighting against whatever makes you want to die.”

hand. “Give me two weeks, Reyes.” “Two weeks for what?” “To show you that life isn’t as bad as it may seem at the moment.” This can’t be happening right now, can

“Give me two weeks to show you that there is more to live for, more to be alive for. Give me two weeks to make you fall back in love with life.”

“but if you never try, you’ll never know just what you’re worth”—Fix You by Coldplay

So if there is a chance that I can be her light shining through the darkness, that I can be the yang to her yin, I have to try.

“I’ll even volunteer to make sure everyone gets their letters when you do end up dead,” I offer, ignoring her question. “Just give me those nine days, Lilybug. You have nothing to lose.”

Beauty is also within the darkness. It’s within misery and solitude, even if it’s masked.

“if only you saw what I could see, you’ll understand why I want you so desperately”—What Makes you Beautiful by One Direction

Lily: And you’re not my boyfriend, Carter. You’re my unalive delayer.

“You wanted to make me fall in love with life, not you,”

Colin Carter is an asshole. I planned on spending my two remaining weeks writing my goodbyes, and my thoughts along the way toward death, but instead, I’m stuck with an ignorant and stubborn jock.

He won’t even accept a simple no. He demanded to show me that there is more to live for. Now guess what? I’ll have to spend the next couple of days at his mercy. Nine days, to be exact. I caved in and gave him nine days to prove me wrong. He won’t manage to do that. My mind is set on dying. He can show me whatever he wants, it won’t change a thing. But I guess he’s right. Why would I spend my last days on my own when I can spend them with some stranger who offers me a good time for free? I certainly hope he won’t make me pay for anything. I mean, I don’t even want to be there in the first place, so he might as well pay. I start to laugh. I wonder if these days count as dates. Isn’t that what dates are all about? Two people go out, go on adventures, eat in a way too expensive restaurant, do stupid things. And just have a great time. But if that counts as such, does spending time with a friend count as a date as well? A friend date perhaps?

wouldn’t know. I’ve never been on a date before. Not a real one anyway. The next letter will be addressed to Winter. I know, Winter is a lot. She isn’t very nice most of the time. And yes, she’s a drama queen. Oh God, Winter, if you’re reading this right now, I’m sorry. But you know it’s the truth. But despite her urge to cause drama, she has been my best friend for a while now. I couldn’t live with myself if she didn’t get a goodbye letter. That’s ironic, I won’t even be alive to witness her reading it. Lily

You’re so wrong, Lilybug. You will be alive. You will be happy again. I promise.

“don’t worry, I promise you’ll be fine”—Fee Time by

in the shape of a goddamn frog. I almost have to smile. “Sunrises are beautiful. A new day arrives. It’s a new beginning. With every sunrise, you get the chance to start all over again. It’s like a reset button.”

“Lilybug, this has nothing to do with superstitions. It’s simply a new beginning. View the sunrise as whatever you please. See it as a moment of carelessness. The second you can see the sun rise and the sky starts to show itself in all its glory, close your eyes and wish for something you truly desire. For instance, a painless day.”

“Fine, let’s just wait until the sun is rising, then you can stand by the edge and scream from the top of your lungs. Release all of your anger from the past years. Let the pain from yesterday leave your body. Grant yourself a pause, just until the sun is up and then you can come back to reality,” he offers, I think?

away

I have no idea when the sun would start to rise, I never paid attention to it before, and yet I’m somewhat excited.

“Yeah. It’s alright though. She’s Eira. I mean, Eira thinks beyond everything. She’s excited to die because she believes that the universe wants her to start a new adventure. No, needs her to go on a new one.” That’s a really beautiful way of thinking about death.

“Think of the sky as your pain and scream.”

But that’s all right. I’ll save them and if I do remember my life before death, I’ll think back to these moments with a smile on my face.

Suddenly I’m way more excited for the next seven days with Colin. I can’t count today anymore, he’s chosen the early morning as his time of the day, so I don’t think I will see him much for the rest of it.

“you kept breathing but stopped living”—Birthday Cake by Dylan Conrique

He knows how to live. But I don’t. I will never know. And it scares me.

Do I stay, and continue to feel worthless, or do I leave and pray to God I will be happier wherever I end up? Lily

“I’d do anything for my bippity-boppity-boo”—Find My Way To You by Miles Parrish, Shalom Margaret

“I think I found a flower in a field of weeds”—surrender by Billy Talent

care

“it kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless”—Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi

“I’ll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head”—Say You Won’t Let Go by James Arthur

“You’re trying to make my life less miserable for the amount of time I have left.” I offer an awkward smile.

“Stop what?” He doesn’t even acknowledge his hand squeezing mine. “Stop trying to get you to see a more colorful world? Stop trying to pretend that I don’t want to kiss you? Stop trying to ignore that I’m hard as a rock right now, only because I’m touching your hand?”

“so go and break up my relationships and break my fucking heart”—PLEASEXANNY by Chase Atlantic

“Because now I can’t stop thinking about your lips.” I storm past Lily, walking into her living room. I grab her wrist on my way in, pulling her after me.

I have never felt like this before. I’ve never been frustrated because I wanted a girl, and yet here I am. Lily is the only person running through my mind, especially in times when she shouldn’t.

“Unbutton my pants and I will no longer keep up the nice guy. I will have to fuck you disrespectfully,” I warn. “You can’t even kiss me, Colin.”

“she’s headin’ for something that she won’t forget”—Night Changes by One Direction

“In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m here to help you stay alive. I don’t want you to die.”

“I will never understand how you feel. But, Lilybug, I can try and help you understand that you’re not alone. I can try and make the pain bearable. You’re such a wonderful person, I couldn’t live with myself knowing you’ve died and I didn’t even try to stop you,”

“I never declared you as my girlfriend.” “You said I’m yours. It’s the same thing.” “So it appears, huh?”

“You’re mine to spend the next six days with. Mine to convince how amazing life can be if you let it.”

“it could be nothing cause nothing lasts forever”—Like Strangers Do by AJ Mitchell