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I’m Lily Heaven Reyes… and I live in fucking hell.
My life will end in two weeks because I want it to.
Okay so this is gonna be rough
Sometimes her lies sound like she believes I think I’m too ugly for this world. I’m aware that I’m not. I’m depressed, not insecure about my facial features.
Dark-humored. I’m a depressed being, making jokes about my death to cope.
Come to think a catchphrase such as “Nine, Nine” from that TV show Brooklyn nine-nine would be great.
99
“Congratulations on your victory,” she speaks. Her voice is sweet and calm, I think I just fell in love with it.
I watch her leave, and when she’s around the corner, I notice a mint green notebook lying on the seat. She forgot her notebook, dammit.
I’m not afraid of death. In fact, I think it will be quite peaceful. For me anyway. I won’t have to deal with all these feelings anymore. I won’t have to deal with the pain anymore. I won’t have to deal with the people causing the pain anymore. I won’t have to deal with the constant cries and long nights anymore. It’ll be over. Nothing could be better than that.
Someone needs to help our girl!!!
I will watch over you and protect you from this day forth. I will smile with you, laugh with you, cry with you. Be the big sister you’ve always wanted. Even though I may not be there with you physically, I will be there. Every step you take, I will be there.
I’m not going to survive this book
To my surprise, Aaron does the very same fake gagging sound as Lily did. That’s interesting.
Bro they are siblings
Marsh just openly admitted to not being with her, yet he doesn’t want me touching this girl. Something is off, and I will find out what it is.
Okay, maybe Winter wouldn’t like knowing I meet up with her on-again, off-again boyfriend. But she doesn’t know half the truth, so I don’t care.
Why does no one know y’all are related
Aaron isn’t bad looking. I, however, never fell and never will fall under his spell, for very obvious reasons. He’s my twin brother.
Not just sibblings but TWINS WTF
“She doesn’t know we’re still in touch. Actually, she doesn’t know we’ve ever been in touch. I think she would officially replace me with another daughter,”
Okay what in the family drama??!?
Their children; split in half. They thought, good thing we have two kids, twins even. Makes it easier. My father got one, and my mother one.
Wtf?!? That’s fucked
Mom never regretted turning her back to her son. She never even gave him one more thought after that day. She didn’t keep pictures, didn’t speak about him to me, didn’t even mention him to other people.
“What’s up Lilybug?” Colin nods his head at me. He read it. I just know he did. Colin didn’t know my name before, so he checked if there was one inside the notebook.
“No date, dude. She’s like a sister to me.” I am his sister.
We both agreed on never mentioning that we’re siblings. Though, if someone looked at the both of us a little longer than just one second, I’m sure it’s obvious that we’re twins. We look ridiculously alike.
Which is why the only guys I’ve ever dated were fictional.
me too bitch.
It’s such a shame that it won’t be happening, especially because it’s very unrealistic, to begin with. But, hey, at least I’m determined to go through with my suicide plan.
Okay, this needs a better name. My unalive journey 101. Sounds just as stupid.
But right before she leaves the room completely, she turns around and looks at me one more time. “I liked you, Lily. But you’re such a bitch, maybe you are better off dead.” Ironic, isn’t it? I believe the same thing. I’m better off dead, and here’s proof that not only I believe it.
What in the fuck!!!! I’m gonna kill winter
And oh so suddenly, I feel like I’m Hannah Baker, and Winter is my thirteenth reason why.
Bitch lmao
“Aaron will also murder me when I tell him I knew you wanted to kill yourself and I didn’t let him know what was going on with you. So either way, I will die.”
I’m laughing. I’m actually and genuinely laughing. I’m wondering how he does that. It’s as though Colin Carter is naturally funny even though what he said wasn’t even supposed to be.
“Give me two weeks to show you that there is more to live for, more to be alive for. Give me two weeks to make you fall back in love with life.”
I’m going to cry
Not one beautiful thing comes without a bad part.
So if there is a chance that I can be her light shining through the darkness, that I can be the yang to her yin, I have to try.
“I named it my unalive journey 101,” she corrects, interrupting me. “Fine. You would only finish writing your unalive journey 101, stupid name by the way,
Beauty is also within the darkness. It’s within misery and solitude, even if it’s masked.
“He said he loved someone else,” Winter speaks through gritted teeth. Suddenly, she sits up straight. Her attention is focused on Lily, so I assume she doesn’t even notice me. “We both know this someone is you.”
“Why did you ask me what I was doing for my birthday, Colin?”
Forgot they were twins lmao
Man, today’s our first official day of hanging out together. The first day we’ve truly talked, exchanged more words than five and she’s already got me wrapped around her finger.
Looks like Aaron truly doesn’t want me hanging around Lily. Should I listen to him? Totally. Do I care? I certainly should.
“When did Aaron and you meet?” “A long time ago.” Seriously?
He's so dumb
I was kind of telling myself that I would know if she was the right one. That it would click right away. We would get along right when we meet, and that would have nothing to do with sexual tension. Aiden used to tell me that’s how it works. Kind of like with Lily.
“He’s my brother, Colin.”
“Aaron and you, you’re twins?” “Did you look at Aaron and me?” She chuckles. “We look identical. Almost.” “Why the hell didn’t you just say so right away? No, instead you let me babble all about how you fucked your brother.”
“God, that means it’s also your birthday this Saturday!” I make a mental note to buy a present for her. “You guys are almost twenty-one years old. I don’t think she can do much about it.” How am I only now registering this information? She mentioned it like five minutes ago.
WE KNOW
“Carter,” Lily speaks quietly. “You cannot tell Aaron about this, about me. You need to promise you won’t say a word.”
“if only you saw what I could see, you’ll understand why I want you so desperately”—What Makes you Beautiful by One Direction
I’m not mad at him for not telling me about Lily, but I sure do love to pretend I am.
Me fr
“Dumbass. You completely ignored all of my ‘keep your hands off of Lily’s.” “Funny. Your sister calls me the same name. Just sounds way cuter when she says it.” Did I mention that I love teasing Aaron?
“You’re not off the hook, Carter.” Grey stops me. “You have a thing for Aaron’s sister. Good luck with that. If she’s only a tiny bit like him, you will definitely need it.”
You’re so wrong, Lilybug. You will be alive. You will be happy again. I promise.
I’m just worried I might grow on him like he’s starting to grow on me… kind of.
“Yeah. It’s alright though. She’s Eira. I mean, Eira thinks beyond everything. She’s excited to die because she believes that the universe wants her to start a new adventure. No, needs her to go on a new one.”
I laugh. The kind of laughter I didn’t allow myself to let out for years.
He cares about people he doesn’t even know. And I come to believe that maybe if I wasn’t going to die, I could see him in my life as someone more than just a friend.
Well you could always not kill urself
