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I hate hugs. Or I used to until I’m in Colin’s embrace. His arms wrap around me so gently, yet firm enough, accompanied by so much protection, I feel like he’s trying to convince me that he’s my armor now. And boy do I feel safe in his arms.
When he pulls away and goes to collect the blanket he brought, I feel empty again. Like something inside of me feels lost without Colin by my side. I hate that I feel this way.
I’m so fucking ridiculous. My chest hurts, Colin. My heart’s in pain. I can’t take this anymore.
Not her addressing him in the book
But it’s been two days I have enjoyed more than the twenty years I’ve been alive.
Who am I kidding? I don’t have anything else planned, I just want to make sure Lily doesn’t kill herself.
“Fuck you, man.” “I would, but I have your sister for that.”
I slide my thumb over her lips, freeing Lily’s bottom lip from her teeth. “Don’t hide your smile. It’s too pretty to keep it hidden,” I whisper.
This was an accident. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Lily and I weren’t supposed to kiss. We’re friends. Friends don’t kiss.
Sureeeee
I bet this is all because of Aiden.
Who is Aiden???
I made her mine to care about, and now she’s too important to me to stop. I want her alive. I need her alive. I need her to breathe, to live. I need her to be here, with Aaron, with her family and friends. With me.
I already donated most of what I had to charities when I decided I don’t want to live any longer. It’s not like I was going to need it anymore.
Not her giving away all her money
I love that guy, but if he dares touch what’s mine, I will have to cut off some hands.
This can’t happen. I can’t do this to Colin. He deserves better than a suicidal girlfriend. We’re not even a couple, and I still think he deserves better than me.
No one could love me back to life. I can’t even love myself back to life. I can’t expect anyone to save me when I can’t even save myself.
“Don’t think I have a favorite. However, I do listen to Chase Atlantic a lot,” he answers.
Thats hot
I love the taste of Lily now. I could only ever downgrade from her. No one could ever measure up ever again, now that I’ve got a taste of heaven.
This is gonna hurt
I cannot get anywhere near more people with one foot in the grave. I’ve had plenty of those in my life.
Does this have to do with Aiden?
So he meant disrespect in a hot way. All right.
“Colin managed to make me feel more alive in three days than I’ve ever felt for almost twenty-one years. You can’t seriously be mad at your best friend for making my life better.”
“When did you do it?” “What?” “Don’t play dumb, Lily.”
“You’ll hurt me either way. Might as well use my body right from the start.”
She laughs, but it quickly dies down. “He loves you.” “He doesn’t.” “You do see the way he looks at you, right?”
I also know that this is the last thing my mother will have said to me before I died. You shouldn’t have been born, Lily.
She is mine. Even if she dies, she’s always going to be mine. I know this girl is special. She has a huge heart, loves with so much brightness. It’s so sad that she can’t see it. So I’ll be loving her. I’ll love her until her last breath, and even after that, I’ll continue to love her with every breath I take. Even if I have to breathe for the both of us.
How do I tell someone who’s suicidal that I’ve already found my happiness, and it will leave right when she does? How do I tell her that she is my happiness, that she is bringing light to my life? How do I tell her that she is my joy, everything that brings me satisfaction, that she is my euphoria… without sounding like I want her to stay alive for me?
“Really? I don’t usually switch between languages in front of anyone but my family.”
Thats hot
“Let’s see who’d cave first, Colin or Aaron.” Excuse me? “I bet Lily could never get Archer Kingston’s phone number,” he voices a bet.
This is hilarious
“You will have four fists in your face in about two seconds if you don’t remove your hand from my girl.”
“I was a virgin.”
Wtf
“You’re going to be the death of me, mi sol.”
At this rate she wont be the only one killing herself. Im going too.
“You see God around here somewhere?” I shake my head. “Exactly.” He kisses me. Deeply. Possessively. “You’re mine, Lily. I’m not even sharing you with God.”
He is a nosy pain in the ass. Thinking I don’t know he’s awake and reads this right now.
“I had an older brother,” I admit. I don’t think I’ve ever truly talked about him before.
Aiden
“You once asked why I’m doing this,” I say, hoping she might remember her question. “I never answered your question.” She nods. “I let him slip away, Lily.”
“You couldn’t have known.” “I did know. Tell me how ‘if one of us is going to die first, it is going to be me’ isn’t a clear indication.”
Oh honey
“No can do, mi sol. I’m addicted.” Colin falls back against the sofa, holding his hand to his heart.
This man!!!!!!!
“She can’t die, Colin,” he repeats. “I’ve never been the best brother, but she’s all I have left from my mother. And even if that wasn’t a reason, she’s the other half of me. If she dies, I don’t think I could get through this.”
Oh no
God, it’ll all end with Lily hating me.
Actually, I’ll take any Liliana Heaven Reyes. Well, if it’s my Lilybug. I only want—need—this one.
This woman could ask me to rob a bank and I would do it for her.
“You deserve some happiness, Lily. And it’s pretty obvious that this big guy over there is head over heels for you.”
“Eres el amor de mi vida, mi sol.”
STOP IT RN
“Siempre te amaré.”
The only source of light in my life can’t die on me. Colin can’t die even if he wanted to. Not ever. Okay, maybe of old age, but even that is almost crossing the line.
Oh how the tables have turned
Lily doesn’t know it yet, but she totally is my girlfriend.
When did I stop listening to what my heart wanted? When did I allow awful thoughts, an illness, to come between me and my passion?
Am i sensing a break through?
“Oh, Aiden would love that! He has to be so damn pleased with himself right now. And he’d be proud of you, obviously.” “I suppose.” “Colin, if Aiden was here and he would’ve heard you say that, he’d be flashing a smile as bright as the Eiffel Tower when it’s doing this sparkly thing.”
Wait now i want to know the back story
“No thank you. I’d rather spend more time with you and your fake girlfriend.”
Stfu shes so funny
“If you ever find someone that makes you want to rip your heart out and hand it to that person on a silver platter. If you ever find someone that warms not only your bed but also your heart and soul… hold on to them forever. They’re your sun. They’re what’s bringing light into your life. If they can ease your pain with just being there, lighten your mood, brighten up your days by simply being in your life. Colin, Eira, el o ella es tu sol.”—he or she is your sun.
“Why did you get a lily tattooed on your chest, right over your heart?”
<3
