More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
couple of days before prom. After she went with me to order your corsage. It was an accident.
AFTER BUYING AUTUMNS CORSAGE, HE CHEATED ON HER
I know staying in bed for most of the day isn’t helping my argument that I just need to be left alone, but I can’t summon the resolve to do anything else. As long as I can sleep, I feel numb, and numb is good; numb doesn’t hurt.
“I’m sorry they made you do this,” I say. “Who?” Finny says. “The Mothers.” He shakes his head. “They didn’t,” he says. “It was my idea.” He’s looking down at his lap. He doesn’t move. He just sits there with me. I look at his shoulders and his hands. His hair is even more golden from the summer sun. Something stirs in me, and I push it down again. I’d rather feel nothing.
Both of their faces light up when they see us. “We’re going to get ice cream,” Finny says. “I’m being kidnapped,” I say. “Good job, Phineas,” my mom says. “Have fun, kids,” Aunt Angelina says.
He remembered that mint chocolate chip is my favorite. He got plain vanilla like always. I used to tease him about it. He turns out of the parking lot in the other direction from home. “Where are we going?” I ask. “To the park,” he says. “The longer we’re gone, the better they’ll feel.”
“And do you know what Jamie said? He said I ‘needed him too much.’” I draw quotes in the air with my fingers. Finny makes a face. “What does that mean?”
I love that he doesn't even seem to fathom the ide
He rolls down the windows on the drive home. I hold my hand out the window and feel the air rushing through my fingers. I take my hair out of the ponytail and it whips around my face.
HE KNOWS. HE JUST REMEMBERS
“What are you doing tomorrow?” Finny asks. I shrug. “Let me take you to breakfast and then you can spend the rest of your day lying in bed or whatever you want.”
He adds to her plans rather than changing them fully
I cry myself to sleep again but not just for Jamie this time.
If my plans had been with anyone else but Finny, I wouldn’t have been able to drag myself out of bed.
“What time will you be home?” Mom asks. “I dunno,” I say. “It’s just breakfast.” “Call if you’ll be later than midnight.” “You’re hilarious, Mom.” Finny opens the door for me and we go outside. “Mine was ecstatic too,” he says.
“I haven’t actually talked to her since graduation though. I know I should call her, but—” I shrug and take another bite. “I bet she understands,”
What if they pick sasha and jamie over autumn?
If I’m wondering what he’s saying to Sylvie, then I’m not wondering what Jamie might be saying to Sasha. I watch Finny scratch his arm or yawn, and my mind isn’t anywhere but in the moment, with him; I’m safe from hurting myself.
"I'm not depressed" she says mere chapters before a breakdown and threat to harm self
“Will you be okay on your own?” “Yeah,” I say. “I mean, I don’t want you to feel obligated to babysit me or something.” “I don’t,” Finny says. He glances away from the road to look at me again. “You should go have fun with your friends,” I say. “It’s been a week, and I feel better.” “You do?” “Not all the way better, but yeah, better.” “Good,” Finny says. He drives in silence for a while,
It is good, but I take out large chunks and move paragraphs. I have a new vision, a new structure for the story. I’m ready to write something honest. Soon, the only sound is the clacking of my keyboard, and then that is gone too, and all I can hear are the voices in my head.
This is what i mean by i cant write poems anymore. I need to be sad to do so but i love being happy
He comes into the room and looks around as if he expected something to be there. He crosses the room and looks out the window, and for a moment I think he can see me. Then he turns away and sits down on his bed. He takes out his phone and puts it to his ear. My cell phone rings.
That is amazing.aaaaaaah
It’s a text message from Preppy Dave: Guinevere Angela 3:46 am 7 lbs 2 oz visiting hours tomorrow 1-6 I smile and lay my head back down on my pillow. I imagine Angie tired, happy, and crying.
throw the phone across the room and hear it crash against the wall. It might be broken. I don’t care. I sleep fitfully.
What a dog!
Assuming that I need him for those things.” “Well,” Finny says, “to be fair, you do need a ride.” “No, I don’t,” I say. “I have you.” Finny smiles. “I like how you take it for granted that I’ll drive you” “You will, won’t you?” I say. “Of course I will. That’s not my point.” He’s still smiling. I don’t feel angry anymore.
“Autumn!” Angie cries. She grins and holds out her arms to me but grimaces from the movement. I forget everything for a moment and rush to her. “Sorry I’m late,” I say as I squeeze her.
“Really?” Sasha says.
Stop speaking
“What are you two doing?” Angie says. She winks at me so that Jamie and Sasha cannot see. I feel my cheeks burn, and I look at Finny.
I LOVE YOU ANGIE BAY GIRL
Jamie and Sasha do not hold hands or kiss, but they sit close together.
Cause they know they are in the wrong
Finny turns to me. “You okay?” he says. “Yeah,” I say. “You really want to go see that movie?” he says. “Yeah,” I say, “and we’ll see whatever you want. Thanks for coming.” “No big deal,” he says. Finny grins at me, and I finally realize that I never, never felt this way about Jamie, even at the best of times.
“What if I promise not to read into it? No analysis at all. I swear on my mother’s grave.” “I’m going to tell her you said that.” “Come on, please?” I shrug and roll my eyes. “Maybe.” “Ha.” Finny turns away and looks back at the TV. He holds up his controller and begins pushing buttons. “That means yes.” “It does not!” “Does too.” “Does not!” I punch him in the shoulder and he laughs. “So what do you want to do now?” he says. I shrug again, but I’m smiling. “This,” I say.
“Kinda. I mean, it’s nice that I can still be friends with the rest of them, but—” I shrug again and sigh. “I dunno. How can we still be a group after this? And we’re all going to different schools…” My voice trails off. A minute passes in silence. We pull up to the bright lights of the fast-food restaurant. “Is it that easy for you to drop friends?” Finny says. “No,” I say. I pull my feet inside and lay my cheek on my knee. “I really did think we would be friends forever,” I say.
No but she is right. Once they have accepted thaf behaviour, it is tough to trust them
can’t really imagine Sylvie in an art museum,” I say. Finny glances at me. He frowns at the road. “You know, you wouldn’t think she was so bad if you gave her a chance.” “Who said I thought she was ‘so bad’?” I say. “I just don’t see her as an art museum kinda person.” “From you, that is a bad thing,” he says. “And you don’t really know her,” “Okay. So I don’t really know her,”
Lets not make Sylvie the villain please.
The radio is playing quietly. It would be kinda romantic if we were together.
Babygirls that is not normal thoughts
“Finn, how am I supposed to make a good impression on your friend if you talk about me like that?” “I didn’t say you had to like each other,” he says. What he did say—to me at least—was it bothered him that his two best friends hardly knew each other.
<3
“She’s not even—um—” “Half as pretty as me? Yeah, I know.” Jack laughs out loud. “Well, you’re modest.” “But it’s true.” “Yeah, but you’re not supposed to know that.” “Why?” I say. I sit up and lean forward so my head is between their seats. “Why should I have to pretend that I don’t know I’m pretty when everybody’s telling me all the time?”
but it’s better than him obsessing over you again.” “He—what?” I feel as if Jack had turned around and punched me in the stomach. I swallow even though my mouth is suddenly dry. Finny hadn’t kissed me just because he wanted to see what it was like to kiss a girl; he really had liked me. Even though we are alone, I lower my voice. “Has he said something to you?” “No. He says you guys are just friends. But he said that last time, and it still took him forever to get over you,”
JACK YOU SILLY BILLY!
I wish that this meant something. I wish I could hope that he is lying still and looking at me for the same reason I am, that he is thinking the same things I am.
“What if I don’t want Mom there? Can I just tell her not to come and then she won’t?” “Now, honey, your mom has to come. That is not optional.” “Why? Why are you optional and she’s not?” “You’re saying that you want to move into the dorms without either of your parents there?” Dad says. “No,” I say, “that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that—never mind.”
Baby, she is choosing you over her mother.
“I’m going to break up with Sylvie when she comes home.”
Is she dreaming?
Memory isn’t objective.” “But you and I always remember things the same way.” “But that’s because we always thought the same way back then.
“But you were the one all the guys liked,” he says. “Oh,” I say. “Yeah, it was—weird. Hearing them talk about you like that, I mean.” “Oh,”
“We didn’t leave them,” I say. “They kicked us out.” “That’s not what they say,” Finny says. I look up at him and wish I could see his face better. “They told me that after they joined the cheerleading squad you started talking about how cheerleading in high school was a stereotype and you wanted to be a part of something more meaningful. And you stopped returning their calls.”
“Memory isn’t objective, right?” “I guess so,” I say, and for the first time I’m wondering what else might be different from Finny’s point of view.
Ouch
“Your mom says the insurance is really expensive.” “Yeah,” he says, “but I like it.” “It is a cute car,” I say. “Don’t call my car ‘cute,’” he says. I giggle. “Finny has a cute car. It’s so cute.” “Shut up,” he says, “or I’ll stop driving you everywhere.” “Will not.” “Will too.” “You’d miss me.” “Not if you keep calling my car cute.” I laugh again.
“It’s okay,” he says. “I’ve got you.”
The most attractive thing that can be said
“She’s not who I want to be with,” he says “She’s not—that’s all.”
She is not you
“Do you love him?” I shake my head. “I’m not in love with him.” We are quiet again, and I think what a relief it is, how strange it is, to say that I am not in love with Jamie. “Why are you smiling?” Finny says to me. “I don’t love Jamie,” I say, and I laugh because it sounds so funny to say. “I’m glad that you’re happy,” Finny says. “I am,” I say. “Actually, I’ve been really happy.” Finny’s eyes soften, and we’re looking at each other.
“That your parents let you sleep together.” “Not like that!” I say. “I told you, it’s never been like that with us.” “Hey,” Finny says. I look
No. You have just ruoned it all
I want him to break up with Sylvie. I don’t want to watch him fall for another girl. I want him to be in love with me. Like a movie montage I can’t stop, scenes from the summer fly through my mind, moments when I thought, maybe, just maybe— “Stop it, stop it, stop it,” I say. I squeeze my eyes tightly. “It’s not real,”
It could be so real but she puts a barrier like a real human does and i love that. I love tht she doesn't put herswlf out there ljke most book characters
“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” he says. He hasn’t let me go. I sniffle. “It’s like they’re dead,” I say. “Like who is dead?” “Izzy and Aden,” I say. “My main characters.” I feel the tears building up again.
What a lovely foreshadowing for the damage that is to be caused in a few chapters.
I close my eyes and breathe deeply. I thought I would feel jittery and want to bite my nails, but all I want to do is sleep; the act of giving it to him has exhausted me. I sleep deeply, and I dream.
Is this how Aish feela?
“I already know why you did it,” he says. “I just want to know why you had to be so cruel about it.” My breath comes quicker.
Ouch
“What if I kissed you right now?” he says. I can’t answer him at first; everything inside me has gone still. I tell myself to take a breath. “That would make me happy,”
No. That is cheating. Please do not
“Autumn,” he says. “No—” “Please, Finny,” I say.
No. Please do not force him into this
“Can I tell you that I love you first?” Finny says. I begin to fall slowly, slowly down. “Yes,”
