A Risk on Forever

by N.S. Perkins

À mes parents, qui m’ont donné tout et encore plus.

“Oh, of course, sorry. I’m Adelaide Samson. My friends usually call me Addy, though.” I flashed a quick smile that probably looked as awkward as I felt. “I’m Matthias Philips, and this is my mother, Helen. Thank you for coming here today.”

But, God, the second I’d told her she could leave, I felt a pinch to the heart. She was beautiful. The kind of gorgeous woman that could make your jaw drop while dressed in a stained shirt and an old pair of leggings.

When I’d opened the door, words had escaped me. Her skin had looked so soft, I’d had the weird urge to touch it. It was speckled with freckles, over her nose, her cheeks, and even over her chin. Her lips were plump, the bottom one slightly bigger than the other, and when she licked it in nervousness, I felt it straight to my groin.

Catching her large hazel eyes roaming over me definitely was good for my ego. Her cheeks were flushed when our eyes met. Maybe s...

“Because she’s the only person we saw today who spoke to me like a fellow adult. Who treated me like a whole person, and not just some patient they should pity.”

“Diane and Monique, who you seem to be so fond of, all but screamed in my ears and spoke syllable by syllable, as if I were a child. So, yes, Adelaide is exactly the person I want to take care of me.”

I looked down to see his hand still gripping my wrist. When he caught my eyes’ movement, he promptly removed it and turned to leave. I rubbed the spot he touched and huffed in frustration, fighting the urge to go scrub it in the sink.

“I think my mom is trying to set us up.” I turned to the side to look at him. He wasn’t exactly smiling, but there was a certain glint in his dark eyes that told me he found the situation funny.

“You know, you’re actually not so bad when you’re not being an ass!” He smirked, just a little. “Yeah, I’ll try to keep the enormous dick away in your presence.”

I still wasn’t sure why I’d told Matthias so much yesterday. I hadn’t talked about my mom that much after her death, even to Stella, who was like a sister to me. After keeping my feelings about her death away from discussions with my family, I’d gotten used to pushing those feelings down, only inspecting them further when I was alone.

I might not have shared as much with Matthias if he hadn’t looked so enthralled and impacted by my words. When I was speaking, it felt as if he understood what I was saying in a way no one else ever had.

I wasn’t sure what that meant. Two days ago, I was convinced the guy was a spoiled, unpleasant man with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, but there was no denying we were on the same wavelength last night. And, he’d made me laugh. A lot. I could try denying it as m...

Thoughts of his small grins and deep voice clouded my senses, though I did my best to push them away and focus on what mattered—Helen.

“I think you might actually like him very much once you get to know him.” Her voice was much too confident for my taste. I snickered, giving her teasing eyes. “I’ll have to argue with you on that.” “Careful there,” she answered, her own eyes gleaming in amusement. “Wouldn’t want to say things and look like a fool when the opposite happens.”

It wasn’t hard to understand who she wanted this special someone to be. I didn’t know how she’d gotten the idea of Matthias and I ever being something, but apparently, once she had her mind set on something, she wasn’t letting go.

When I got back to the apartment, I did the first thing I always did: put some music on. I wanted to pump myself up for work, so I played Taylor Swift’s 1989 album. Never failed to put me in a good mood.

Facts

Then, he smiled softly, all pink lips and warm eyes, and the wall was sledgehammered once more. For good, I hoped.

“Let’s say I like to fill my life with beauty, and there’s nothing more beautiful than good music.”

Maybe he hadn’t told me all about him, but it was a start. And I had to admit, something about his personality was growing on me. A breath of fresh air compared to the stuffiness at home. I… I liked it.

Being able to read people without needing them to tell you what’s wrong is the greatest of gifts.

“Wow, lucky you. I’ve always dreamed of visiting the City of Love.” “Hopeless romantic?” I asked, putting an arm under my head. “More like hopeless adventure-seeker.”

I’d called to do a simple check up on my mom, yet we’d ended up speaking on the phone for over twenty minutes. I wasn’t sure how to explain why I’d stayed on the line with her this long, other than the fact that she’d made me smile more in this short period of time than I had all day.

After closing the bedside lamp, I tried to fall asleep, but I couldn’t. Instead, I kept replaying our conversation in my head, and somehow found myself wishing it could have lasted just a little longer.

seeing you with your lover in Paris, walking hand in hand in Montmartre and stopping for a café au lait and a pain au chocolat, a smile on your lips and hearts in your eyes.

I hope with all my heart you get to experience it one day, even if I’m not there to witness it. And, even if I won’t be able to see it in person, I can imagine it so clearly now. It will have to do.

I wasn’t sure if I’d imagined it, but some of the tension in his shoulders had seemed to have dissipated. Weird.

“I think you would make an amazing special needs teacher,” he said after a moment. I jerked my head up to find a genuine grin on his lips, and a lump started to grow in my throat. That was it. One simple sentence. Ten tiny words. And suddenly it didn’t feel so foolish. Suddenly, it felt like if my life had been different, maybe I would’ve been plenty qualified.

“Guess I’ll need to make a bigger effort to get to know you, then,” he said casually.

I lifted my head slowly from my bag, feeling his gaze searing through me. When our eyes met, a shot of electricity coursed through my belly. His chest rose and fell, and his eyes lit with an emotion I wasn’t able to pinpoint. Were his cheeks red?

Telling her I had to get to know her… What a stupid and borderline creepy thing to say. And the worst part was, despite the fact that the words had come out by themselves, I realized now that I’d meant every single one of them.

There was something about Adelaide that intrigued me. And it wasn’t because she was mysterious; she wasn’t. She wore her heart on her sleeve. I’d realized in the past two weeks that even when words failed her, her face and body language always revealed exactly what was on her mind.

Maybe that’s what I found intriguing, though. Someone who could share whatever they were feeling, whether it be good or bad. I had no idea how someone could be so hon...

Matthias hadn’t said anything improper when he’d alluded to wanting to get to know me better. His words hadn’t even been hinting at something more. Still, my mind had clung to them and analyzed every single one of their possible meanings, leaving me utterly confused.

Because even if I hadn’t thought about it before, the way I’d felt in his kitchen made me think I might have wanted there to be meaning behind his words. I wanted him to truly want to get to know me. There was no denying the rise of my pulse or the chills running down my arms when I’d been under his gaze, listening to those words. Even if I wanted to lie to myself, my body didn’t work that way.

No way was I going to try to get close to a man who was responsible for my family’s financial stability. So why in the world hadn’t my conflicting thoughts disappeared as soon as I’d left his house?

He might have been a shy man with no particular information to disclose, but somehow, I doubted it. No one without any history of heartbreak would be sealed so tight.

He was a puzzle, and it wasn’t my place to learn how to assemble it.

So here goes the first Helen Advice: Always say what’s on your mind.

Show your emotions. Cry when you’re sad, laugh when you’re happy, scream when you’re mad, and kiss when you’re in love. You have every right to feel whatever it is you’re feeling, and expressing it can only help to show who you are as a person.

kick them out of your life. They’re not worth it. You deserve to be with people who want to know your truth and to see your heart above all else.

And that’s when it hit me. I was expecting to feel hair that was curly and dark, not smooth and red.

Yes, I’d always found Addy attractive—okay, really fucking hot—but I hadn’t realized I’d started to want her in this way.

Addy was off-limits. Now the only thing I had to do was make sure my mind understood it.

I realized then that Matthias’ eyes were as watery as mine. In a second, his hand was in mine, and I squeezed it tightly in return. I knew I should pull away, but for an instant, I let myself bask in the feeling of truly sharing a moment, a feeling, with someone. It should have felt wrong, to hold my boss’ hand, but it couldn’t; not when we were sharing something only the two of us could understand.

And, in his eyes, I could see he was. He wasn’t saying it to make me feel better. In some way, it was as if he shared my pain in this instant. And I’d rarely felt anything so beautiful.

Staying here with Matthias was a bad idea. A real bad idea.

All through my adult life, I often felt like a little kid, wanting to run into the ocean and dive as if I were a dolphin, or make sandcastles, only for them to be washed away by the tide and start again the next day. Now, for a thirty-year-old lady to do that, it might have seemed weird. But for a mother, it didn’t.

It struck me as soon as she answered just how magnificent she looked, from the subtle freckles dotting her skin to her wide eyes and long lashes. I’d noticed before—more times than I could count, really— how pretty she was, but this was the first time I’d felt it so vividly.

“Well, if it helps, those kids are probably bald and wrinkled right now, and they wish they could have your tall build and golden skin and charcoal hair.”

OOPE