More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Brené Brown
Read between
February 4 - May 1, 2024
people are harder to hate close up, and easier to hate when we’re behind our ideological bunker and they’re behind theirs.
What’s really fascinating is that hate is actually fueled by our need for connection. I call this common enemy intimacy. I may not know anything about you, but we hate the same people and that creates a counterfeit bond and a sense of belonging.
I define narcissism as the shame-based fear of being ordinary.
“Near enemies are states that appear similar to the desired quality but actually undermine it. Far enemies are the opposite of what we are trying to achieve.
I define spirituality as the deeply held belief that we are inextricably connected to each other by something greater than ourselves. I have friends who are atheists who every day practice inextricable connection—they hurt when others hurt and they know that none of us are free until all of us are free. I have friends who talk endlessly about their religion and wear scripture on their T-shirts, yet demonstrate no connection to anyone’s suffering but their own and maybe that of the people in their immediate circle. I make this point because we’re not talking about religion here. We’re talking
...more
It’s the near enemies of connection—the imposters that can look and feel like cultivating closeness—that sabotage relationships and leave us feeling alone and in pain. And because they’re so stealthy, we often internalize the pain and think that something is wrong with us. Near enemies can feel like manipulation and even gaslighting. Of course the far enemies destroy connection too—but you see them coming.
it’s not fear that gets in the way of courage, it’s armor—how we self-protect when we feel uncertain or fearful.
Our armoring behaviors keep us from showing up in ways that are aligned with our values.
As we learn to recognize and remove our armor, we replace it with...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
three properties: the abilities to rumble with vulnerability, stay curious, a...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
Developing grounded confidence is driven by a commitment to learning and improving. Its near enemy is knowing and proving.
A fragile self-worth drives us to self-protect at all costs.
Being frightened means that you live in a body that is always on guard.
When we are disembodied or disconnected from our own feelings and sensations, it’s easy to become habituated to practices that we don’t believe in or value.”
The near enemy of walking alongside is controlling the path. Sometimes it can look and feel like someone is with us, but really they’re trying to control either us or the outcome.
Reverend King defined power as the ability to achieve purpose and effect change.
I no longer believe that we can recognize emotion in other people, regardless of how well we understand human emotion and experience or how much language we have.
Story stewardship means honoring the sacred nature of story—the ones we share and the ones we hear—and knowing that we’ve been entrusted with something valuable or that we have something valuable that we should treat with respect and care.
Like empathy, story stewardship is not walking in someone else’s shoes, it’s being curious and building narrative trust as they tell you about the experience of being in their own shoes.
Don’t look away. Don’t look down. Don’t pretend not to see hurt. Look people in the eye. Even when their pain is overwhelming. And when you’re hurting and in pain, find the people who can look you in the eye.
We need to know we’re not alone—especially when we’re hurting.
Why do we cause each other so much pain, and why do we turn away from hurt when the only way to the other side of struggle is through it?
emotions and experiences are layers of biology, biography, behavior, and backstory.
Our connection with others can only be as deep as our connection with ourselves.
