He Who Fights with Monsters 4 (He Who Fights with Monsters, #4)

by Shirtaloon

“Mr Asano, you just died attempting to have a knife fight with an entity so powerful that it was forced to use a proxy so as to not annihilate the universe by simple virtue of arriving in it.” “Oh, come on, Shade. It was one time.” “Mr Asano, as I do not possess eyebrows, I shall require you to imagine me with a pair in order that I might give you a flat look from beneath them.”

Ari stepped right into Jason’s personal space, looking down at the shorter man. “You don’t scare me, Jason Asano.” Jason gave Ari a slight smile. “Would you like me to?” Ari took a step back and laughed, the tense atmosphere breaking.

“What’s that?” Jason asked. “I couldn’t hear you over the sound of how awesome this is.” “Mr Asano, I’m not physically capable of giving a weary sigh, but if I were, I would be doing so quite pointedly in response.”

“You going to appoint yourself magical sheriff?” “No. But if the local vampires are more murdery than you’ve implied, I’m not going to stand by either.” “You can’t fight every vampire in Sydney, Mr Asano.” Vermillion caught something flinty in Jason’s eyes and his aura that sent a chill down the vampire’s spine. “You’d be surprised at what I can fight, Mr Vermillion.”

“A weapon you are not equipped to wield is at least as much a danger to you as to your enemy,” Vermillion said. “I don’t know where this man came from, but he’s a naked edge, fresh from battle. A well-sharpened edge, at that. He went through the bikers like a chainsaw through pudding. Thirty blood servants and I don’t think he even saw them as a threat. It’s almost like he was testing out different ways to kill them, to see which ones worked. As it turns out, all of them did.”

I’m simply of the opinion that Jason Asano will make a good friend and a very bad enemy.”

“I’m not threatening anyone,” Jason said cheerfully. “Susan’s great, by the way; you did well there. I merely wanted to make it clear that while I don’t have the resources or personnel to protect my family from an organisation like yours, anyone who tries to use them as leverage will start a wave of reprisals that stains Sydney Harbour red with blood.”

“Don’t drink anything from the bar,” Jason warned him. “It’s magic-infused alcohol. It’ll probably kill you.” “Even your booze is magic?” Taika asked. “That’s hardcore.”

Moments later, Jason was looking at a wide-eyed man in one of the men’s toilets at the Greater Casselton Regional Hospital in Castle Reach. “What?” Jason asked him as the portal sank into the floor and Hiro rushed into one of the stalls. “You’ve never seen two grown men emerge from a magic portal before?”

“You really aren’t worried about the power disparity, are you?” she asked. “Most cat twos get real nervous this close to a three.” “You wouldn’t be the first category three that I’ve killed.” “I’m a healer, you know. I can counteract a lot of the powers you use.” Jason took on the grin of a cat who had just spotted a mouse with a pronounced limp. “So did the first silver-ranker I killed,” he said. “He died screaming his lost faith to the sky. The archbishop wasn’t much of a martyr in the end.”

“The realm of the All-Devouring Eye?” Emi asked. “I’m pretty sure it’s in the South Pacific,” Jason said. “Uncle Jason, why do you tell such obvious lies?” “So it’s harder to notice the subtle ones,” Jason said. “Tell the truth as much as you can, and if you have to lie, make it obvious. That makes it easier to slip the important lies past people.”

“Is this really the time for jokes, husband? Jason, pass the sliced limes.” “Sweetie,” Ian said, “Jason came back from the dead and is apparently an indestructible wizard now. Once your brother turns into Gandalf the White, I think we’re in uncharted territory, decorum-wise.”

“It seems pretty unrealistic,” Jason said. “And that’s coming from an interdimensional warlock ninja who came back from the dead. Twice.”

Jason parked and made his way to administration to register himself. “I thought Mrs Asano’s other brother died,” the elderly receptionist said. “Well, we all thought you died in 2006, Mrs Wilkins, yet here we both are.” “Oh, now I recognise you. The one with the mouth. You know, we remember your brother and sister very fondly.” “Story of my life, Mrs Wilkins.”

“You seem very relaxed for someone about to fight what sounds suspiciously like a kaiju.” “I’m a man’s man,” Jason said. “The only thing I fear is a frank discussion about my feelings.”

When Jason returned to Kylie, he found her huddled against a tree, wide-eyed and shaking with fear. “It’s fine,” he told her. “The monster’s gone.” He moved forward to help her to her feet, but she scuttled away like a scared insect. “Oh,” he said, realisation dawning. “It’s not the monster you’re afraid of.”

“Uncle Jason,” Emi said, “is it fun being a superhero? I bet it’s lots of fun.” “I’m not a superhero, Moppet.” “You use the special powers you got in an alternate reality to protect people from danger while wearing an elaborate costume that hides your identity,” Emi said. “She’s got you there,” Ian said. “You even have a superhero name. You know they’re still trying to figure out who the Starlight Rider is.” “That’s not a good hero name,” Jason complained. “It sounds like a B-story hero that got cancelled in the seventies once the publisher realised it was a gay allegory.”

“This is Colin,” Jason said. “He needs a moment to gather himself together. When a super god was trying to possess me, he’s the one who had my back. He’s been with me from almost the very start and he has two purposes in life: adorable little dances and devouring every living thing on a planet.”