He Who Fights with Monsters 4 (He Who Fights with Monsters, #4)

by Shirtaloon

“Oh, come on, Shade. It was one time.” “Mr Asano, as I do not possess eyebrows, I shall require you to imagine me with a pair in order that I might give you a flat look from beneath them.”

“I thought you might have warned him to run,” Growl said. “I did,” Taika said. “He responded with a casual lack of concern suggesting that one of you is about to be very surprised.”

“I couldn’t hear you over the sound of how awesome this is.” “Mr Asano, I’m not physically capable of giving a weary sigh, but if I were, I would be doing so quite pointedly in response.”

She looked down at his t-shirt, emblazoned with the text I WENT TO A MAGICAL ALTERNATE UNIVERSE AND ALL I GOT WAS VAST COSMIC POWER.

“How do you always know what to say?” “Well, you’re smarter than me, so I just wait for you to get tired and then be as supportive as possible.”

Your friend Gary is really furry. Does he give good hugs?” “Oh, they’re amazing,” Jason said. “It’s like being wrapped in a blanket made of friendship. But not as weird and creepy as I make it sound.”

“You seem very relaxed for someone about to fight what sounds suspiciously like a kaiju.” “I’m a man’s man,” Jason said. “The only thing I fear is a frank discussion about my feelings.”

“What the hell is that? Is that a lion-man?” “It looks like Ron Perlman from Beauty and the Beast,” Amy’s voice came after. “From the movie? That can’t have been Ron Perlman.” “Not the movie, Kai. The TV show. The old one, not the new one.” “There’s more than one?”

“You can teleport a dessert to Sri Lanka?” “I have the power. Like He-Man, but with desserts instead of startling homo-eroticism.”

“You even have a superhero name. You know they’re still trying to figure out who the Starlight Rider is.” “That’s not a good hero name,” Jason complained. “It sounds like a B-story hero that got cancelled in the seventies once the publisher realised it was a gay allegory.”

“If you have all my books,” she said, “did you look at the one bound in black leather with a rose embossed on the cover?” “I glanced at it,” Jason said. “I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I mean, it felt wrong to throw it away, but I wasn’t going to read your porn book.” “It’s not porn. It’s sex magic.” “I can’t tell if that’s better or worse.”

“Come, on, Greg. If all your friends are cool, what does that say about you?” “That they need a designated driver.”

Farrah put an exasperated hand over her eyes. “They picked the wrong guy to save the world,” she grumbled.