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Most of the time, my dreams were the worst moments of my past. But rarely—very rarely—they instead brought me shards of connection.
“It was only a dream.” My face snapped back towards him, anger flaring. How dare he say those words. “No,” I hissed. “It was real for so many days.”
He was telling me that he was going to leave my lover in prison, and was forbidding me from getting him out myself because he thought I—I, who had sacrificed everything, sacrificed far too much—was a gods-damned liability.
“He would have died before he let you remain in that place. And now you are giving up on him, too? You’re his brother.” Sammerin looked as if I had struck him. “Never, Tisaanah. Never.”
In that moment, I hated—truly hated—every single one of them.
Leave them. There is nothing they cant do without you. They are using U!
Didn’t he see that I could never be that person again? That I couldn’t reclaim her, even if I tried? Why would he shove my face into everything I couldn’t be, like a boot grinding my cheek into the mud?
I could kill him and throw myself from the tallest tower of the castle, shatter my fragile, lonely, useless body upon the mountain stones.
Do it!
A guard stood there, looking panicked.
Haha poor guy
She was one more person who had abandoned me.
NO SHE DIDNT!!!
I didn’t know how I had called my magic to me. Didn’t care at this point.
Brayan’s gaze snapped up, hard and cold. “Why,” he hissed, “is my brother imprisoned in fucking Ilyzath?”
“No, of course not, Max. None of this feels right. Thousands of Arans have died since this war began, Max. Thousands. And the damned Fey king hasn’t even shown his face here yet. He hasn’t even exhausted a fraction of what he’s capable of. You think I don’t feel the weight of that?”
“That’s rich, considering that you’re the reason why I got this way.”
“I won’t defend what I’ve done to you, Max. I’m not ashamed of it, but I won’t defend it. Yes, perhaps I’m the reason why you were sentenced to Ilyzath. But whatever happened to the inside of your mind? That part had nothing to do with me.”
“He told me that we were the only ones to survive. He told me that the humans killed you.” I wish they had. Death was like a lost lover. We circled each other. I craved more with every brush of its touch. All I wanted was for it to take me to its bed and never let me leave.
His words echoed: You only know what it is to be used. The gaping wound the humans left within me throbbed. A part of me loved them. A part of me mourned them. And a part of me hated them, for using me, for abandoning me.
“I know where she is. Tisaanah. Sometimes I… I dream it. I feel her.” A wrinkle formed between his brows. I imagined judgement in it. “I don’t know how else to describe it,” I said, somewhat helplessly. “I understand perfectly what you mean.” He started towards me, and I closed the gap between us. His fingers lifted to my temple. I felt a strange tug, as if he was reaching through me to the threads that connected me to deeper layers of my magic—the layer that I shared with them. He withdrew his hand. I tried to understand his expression and failed. “Thank you,” he said, after a long silence. I
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Nooooo
Whatever wound was being ripped into the deep layers of this world tore wider.
It was the beginning of an end, brought upon by mortal hubris. Hands reaching into forces that should not be wielded, and thinning boundaries that should not be torn.
ashen son?
But I ask for two conditions. You must bring a piece of me with you, and you must return when I call.
But the vengeance? The vengeance is for you.”
How can he have the vengance when its hers to take????
“This cannot be a request, Aefe,” he said, gently. “Not this time. I tried to find every other option.”
“Imagine what this war would be if either side came into possession of such power.
Three sides. Not two. And neither should use it.
Perhaps it would be better if we destroyed it, even. But we certainly need to keep it from them.”
“You understand this,” Caduan said, firmly. “This house is yours, Sareid. Yours. You let your husband take your crown. Now you let him destroy your House. Stop him. I know you can.”
“Please, Sareid. Act. You failed your daughter in her lifetime. Don’t fail her now. Act, if not for her, then for the countless lives that will be lost if your husband’s command is executed. But do it for her. She should be enough. She should have been enough.”
And then, seconds later, she collapsed—as my father buried his sword through her delicate form in his final burst of strength.
“I tried to save her,” Caduan murmured. His voice felt too real, too close, compared to the memory.
Ich will ihm glauben. Aber iwie kann ich nicht . Mit seinen Kräften kann er ihr jede Illusion zeigen. Jede lüge .
You would have been an incredible leader, Aefe.”
Not from what ive seen
“I could build a new world for us. One free of the humans and their influence. A place where no one can be victimized by them ever again.”
No thank you.
If I would like some. I would murder someone for tea.
No, there is something else missing here. But you don’t want to open that door.
How had I not seen it? I was full of it, teeming with it, this magic that I could manipulate just as I had once manipulated others’. I was made of it.
We’re going north.”
Yesss
But it was the face that paralyzed me as the thing staggered, turning back towards me. It had once been a face, at least. I could make out the shape of a humanoid skull, a brow bone, streaks of long dirty red hair, and—were those pointed ears? But the eyes were nothing but pits of torn flesh, crackling with the same light as the wound down its abdomen. And the entire lower part of its face, mouth and jaw, were missing, as if hacked away and discarded.
But I was injured. When I tried to get back to my feet, I stumbled, and the world tilted. Blurred. A garden. A stone house. A single green eye. Get up. I did, somehow.
“War criminal Maxantarius Farlione has been apprehended in Saroksa.” Apprehended. He was out of Ilyzath? How?
“It will have to be enough. Obviously, we are going to go after him. Trap or no trap.” Gods, I could have kissed him.
At least half of them skilled in magic use. That number is a mere fraction of the Threllian soldiers who have assisted you against Ara.”
“I promised that I would bring your enemies to their knees, and I intend to uphold that vow.”
If you cannot uphold your end of our alliance, I cannot promise that we can uphold ours.”
Through the crimson, I could see only his hatred and nothing else. I could not move. I was helpless as horrific pain speared through me, the blade slowly, so slowly, sliding through my abdomen. I cried out. The man did not release me. I could not move. Suddenly I was Reshaye again,
I tried to scream, but air evaded me. I tried to lash out, but all my limbs were pinned. Who were you to think that you could do this? To think that you were something? You have always been nothing. What good is a heartbeat, anyway? They would hurt me, they would kill me, and I would be helpless and I was helpless and I was nothing and nothing and—
Someone touched me and I let out a weak attempt at a scream,
“It’s me, Aefe,” Caduan murmured, his forehead against mine. “Keep breathing.” Fear. I heard fear in that voice. “You are safe,” he whispered. I thought, You can not lie to me. I realized I was sobbing. I realized I couldn’t breathe.
Keep breathing, Aefe.”
I wanted to fold my arms around her, bury my face in her hair, hold it in my lungs like smoke from fine tobacco. This stranger. Instead I settled for that single hand laid gently between her shoulder blades.
For a split second, the woman’s face just collapsed—first in shock, and then in devastation.
I closed the distance again without thinking. “You are not asking me that,” she choked out.
