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“So your memory is coming back.” “Maybe.”
“You are familiar with the war,” Ishqa said. “Of course,” I said. “I spent enough time on Nura’s table because of it.” A wince flitted across Tisaanah’s face, and she turned away again, as if she couldn’t stand to look at me. That made my chest ache for reasons I didn’t understand.
I looked at Max and saw the love of my life, but the person who traveled with me now was a stranger. He was close enough to touch and yet farther away than he had ever been.
I wanted him so much I couldn’t breathe whenever I looked at him. I wanted to bridge that gap between us. I wanted him back. And yet, with each passing day, another thought crept into the back of my mind—one that hurt even more.
“You were in the Roseteeth Company?” “A long time ago. Perhaps a decade.” Brayan said it with the tone of one humbly downplaying an obvious accomplishment. He didn’t realize that Tisaanah wasn’t exactly fawning over his accomplishments. “Where did you fight?” she asked. “Essaria, mostly. Why? Do you know someone who fought with them?” “No. They just helped conquer my country.”
They’re legend, and we live in legends. The Lejaras, the three pools. One that embodies change, one that embodies life, and one that embodies death.”
I didn’t expect this to be so easy. It was like burning up and loving every fucking second of it. I felt her everywhere. Her heartbeat matching mine.
I needed it, how much strength came from the act of sharing weakness. I was so tired of being strong.
I didn’t want him to hold himself back. Self-control made a soul tired. I was sick of it.
It was a kiss that gave, and took, a thousand unspoken words. Slow—not frantic and messy, but languishing, desperate. My lips parted for him immediately and his tongue slipped against mine, exploring my mouth with deliberate, thorough care. Everything he had been resisting snapped, and he pulled me so close that I thought he might crush me, and I would welcome it. I put my arms around his neck, clung to him, pulled myself closer with every kiss.
“Stories are always useful. Life is more than a series of acts of violence.
I should have helped you find him. I know how much how much you loved him. I should have known thats a thing you don’t let go of, ever tell filias I love him if you see him If you dont then I suppose i will wherever I go thank you for the wild ride. serel.
I could have pulled away easily and kept walking. She was weak. Instead I found myself kneeling down beside her. I watched her with fascination. The muscles in her face twitched. Her breaths were long and rattling.
Someone shouted. The humans knelt. And then, before I had time to react to what I was seeing, the Threllians and the Fey walked up and down the lines of rebels, executing them. The bodies flopped into the dirt one by one like discarded rag dolls.
The executions lasted late into the night. There were many humans to kill.
We piled bodies over bodies.
With that decision, we became animals to them. Pests to be eliminated.”
AND NOW YOU ARE DOING THE SAME
Full lives destroyed as if they were worth nothing. Wasteful.”
“Humans don’t care. They are willing to destroy and discard with abandon. And here, I helped them do it.
Dieser Typ braucht dringend einen Spiegel
it reminded me too much of things I would rather forget.”
“Malakahn fell. Nothing remains.” Everything went numb.
a clean slate. Isn’t that kinder than remembering all the things he spent decades trying to forget?” Tears stung my eyes. “Don’t accuse me of not loving him.”
I asked for one word, and she gave it to me. “Go,” she said, softly.
But you are only one half of a whole. You cannot fly with only one wing. A giggle. Or, maybe you can! You want to try, anyway?
I longed to be reunited with them.
You don’t want to go here. Yes I do, I said, and threw it open.
You do not wish to hurt these people.
How easily she betrayed you. The blood of thousands on your hands. So easy. A single moment and so much changes.
You do not know it yet, but your whole life has now changed. And changed again, with every secret you tell her. And changed again, with every day that you fall a bit more in love with her.
A realization came to me, one that I had been grappling with for the last ten years. There was no single moment when everything changed. No single before and after. There was just… life. A million decisions and a million consequences.
“Do you think your regret is equal to my suffering?” “No.” “Then what good is your regret to me?” Now, I understood this expression—sadness. “None,” he said. “My regret is worthless.”
He didn’t even fight back at first, still gaping at this thing that used to be his sister.
I turned away from death. I grasped power.
We watch him, one by one, slaughter his family. We end in the cottage in the woods, over the burning body of a twelve-year-old girl. We end with Max on his hands and knees, weeping. Max clutches my hand and does not let go.
We were a river stretching out in all directions. We were the bodies and breaths of the soldiers above. We were the sky and the ruins and the city of Niraja in the past and the present. We were ourselves as we were ten years ago, lost, alone, and as we were now—found, together.
“Come back to me soon,” he said, quietly. I was almost grateful that I had no time to think about all the shades in his voice.
“She was doing things that no one should be able to do.” “She?” Tisaanah said. “Reshaye,” Sammerin murmured. The thought made me sick.
I understood better than ever exactly how bad it was that thing not only still existed, but existed in its own body.
“This is disgusting.” “What?” He gave me a deadpan stare. “Wait until I’m out of the room before you rip each other’s clothes off.”
My flames mingled with her cool, smooth light, tickling both of our hands but never burning.
This wasn’t sweet, slow lovemaking. Wasn’t a languid reunion. This was frantic, desperate, feral.
what they created was more than just a pile of stones. It was the difference between a house and a home. If the building burns down, something is still there that makes it home. If the memories are gone, something is still there that makes it love.
If you ever have to guess what I want, or what is best for me, it is you. Alright?
It is always you.”
too much talking. Not enough fucking.”
“So if this magic gives us the power to… change life… what does that mean, exactly?” I said. “Could we stroll over to Caduan’s army and change them all into frogs?” “And why stone?”
“Evolution,”
“The Roseteeth are not mercenaries, they’re—”
What? Let him tell it!
“It is just… sometimes, I understand him,” Ishqa said, shaking his head. “Caduan. I despise what he is doing in the name of his vengeance. I despise what he is doing to the world, to all of us. But I understand him.
We all feel the same things, and we will still die trying to kill each other for it.”
