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I felt foolish for not realizing this sooner. First, I thought my body was a prison. Then I realized that it could be a tool. And now I realized that it could allow me to experience things—useless, wonderful things—that I had long ago forgotten.
My time as Reshaye felt like a whole other life, just as my time as Aefe before that did. I answered to both names now, but neither of them felt like me.
“I felt for the first time that I had a choice in what I wanted to be. Centuries of violence, and just one act of sacrifice. One act of generosity.” I gave him a weak smile. “That and… I wanted to rest. I was ready to rest.”
I didn’t know what was happening to me. I didn’t know what I wanted, except that it was everything—faster, slower, deeper, gentler, harder, I didn’t know, I only knew that I was coming undone and I wanted more of him everywhere.
“I—This—” He ran his fingers through his hair. “This isn’t—” He glanced at me and snapped his jaw shut, then turned away. “I shouldn’t have—I should go. Goodnight, Aefe.”
A flicker of—fuck, was that hurt?—crossed Brayan’s face. His jaw tightened. “You don’t want to know what happened?”
Fuck, I absolutely could not listen to this. “STOP.” “I can’t,” he ground out. “I can’t stop. This is what I’m telling you. I imagine them in infinite horrors. It never stops. You don’t feel that way?”
This arm band didn’t say, Here I am. Come rescue me. It said, Here I am. Bring me an army.
“Again,”
“Again.”
My self-control gave out. I screamed. “Stop, stop, stop—”
“I think we’ve seen enough. She’s sufficiently clipped.” Six neat squares of skin now seeped on the tile before me.
Gods, the things that I do.
“Then we destroy Threll,”
“We are done being cowards.”
But it wasn’t Max. It was the King of the Fey.
This was not a battle. It was a systemic slaughter.
I turned. A Fey woman stood in the entrance to the room. She was tall and slender, bloody strands of dark-red hair hanging around a gaunt face. She had the most entrancing eyes, large and downturned, and a striking color of rusty violet. I had never seen this face before… and yet, I knew this person. Suddenly I was very, very afraid. “It’s you,” I whispered. “Reshaye.”
She looked like home.
Those three words made me stop short. I saw you.
Tisaanah was smaller than I,
