How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

by Katy Milkman

Happily, it’s easy to turn yourself into a deliberate copy-and-paster. The next time you’re falling short of a goal, look to high-achieving peers for answers.

You’re likely to go further faster if you find the person who’s already achieving what you want to achieve and copy and paste their tactics than if you simply let social forces influence you through osmosis.

we’re particularly eager to emulate people whose circumstances resemble our own, even in superficial ways.

the closer we are to someone and the more their situation resembles our own, the more likely we are to be influenced by their behavior, even if the behavior is merely described rather than directly observed.

They also speak to the power of using norms as a tool of influence. Describing what’s typical can be an effective way to help large groups change their behaviors for the better.

social pressure can be used to persuade us to do seriously immoral things, which should rightfully give you pause. It’s important to beware of social pressure’s potentially coercive power.

“everyone else is doing it” isn’t a good excuse for bad behavior.

before jumping on any bandwagon to do something that feels at all uncomfortable, imprudent, or unethical, I encourage slowing down, dodging in-person interactions with whoever’s applying pressure, and talking with a devil’s advocate (or in this case, an angel’s advocate) to improve decisions.

the students in squadrons of high and low performers had segregated themselves. With no middle performers to build a social bridge between cadets at the extremes, the squadrons became polarized, and struggling students suffered. Scott had unwittingly demonstrated a serious weakness in what many viewed as a tried and true influence tactic.

the stronger the social norm we conveyed, the worse things got.

For social influence to work, there can’t be too stark a difference between overachievers and those in need of a boost.

If you’re hoping to become a faster swimmer, don’t start practicing next to Olympic gold medalist Katie Ledecky. Even if you thought to copy and paste her routines, you might sense, correctly, that the limits of your natural talent would interfere with the benefits of having insight into her training regimen.

describing others’ accomplishments is an effective motivator only when their achievements feel like something we can emulate fairly quickly.

Some goals require a simple change, but many are more complicated and take a major, extended commitment.

Social influence tactics can add far more value when the focus is on concrete, immediately achievable goals, such as voting or spending fewer hours on social media rather than more long-term or abstract goals, like saving more for retirement.

Breaking down big goals can help bridge the gap between what sounds doable and what sounds impossibly out of reach, potentially preventing social influence tactics from backfiring.

encouraging small, concrete changes can make a big difference in the long run, as repeated social norms messaging has been proven to change behavior not once, twice, or three times, but for years and years on end.

crooners

turning social accountability into a commitment device.

if you want to use accountability as an overt tool to spur others toward their goals, you should keep in mind the anger that such tactics can create. Threatening to expose someone to the scrutiny of others may quickly make you an enemy, for good reason.

Most of us want to look like good, hardworking, successful people to our friends, neighbors, and colleagues. So when our actions are visible, there’s a strong pull to do the “right” thing and a strong deterrent from making the “wrong” choice, which stands to tarnish our good reputations. To successfully harness those instincts without creating blowback, it’s best to allow people the chance to earn praise or opt out.

adulation

If you channel the power of social forces correctly, you can boost capacity and self-confidence and achieve more while showing colleagues and friends how to do the same.

it can be harmful to have peers who are low achievers.

the most important internal obstacles people face when trying to exercise regularly, such as finding workouts unpleasant, inertia, and forgetting,

Kevin Volpp,

achieving transformative behavior change is more like treating a chronic disease than curing a rash.