Loveless

by Alice Oseman

“Yeah, but is the spark there?” How was I supposed to know that? What the fuck was the spark? What did the spark even feel like?

When you know, you know.”

That sort of made me want to scream. I didn’t know how to know.

It felt like I was actually putting myself out there, trying something new,

I loved acting. I loved getting to step into a character and pretend to be someone else. I loved getting to say stuff and behave in ways that I never would in real life. And I knew I was good at it too.

She always said she preferred a more masculine-sounding name, and—with the exception of it being used by her family members—Felipa just didn’t feel like her.

But one thing caught my eye—the Kinsey Scale test.

And instead of a number, the letter X popped up. You did not indicate any sexual preference. Try adjusting your answers.

really believed she was the best I deserved.

“You deserve more,”

I was going to end up hurting Jason. And I was going to end up alone. Forever.

If I couldn’t like a guy who was lovely, kind, funny, attractive, my best friend … how could I ever like anybody?

“I’m fine,” I said. If I was a doll, that would be one of my prerecorded phrases.

Pride Soc Welcomes You! Come Party with Your New Family of QUILTBAGs!

Can’t stand alcohol. It gives me the shakes and I’m such a lightweight.

“No one gives a shit what you’re wearing, Georgia. This is the Pride Society.”

max. I don’t know what I expected. There was no particular type of person, no particular style or look. But they were all so friendly.

They were all just themselves. I don’t know how to explain it. There was no pretending. No hiding. No faking.

Durham, a bunch of queer people could all show up and just be. I don’t think I’d understood what that was like until that moment.

“Is it stressful? Being the president?” “Sometimes. But it’s worth it. Makes me feel that I’m doing something important. And that I’m part of something important.”

I’m just a person. But I like to think I’m making a positive impact, even if it’s a small one.”

been through a lot before he’d become this person—confident, eloquent, wise.

whatever he’d been through, he’d done it. He’d survived. And he was making the world a better place.

I liked deep chats, and I felt like I was getting to know Sunil properly.

she always came to me to talk about difficult things. I don’t know if that’s because she trusted me or just because I was a good listener.

Either way, I became a safe place. I’d been happy to be one then, and I still was now.

Día de las Velitas.”

who she could relate to and bond with on a deep level due to shared life experiences.

I’d never felt so understood in my life.”

You’re one of the very few people I actually care about in the world.”

“Like … I might not be alone forever. Like I might have the chance to … be properly myself here.

don’t know if I ever felt like being me was … good.”

I wished I could find the words to talk about all of this with my best friend.

I didn’t feel sure about anything, and I felt so weird all the time,

“I don’t really know how I feel.”

“Of course. I love you.” “Love you too.”

Pride Soc is inclusive and open and loving,

“I don’t think I can ever feel anything.” “Maybe he’s the wrong person for you.”

“He’s wonderful. But I never feel anything for anyone.”

A word that had sparked something in my brain. I’d finally made the connection.

“Asexuality. Do you know what that is?”

I’d hardly ever heard people use the word in real life, or even on TV or in movies.

“Asexuality means I’m not sexually attracted to any gender.”

“Asexuality means I’m not sexually attracted to any gender. So I don’t look at men or women or anyone and think, Wow, I want to do sexy stuff with them.”

I just don’t feel those feelings of attraction.”

Some asexuals still feel romantic attraction to people—wanting to be in relationships, or even kiss people, for example.

there’s really no way to tell how one specific person feels, even if they openly describe themselves as asexual.”

Men don’t turn me on. Nobody does.”

What I felt was so whole—it didn’t feel like two different things.

“Jess—she’s aromantic, meaning she doesn’t feel romantic attraction for anyone. She’s also bisexual.