A Vow of Hate (A Vow of Hate, #1)

by Lylah James

I gasped when his arm snaked around and his fingers circled my wrist. My eyes collided with his sleepy ones, looking slightly confused and still very much lost in the world between awake and consciousness.

He searched my eyes, before tugging me forward. It happened fast, even for someone half-asleep. Killian rolled over until I was under him, and he groaned in pain, his forehead dropping to mine. My pins had come undone and my veil shifted, dipping below my neck and exposing my scarred face to Killian. But it was dark enough he couldn’t see the ugly, mangled flesh. That was the only reason why panic didn’t seize me, why I didn’t rush to cover my face. Darkness shrouded us. Killian was barely conscious… this was my secret. His gaze fell to my lips, and he lingered there for a second too long, his eyelids hooded. His harsh breath fanned over my mouth and gooseflesh peppered my skin. Sweat broke between his brows and I could see the shadow of pain on his handsome face.

“Killian.”

His name echoed from my lips. He released a shuddering breath and then he did the one thing I didn’t expect him to do. His nose brushed against my unmarred cheek and along the length of my jaw. Killian nuzzled me, his lips caressing my skin like the softest feather. I trembled, warmth pooling in my belly. He lowered his body over mine and I didn’t have any choice but to accept his weight on me. My legs fell open and he settled between the cradle of my thighs. We were chest to chest, hips to hips, all of his hardness against my softness. Oh God. I didn’t come here for this… But now, I wanted it. The way his body pinned mine into the mattress, his breath on my skin, his lips whispering over my jaw with the gentleness of a lover’s touch. I want it. No, that was a lie. I need it. When he leaned down to my mouth, my eyes fluttered closed. I needed this more than I needed salvation. More than I desired redemption. Killian took my lips, stole my breath from my lungs and swallowed my whimper as I gave myself to him. He drove his tongue into my mouth, tasting me, licking me from the inside. My tongue met his in a tentative dance and I wanted to sob. My fingers curled into his dark hair a...

For we were more than a tragedy. We were an impending calamity; we were nothing but ugly together, wreaking havoc on our own souls. With our bare hands.

Because my truth was that… I fell in love with Killian Spencer when I was seventeen years old. But I only ended up killing his heart.

I somewhat enjoyed dinner with her every night. Her banter and her in-depth discourse about politics and really, anything in between. Yeah, maybe getting shot has fucked with my brain. Goddamn it!

A protector. To the woman who broke my heart. How ironic.

“If you’re looking for something out of this marriage, Beasty… then know this, remember this, we are fire and water. A story laced with sin and resentment. We are incapable of being anything other than what we are now. Fire burns; water drowns. And that’s exactly what we are – a catastrophe.”

It was absolutely terrifying, to feel yourself lose control of your own mind, your own emotions and your own body. To suffer in silence, to breathe through a broken heart – the kind of deep suffering that changes who you are from the inside. You become adrift, lost in a vast ocean of… nothingness. How could emptiness be so heavy? To feel so unworthy of love, to feel so… lost.

The hand on my thigh tightened in what I assumed was… satisfaction. My thigh burned under his touch, even though my dress kept him from touching my bare skin.

His thumb circled my knee and I frowned. What the hell? His touch was tentative, almost teasing. Shocked, I found myself growing still as his fingers drifted past the slit in my dress, until his callous hand was on my bare skin. Gooseflesh peppered my skin and my breath hitched. Oh God. What was he doing? My eyes darted to William, but he was unaware of his son’s intention. I gripped the table’s edge when his fingers inched higher toward the juncture of my thighs. My legs clenched, only to end up trapping his hand between my thighs, and Killian grinned. I should have stopped him. I really should have, but it was the way he caressed me that made me pause. Tenderly. Deceptively gentle. Teasingly.

I let out a barely audible gasp when Killian reached my satin panties. My belly pooled with warmth and my core tightened, feeling suddenly so empty.

Killian dragged his index finger over my wet slit through my panties. My heart hammered at the delicious sensation rippling through my body. Carefully, he tugged my panties to the side and cool air wafted over my fevered flesh, wetness dripping between my thighs and down the crack of my asshole. My breath hitched when his fingers brushed against my core. Holy shit. Oh God! With exquisite tenderness, he parted my wet folds, his thumb grazing my hardened nub. A soft whimper left me and I bit my lip, holding back the moan that threatened to escape my throat.

The pulse between my legs was almost unbearable at this point and I feared that I might just orgasm at the table. How horrifying, yet still… I didn’t stop Killian. It was like all my senses had left me and I was left with a greedy body that needed his caress more than anything. Killian continued his conversation with his father, with all the epitome of calmness. He was so contained while I was so… out of control. His thumb moved in circles, massaging my flesh, a knowing smirk plastered over his lips. My clit swelled and throbbed under his thumb as he rubbed and pressed against the bundle of nerves. White hot pleasure ripped through me. There weren’t butterflies in my stomach; it was pure fire burning through my veins. My hips moved against my will, chasing his caress with my wanton need. I could feel just how wet and sticky I was. My thighs quivered and my body tightened, on the precipice of orgasm. Almost frantically, I grasped his wrist, forcing him to stop. Killian’s knowing fingers slowed to a pause, but he kept his hand between my legs, inside my panties. I was still on a high, drugged with lust and needy with desires, when Killian lowered his head, so he could whisper in my ears.

Loving Killian Spencer was a death sentence. What we had, it was a catastrophe in the making.

“You’re acting like your panties aren’t still soaked with your juices and that my hand wasn’t just up in there.”

He brought his hand up to his nose, inhaling with a wicked grin.

“My fingers still smell like your c...

Killian lunged forward with a snarl and slammed me into the wall. His body was on me, pinning me against the wall. I expected him to retaliate. I awaited his vicious words, but when his forehead dropped to mine and his wine breath fanned over my face, through the veil, my heart seized up.

I looked over to the entrance of the ballroom and my eyes found her. There was a breathless second. It confused me. The way my heart seemed to ache. Or the way my stomach dipped at the familiarity of this very scene.

“You. Are. Such. A. Maddening. Woman.”

But insanity was just another word for tragedy. Because no insane lovers ever ended up with a happy ending.

“If your neckline was any lower, your nipples would be on display,”

My heart leaped at the sight of Killian – dressed in an all-black Armani suit, a black masquerade mask, stalking toward me with mad purpose. My mouth went dry when he came to stand in front of me, towering over my much smaller figure. A commanding presence, with the perfect combination of eloquence and power. It was just the way he always had been – easily dominating me with a single dark gaze.

“Dance with me,”

His eyes narrowed on me when he noticed my discomfort. The palm resting against my lower back pulled me closer and I released a shuddering breath the moment our chests touched. My nipples puckered and I released an involuntary shudder when his warmth surrounded me, his spicy scent filling my nose – so wickedly intoxicating.

“Lean into me,”

“I have...

Killian Spencer was addictive and I was a willing victim.

Killian and I had come to an unspoken understanding. Civil and in love. Until the end of our contract.

My shoulders tensed when I approached them and heard Julianna’s soft giggle. What was so fucking amusing? I didn’t know Gabriel was a goddamn comedian.

“A married woman like yourself shouldn’t be dancing so close with another man – especially not with a well-known rake. Your tits were smashed up against his chest, Julianna,”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say Killian Spencer is jealous.”

“If I were to be jealous, I would have to feel something for you.”

“You hate me. That’s quite a strong emot...

“And you despise me. That’s a ...

“What I feel for you is the opposite of disdain,”

“Your taunting will cost you dearly, wife,”

“I thought you didn’t like me docile,”

“It appears that sometimes I would prefer when you shut up. If you don’t know how, I ...

“Very well, then. Would you mind helping ...

“W...

“Shutting me up. You offered to help me. Go ahead. Shu...

Her teeth grazed her lower pouty lip, biting down. For the briefest moment, I wondered how she’d look without the mask. Red lips. Fierce grey eyes. Silky black hair pinned up. ...

“That’s very bold of you. Don’t challenge me; you don’t want to...

“I’m very curious, Killian. What ...

“I almost brought you to orgasm at our dining table, in front of my father – we both know very well what I can do.”

“That was a rare circumstance. I was just–”

“Needy? So deprived of a man’s touch that you almost came from me barely even touching your cunt? I am the man you despise and yet, you were greedy for more.”