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Their grasp of the English language is not a reflection of their intelligence, but a reflection of the sacrifice that they have made for us.
The table being round means all the dishes are equally within reach of everyone, but Chinese family meals aren’t complete without everyone serving food to everyone else, because doing so shows love and respect, which means we all need to do it in the most attention-seeking way possible. What’s the point of giving Big Aunt the biggest siu mai if nobody else notices?
Everything in Chinese-Indo culture is like that; everybody is somehow related to everybody else, and deals happen because somebody’s in-law knows someone else’s friend’s cousin.
We all still live in the same neighborhood, a mere ten-minute walk away from one another, and I feel the weight of their expectations, as if I have four mothers and all of their hopes and dreams have been placed on my shoulders. I’m basically driven by a mixture of caffeine and familial guilt.
I don’t want him to see me the way I am with them—quiet and benign. I want him to see the real me—the one on campus, where I can really be myself, free and sarcastic and sharp. A challenge instead of a shadow.
“I did just kill a person, so I don’t know that you can say you’ve raised me well.” “Oh, he must deserve it.”
he does he does
“Come, help me cut mango for aunties. If we don’t offer any food very ngga enak.”
Buset masih aja ga enakan😩
Your aunties coming over, so late at night, coming to help us get rid of body, and we don’t even offer them any food? How can? Oh, we have dragon fruit, good, good. Big Aunt’s favorite. Wah, got pear too. Very good. Help me peel, don’t be so rude to your aunties, you will bring shame.” “Oh, right, it’s the lack of fruit that’ll bring shame, not the dead body in the car.”
From the corner of my eye, I sense Ma’s approval, and it makes me want to laugh out loud and sob. I mean, seriously, I’ve just killed a man, and she still cares about me being respectful to my elders.
Oh. My. God. Noooo. In Indonesian, the phrase “tidak enak badan” means “not feeling well,” but its literal translation is “body not delicious.” Behind me, Fourth Aunt resumes cackling, while the others go, “What? What’s so funny?”
NGAKAK WKWKWKKWKWKWKW
Meddelin Chan: Haha! No, no, not thirsty! I have a lot to drink. Quite wet now. Jake1010Hotelier: Wow. Damn. If I’d known, I would’ve asked you out sooner. Meddelin Chan: Wah! How you know eggplant my favorite?? Jake1010Hotelier: It is, huh? Well, I’ve got a real big one for you. Meddelin Chan: Oh! I can’t wait! LOVE eggplant!!
BODONG BANGET BODONG BANGETTTTT
“Wah, wonder what model you got,” Big Aunt says. “Is it like my one?” She picks up her handbag from the kitchen counter and rummages in it, looking over her reading glasses.
😭😭😭
“Just wait until you see what Meddy do to the body. She was very respectful,” Ma says. I can’t believe she’s taking this moment to boast about me being respectful. This is peak Asian parenting.
Pretty sure that when Glad was planning their marketing campaign, they didn’t think their target market would be a bunch of middle-aged Chinese women arguing about how to best dispose of a body.
“And they took the cooler!” Second Aunt crows. “You should’ve come earlier so you could supervise, but you didn’t.”
WHOAAA
“No, I’m sure is call goldfish. Because pretend got gold, but actually just a fish.”
I like this better
“OH MY GOD!” I scream. Tom startles awake. “Wh-wha?” he rasps, blinking around him and wincing. “My head.” “Nice job! I knew you had Asian Auntie within you,”
more accurately, by spending your evenings stuffing potato chips in your gob and going through Reddit.
The eighth groomsman is Ah Guan.
WWOOOYYYYY
This is what always happens when one of my generation dares to talk back to our parents. They band together and reduce us to kids having a tantrum, dismissing our words so we can’t pierce their armor.
“I know.”
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I KNOW????
Because sitting on the bed are Ma and all of my aunts, their hands tied together, and standing behind them with a gun pointed at their heads is Maureen. “Ah, Meddy,” she says, and swings her arms up so the gun is now pointing straight in my face. “Now we can properly begin.”
WAIT ITS ESCALATING SO QUICKLY
“Wah, this girl very smart,” Second Aunt muses, nodding grudgingly. “Iya, pinter ya,” Big Aunt says. “Meddy, should learn to be more like her. Very smart. Must do good business.”
😭😭😭
Because Maureen’s in love with Jacqueline.
MY MY MY
