Dial A for Aunties (Aunties, #1)

by Jesse Q. Sutanto

What’s the point of giving Big Aunt the biggest siu mai if nobody else notices?

I’m basically driven by a mixture of caffeine and familial guilt.

“Yes, you’re not a whore, that’s why you’re so bad at dating.”

“Something on your mind?” You suing me and my family for fraud.

“This is like what you and Selena like to say? You kids always saying, ‘Wah, you killing it!’ Like that, ya?”

“I raise you so well.”

she just murdered a man

“Meddy, how can you say that? Your aunties coming over, so late at night, coming to help us get rid of body, and we don’t even offer them any food?

“Oh, right, it’s the lack of fruit that’ll bring shame, not the dead body in the car.”

I’ve just killed a man, and she still cares about me being respectful to my elders.

I’m actually sitting here, in the kitchen, watching my oldest aunties eat a mango and Ma and Fourth Aunt argue while Jake lies cooling in the trunk of my car.

I can’t believe she’s taking this moment to boast about me being respectful. This is peak Asian parenting.

Pretty sure that when Glad was planning their marketing campaign, they didn’t think their target market would be a bunch of middle-aged Chinese women arguing about how to best dispose of a body.

“Who am I going to get my lilies from now?”

ur not serious

“Iya, of course. I cut mangoes and make more tea, your aunties all eating—” Mangoes? Where did she get—never mind. I

my asian grandma always has mangoes too

Good grief, I don’t even know where to begin. There’s the fact that my mother has drugged a dozen groomsmen. Or maybe the fact that my mother carries around a stash of marijuana with her. What in the actual F??

He says “lol” as if it’s an actual word.

gross

This is what always happens when one of my generation dares to talk back to our parents. They band together and reduce us to kids having a tantrum, dismissing our words so we can’t pierce their armor.

Because Maureen’s in love with Jacqueline.

HUH