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December 27, 2021 - January 8, 2022
If you are feeling comfortable, you may also ask them, “What else can you share with me about your thoughts so that I can think about it more?”
“Is now a good time to ask a difficult question?”
precede your question with a priming question like this: “Would you share your honest opinion if it was uncomfortable?” or “Are you comfortable sharing your honest opinions with me?”
You can create a verbal or nonverbal signal that makes it easier for someone to have the courage to address something difficult or negative.
He gave his team permission to yell “Squirrel!” whenever he got the team off on a tangent.
As they share feedback, give positive encouragement along the way, and thank them, saying something like, “Wow, that’s very helpful. I need to think about that.”
If they tell you something of which you are already aware,
Just thank them for sharing.
It’s worth the investment because it is this sensitive feedback that will lead to transformational changes in your leadership and communication.
“If I had something difficult to share with you, how would you like me to bring up the topic?”
Notice how the facilitator defined the edges of the scale to allow for a wide range of answers that are acceptable and less revealing.
he frames a continuum with a range of responses that offers a fresh look for the respondent and enables the man to both evaluate and see that he wasn’t as close to the endpoint as he may have thought.
As you widen the scope of possible answers with your definition of 1 and 10, you create space for others to defuse negat...
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Now, imagine the boss asking the same question this way: “On a scale of 1 to 10, how effective are our weekly meetings?” There’s a lot more room for honesty when the question is framed that way. You don’t feel nearly as vulnerable when responding with “seven” as you do when you say “no” to such a question.
The more sensitive the question, the more important it is to define 1 and 10 in an extreme way because it widens the spectrum and creates more space for honesty.
Now the responder has some information that you can work with. An even more important part of this TalkSHIFT is the follow-up question: “What does a nine look like for you?” Give time for a response and carefully listen. Then ask, “What do you suggest we start doing, or stop doing, to move closer to a nine?”
Because of the framing of the question, the person is now thinking, “What’s the difference between ‘the most effective meetings I’ve ever attended’ and this one?” They’re mentally already in a good place to provide specific ways to improve the meeting.
“On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with our communication—10 being that our communication is better than anyone we know, and 1 being it’s worse than everyone we know?”
You can use 1-to- 10 to give yourself more latitude to respond honestly and to lessen any feelings of vulnerability.
they probably also don’t know the follow-up question, but you can continue to shift the conversation by asking it rhetorically of yourself. “Six may not sound great, but, since you asked, would you like to know the difference between a six and a nine for me?”
an answer of four actually helps them to see some positives in what they have.
with much less risk than a simple yes or no.
The reason that this shift works is that it gets the person thinking.
So much more has been accomplished in this exchange, and it likely feels more honest to both involved.
The construct of the two questions together gives the responder much more to consider and greatly broadens their perspective about possible answers. A simple yes or no is almost always emotion-focused.
it can help the respondent see that the reason something went poorly is actually within their influence or control.
you may need to establish why you are using this technique. This can be especially important when talking with family or in a conversation that could become emotionally charged.
It also helps to make sure that I am not overestimating or underestimating how strongly you feel about something.
profound insights involves how our actions (and our words) are driven by a desire to fill our needs.
This TalkSHIFT is especially powerful when we use it to explore what might be behind the words, attitudes, and behaviors of people who frustrate or incite us.
The reason why it’s important that we learn how to interpret people’s possible needs based upon their words is that many people don’t have the language to express their needs.
The simplest way to determine if you are expressing a need or a strategy is to use the PLATO acronym. If the sentence includes a Person, Location, Action, Time, or Object, then it is likely a strategy, not a need.
For example, “I need appreciation from my boss” expresses a strategy because it includes a person in the words from my boss. Removing from my boss turns it into an expression of a basic need: “I need appreciation.”
What seems like a minor detail is critically important. Here’s why. Once you separate your need from the strategy you use to fill that need, you open up a wor...
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Once you’ve identified the needs, consider whether there are other strategies to meet those needs that will not result in frustration for those around you.
the phrase bon courage imparts that the difference between your success and failure will be your courage, your heart—your strength.
“When you become the version of yourself that you’ve been dying to meet, other people in your life will be dying to meet that version of you too,” he said.
Change your words. Change your world.
it’s important to spark a desire within them to make a shift and, perhaps, become more open to a change.
The key to sparking a TalkSHIFT in someone else is to practice the tools on your own first. You spark a TalkSHIFT when you lead by example. Sparking a TalkSHIFT in someone is taking a leadership role in your relationship with them.
I encourage you to visit www.TalkSHIFT.com/spark for updates and more tools.
finish this book and begin to practice the shift you desire on your own.
if you want to learn a new language quickly, “Practice it everywhere—at home, at work, on the street. Everywhere.”
They wanted to be a part of something larger than themselves and to help him fulfill his dream.
The three-word secret to inspiring people is this: DO. SOMETHING. INSPIRING.
Once you set a big goal and tell people, the first weeks or months are critical to establishing that there’s a possibility that you will achieve this goal.
We set a big, inspiring goal and immediately start following it with little wins.
inspirer. It evolved into Middle English as the word enspire, which meant “to breathe life into.”
To inspire is not to motivate. To motivate someone is “to give someone a cause or reason to act.”
If I were ten times more courageous than I am, I would _____________.
