How to Win Friends and Influence People: Building Lasting Relationships and Achieving Influence: A Comprehensive Guide to Winning Friends and Influencing People
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PRINCIPLE 11—DRAMATIZE YOUR IDEAS.
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“The way to get things done,” say Schwab, “is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.”
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PRINCIPLE 12—Throw down a challenge.
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IN A NUTSHELL WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING PRINCIPLE 1—The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. PRINCIPLE 2—Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.” PRINCIPLE 3—If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. PRINCIPLE 4—Begin in a friendly way. PRINCIPLE 5—Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. PRINCIPLE 6—Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. PRINCIPLE 7—Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. PRINCIPLE 8—Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. PRINCIPLE 9—Be ...more
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Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing. A leader will use . . .
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PRINCIPLE 1—BEGIN WITH PRAISE AND HONEST APPRECIATION.
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This could be easily overcome by changing the word “but” to “and.” “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.”
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Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.
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An effective way to correct others’ mistakes is . . . PRINCIPLE 2—CALL ATTENTION TO PEOPLE’S MISTAKES INDIRECTLY.
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Admitting one’s own mistakes—even when one hasn’t corrected them—can help convince somebody to change his behavior.
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“As a result of that conversation I made the decision to stop smoking cigarettes myself, and with the support of my family, I have succeeded.”
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PRINCIPLE 3—TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN MISTAKES BEFORE CRITICIZING THE OTHER PERSON.
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He always gave people the opportunity to do things themselves; he never told his assistants to do things; he let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes. A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correct errors.
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Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.
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PRINCIPLE 4—ASK QUESTIONS INSTEAD OF GIVING DIRECT ORDERS.
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Letting one save face! How important, how vitally important that is! And how few of us ever stop to think of it!
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Whereas a few minutes’ thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person’s attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!
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Let’s remember that the next time we are faced with the distasteful necessity of discharging or reprimanding an employee.
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The legendary French aviation pioneer and author Antoine de Saint-Exupéry wrote: “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.” A real leader will always follow . . . PRINCIPLE 5—LET THE OTHER PERSON SAVE FACE.
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Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere—not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good.
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The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart.
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Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.
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PRINCIPLE 6—PRAISE THE SLIGHTEST IMPROVEMENT AND PRAISE EVERY IMPROVEMENT. BE “HEARTY IN YOUR APPROBATION AND LAVISH IN YOUR PRAISE.”
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if you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.
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PRINCIPLE 7—GIVE THE OTHER PERSON A FINE REPUTATION TO LIVE UP TO.
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If you want to help others to improve, remember... PRINCIPLE 8—USE ENCOURAGEMENT. MAKE THE FAULT SEEM EASY TO CORRECT.
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The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior: 1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person. 2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do. 3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is it the other person really wants. 4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest. 5. Match those benefits to the other person’s wants. 6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will ...more
PRINCIPLE 9—Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
IN A NUTSHELL BE A LEADER A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this: PRINCIPLE 1—Begin with praise and honest appreciation. PRINCIPLE 2—Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. PRINCIPLE 3—Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. PRINCIPLE 4—Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. PRINCIPLE 5—Let the other person save face. PRINCIPLE 6—Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” PRINCIPLE 7—Give the other ...more
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