More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Read between
November 23 - December 3, 2021
about 15 percent of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and about 85 percent is due to skill in human engineering-to personality and the ability to lead people.
Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts their sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.
Never again did he write an insulting letter. Never again did he ridicule anyone. And from that time on, he almost never criticized anybody for anything.
“Judge not, that ye be not judged.”
“DON’T criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”
“DON’T complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,” said Confucius, “when your own doorstep is unclean.”
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
The secret of his success? “I will speak ill of no man,” he said, ”. . and speak all the good I know of everybody.” Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
Sreejith Boban liked this
Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”
Dr. Johnson said: “God Himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you and I?
PRINCIPLE 1—DON’T CRITICIZE, CONDEMN...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
Dr. Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is “the desire to be important.”
Remember that phrase: “the desire to be important.” It is significant.
Some of the things most people want include: 1. Health and the preservation of life. 2. Food. 3. Sleep. 4. Money and the things money will buy. 5. Life in the hereafter. 6. Sexual gratification. 7. The well-being of our children. 8. A feeling of importance.
It is what Freud calls “the desire to be great.” It is what Dewey calls the “desire to be important.”
William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” He didn’t speak, mind you, of the “wish” or the “desire” or the “longing” to be appreciated. He said the “craving” to be appreciated.
The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals.
People sometimes became invalids in order to win sympathy and attention, and get a feeling of importance.
but he did say that many people who go insane find in insanity a feeling of importance that they were unable to achieve in the world of reality.
“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.
“There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work.
So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbat...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
As the old couplet says: “Once I did bad and that I heard ever. Twice I did good, but that I heard never.”
Sincere appreciation was one of the secrets of the first John D. Rockefeller’s success in handling men.
We often take our spouses so much for granted that we never let them know we appreciate them.
We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self-esteem?
The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.
“DON’T be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”
“Teach me neither to proffer nor receive cheap praise.” That’s all flattery is—cheap praise.
I once read a definition of flattery that may be worth repeating: “Flattery is telling the other person precisely what they think about themselves.”
In our interpersonal relations we should never forget that all our associates are human beings and hungey for appreciation.
Honest appreciation got results where criticism and ridicule failed.
“Every man I meet is my superior in some way, In that, I learn of him.”
Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime—repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
PRINCIPLE 2—GIVE HONEST AND SINCERE APPRECIATION.
First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”
“If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
customers like to feel that they are buying—not being sold. Yet many salespeople spend a lifetime in selling without seeing things from the customer’s angle.
The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.
First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.
PRINCIPLE 3—AROUSE IN THE OTHER PERSON AN EAGER WANT.
In a Nutshell FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE PRINCIPLE 1—DON’T criticize, condemn or complain. PRINCIPLE 2—Give honest and sincere appreciation. PRINCIPLE 3—Arouse in the other person an eager want.
But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love.
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves—morning, noon and after dinner.
“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”
If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people—things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.
A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two-way street-both parties benefit.
If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind:
