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November 23 - December 3, 2021
PRINCIPLE 1—BECOME GENUINELY INTERESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE.
the expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back.
Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.
“There is nothing either good or bad,” said Shakespeare, “but thinking makes it so.”
“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.”
THE VALUE OF A SMILE AT CHRISTMAS It costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.
PRINCIPLE 2—Smile.
PRINCIPLE 3—REMEMBER THAT A PERSON’S NAME IS TO THAT PERSON THE SWEETEST AND MOST IMPORTANT SOUND IN ANY LANGUAGE.
Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, DON’T wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence.
PRINCIPLE 4—Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talking in terms of the other person’s interests pays off for both parties.
PRINCIPLE 5—TALK IN TERMS OF THE OTHER PERSON’S INTERESTS.
If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can’t radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return—if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.
The law is this: Always make the other person feel important.
William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
Little phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you,” “Would you be so kind as to ----?” “Won’t you please?” “Would you mind?” “Thank you”—little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life—and, incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding.
The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.
Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
“Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.”
PRINCIPLE 6—MAKE THE OTHER PERSON FEEL IMPORTANT—AND DO IT SINCERELY.
PRINCIPLE 1—Become genuinely interested in other people. PRINCIPLE 2—Smile. PRINCIPLE 3—Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. PRINCIPLE 4—Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. PRINCIPLE 5—Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. PRINCIPLE 6—Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely. ❑
Buddha said: “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,” and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
“When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.” If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
“My wife and I made a pact a long time ago, and we’ve kept it no matter how angry we’ve grown with each other. When one yells, the other should listen—because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations.”
PRINCIPLE 1—THE ONLY WAY TO GET THE BEST OF AN ARGUMENT IS TO AVOID IT.
Never begin by announcing “I am going to prove so-and-so to you.” That’s bad.
If you are going to prove anything, DON’T let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
Galileo said: You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.
There’s magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.”
You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad- minded as you are.
PRINCIPLE 2—SHOW RESPECT FOR THE OTHER PERSON’S OPINIONS. NEVER SAY, “YOU'RE WRONG.”
There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.
Remember the old proverb: “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”
PRINCIPLE 3—IF YOU ARE WRONG, ADMIT IT QUICKLY AND EMPHATICALLY.
It is an old and true maxim that “a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” So with men, if you would win a man to you cause, first convince him that your are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart; which, say what you will, is the great high road to his reason.
Remember what Lincoln said: “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”
PRINCIPLE 4—BEGIN IN A FRIENDLY WAY.
His whole technique, now called the “Socratic method,” was based upon getting a “yes, yes” response. He asked questions with which his opponent would have to agree.
He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful of yeses. He kept on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.
The next time we are tempted to tell someone he or she is wrong, let’s remember old Socrates and ask a gentle question—a question t...
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PRINCIPLE 5—Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said: “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”
Why is that true? Because when our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, they—or at least some of them—will feel inferior and envious.
PRINCIPLE 6—Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
PRINCIPLE 7—Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
PRINCIPLE 8—Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
So, if you want to win people to your way of thinking, put in practice ... PRINCIPLE 9- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
PRINCIPLE 10—Appeal to the nobler motives.
