Dungeon Crawler Carl (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #1)

by Matt Dinniman

New achievement! Why aren’t you wearing pants?

Reward: None! Haha. You are so dead.

Reward: Let’s wait a few minutes before we decide on whether or not to waste a prize on you.

Breaking my fingers every time I punched something was not a good long-term plan.

But a man’s plan none the less.

it looked a lot like a crackhead’s bicycle.

“Did we really just start a meth war between the goblins and the llamas?”

“I do like it when you blow stuff up. I like it a lot.”

If this were a prison, you would now be my bitch. Wait… Reward: Bitches don’t get rewards.

they were elderly. Not cool grandpa dude at the club elderly. But holy-crap-I-love-you-gam-gam-but-how-the-hell-are-you-still-alive elderly.