Is This Anything?

by Jerry Seinfeld

I still don’t know exactly for sure where jokes come from. I think it’s from some emotional cocktail of boredom, aggression, intense visual acuity and a kind of Silly Putty of the mind that enables you to re-form what you see into what you want it to be.

The real problem of stand-up, of course, is that you must constantly justify why you are the only one talking while a room full of people sit quietly.

I never met a stand-up who wasn’t funny at all. But for the most part, it was the people who killed themselves to keep coming up with great new material who were able to keep rising through the many levels.

There is something exciting, I think, about being in the same room with the person who originally thought all the ideas you’re hearing.

That’s what happens when you’re a kid. There’s a level of boredom where you cannot support your body weight.

Adulthood is the ability to be totally bored and remain standing.

If aliens are watching this through telescopes, they’re going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them takes a crap, and the other one’s carrying it for him… Who would you assume is in charge of that society?

Your home is really just a Garbage Processing Center. You buy new things You bring them into your house and you slowly Trashify them over time…

“Would you like to hear the Specials…?” “No. If they’re so Special, put them on the menu. I’m not interested in food that’s auditioning to get on the team.”