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April 23 - May 24, 2020
We may still feel uncomfortable with certain traits of personality or behavior, but self-awareness can help us find constructive ways to address that discomfort.
Introverts and extroverts alike can get lonely, just not in the same way.
Compassion forms a natural bridge between self-knowledge and self-acceptance, and loving kindness toward oneself is the first path leading over that bridge.
Self-compassion is what shields us from-or at least softens the blow of-the judgment and ridicule of people who don’t under stand us.
According to developmental psychologists, we need to be free of interruptions such as texts, emails, and news feed alerts, in order to access our deepest thoughts and feelings.
The practice of self-reflection can take the form of meditation or prayer, a nature walk, or simply a few minutes of silent contemplation in a park, during our work commute, or before we go to bed at night.
it’s important to make time to reflect even on our pain so we can learn from it. Often, it’s this very reflection that hastens decisions, which lead to relief.
the power of gratitude can be delivered in the smallest of moments
solitary reflection and self-awareness play such a critical role in preparing us for relationships with others.
internal attune ment helps us feel centered, confident, and calm, securing the foundation of self-knowledge from which we can build strong connections
Names and personal anecdotes can be powerful connectors, especially when the names are properly pronounced
people relate in all different kinds of ways. While some become friends trading jokes in a group, others are much more likely to bond if they’re able to chat quietly with just one other person
toss out a single idea, question, or word to prompt a group discussion that’s more thoughtful and personal than her guests might dare to start up on their own-more
she encourages her guests to listen as much as they talk, and to pitch in and serve each other, instead of waiting to be served.
Friends want to spend time together and will make the effort to do so. They put each other at ease and strive to understand each other. They share common interests and respect each other. In the most basic terms, friends show that they care about each other,
many people confuse friendship with transactional relationships, viewing friends as sources of social or professional status or material favors.
don’t treat our friends ideally all the time.” That’s why forgiveness is such a crucial part of friendship.
core friendships will wither without the direct face-to-face communication that allows us to be fully present and available to one another.
It’s so easy to flip that sixty-forty ratio and spend more hours digitally chatting with people we barely know than connecting meaningfully with those we love the most.
we’re almost always left feeling better when we take those risks with friends.
the Harvard data showed that inner-circle relationships were better predictors of health and happiness throughout life than IQ, wealth, or social class.
we choose to be more honest and engaged in these relationships precisely because they create a safe place where we can more fully be ourselves.
Intimacy also is physical, even when it’s not sexual. Touch releases a host of brain chemicals, including the hormone oxytocin, which enhance our focus on social information and strengthen ties
a love affair actually can lead to relational and collective loneliness.
it was dangerously antisocial, even pathologically self-absorbed, to elevate marital affection and nuclear-family ties above commitments to neighbors, extended kin, civic duty and religion.”[6]
Belonging to a group can help reduce stress, repair emotional damage, and promote meaning and purpose.
Laughter is one of the most contagious, universal, and instinctive connectors,
we’re lonely, Dunbar says, one of the best ways we can develop a middle circle of friends is to join a singing group, be it a barbershop quartet, a church choral group, or a local blues or rock band.
any form of physical exercise will produce an endorphin kick, but having a partner and working out in sync will dramatically escalate the reward.
just the flicker of recognition and a welcoming smile help us feel known in a subtle but meaningful way.
At each weekly staff meeting, one team member was asked to share something about themselves through pictures for five minutes. Presenting was an opportunity to share more of our lives,
many workplace cultures often overtly or implicitly discourage friendship,
When social ties begin to fray among colleagues, distrust infects communication and collaboration. Entire teams and even departments can suffer.
Having a friend at work makes us feel safer, more resilient and calmer when disagreements arise and more likely to support one another emotionally and physically.
In my work building nonprofit and business organizations, I found that the relationships between my colleagues were strengthened through what Barsade calls “micro-moments,” or small, spontaneous interactions.
“There’s research that shows, as long as you make a thoughtful request, people will think you are more competent, rather than less.”
“We’ve shown that engaging in the process of both asking for and receiving help, and building the network actually elevates people’s emotional energy and decreases their negative energy.”
part of the benefit of this is disabusing people of the notion that leadership always knows what they are doing.
Many of us misguidedly assume that strangers don’t want to be approached.
The truth, however, is that even those who do want to be left alone will welcome friendly interaction. The data also suggests that we’re happier when we take the initiative to connect with them.
babies and young children thrive on emotional connection with parents, siblings, and close family and friends.
too often, the importance of healthy social relationships can get lost amid the other priorities of school, sports, grades, chores, and family pressures.
Only when faced with social isolation did students experience enough distress to disrupt their intellectual reasoning and logic.
It would appear that when students feel shunned, they become preoccupied with the problem of their social fate, thus diverting brainpower from learning.
‘Mundane’ aspects of family life such as talking to one another, having dinner together, and knowing about the adolescents’ friends seem to matter.”
kids need to be reminded in that moment of the people who do value and accept them, whether they be a different group of friends, a club or community group, or their favorite family members.
not all screens have the same effects on all children.
Parental interaction also helps kids learn how to behave, how to get along with others, how to give and take.
Problems show up, Anderson told me, when kids start to confuse their own self-worth with the number of likes they get online,
many kids don’t really want to spend most of their time online, and when they’re empowered to come up with their own solutions, these can be much more effective
