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April 23 - May 24, 2020
they give us all a way to more easily share important moments like the birth of a child
all these examples show how technology can serve as an online way station to connect people offline.
turning to one’s social media feed as the destination typically leaves people feeling more distant and dissatisfied with their own lives,
Streaming movies online can mean sharing a favorite film
what makes this group so extraordinary is the real impact the women have on each other’s lives offline.
imagine and design technology that intentionally strengthens our connections with each other instead of weakening them, that prioritizes quality in our interactions over quantity, and that supports a healthy and engaged society.
distant water cannot help you with a fire nearby,
just as the concrete draws most of its strength from the water poured on it in the days after it’s placed, each of us gains our strength not by virtue of being born but because of the love that is showered upon us in the days, months, and years that follow.
When we’re disconnected, we have a hard time listening to each other. We tend to judge quickly and assume the worst about people who disagree with us.
This pulsing undercurrent of anxiety pushes us all to our set positions, talking with one another less and accusing one another more, understanding one another less and feeling ever more isolated.
how are we as a global family going to attend to the basic fundamentals of creating the right of belonging? There isn’t a community that doesn’t face this.”
“When you go to where people live and you sit with them, you actually begin collective empathy-you
when we share space together we promote a mutual sense of belonging.
his idea of utopia was a self-contained community surrounded by parks and separate from industry and agriculture.
a sense of imminent threat makes our world feel less safe and hospitable. It erodes our sense that we all belong here.
natural response to protect ourselves in the face of threat is to close down and prejudge others, instead of opening up and giving them the benefit of the doubt.
a cognitive bias known as “motive attribution asymmetry,” which tells us that our beliefs are grounded in love, while our opponents’ are based on hatred.
Almost all problem solving requires compromise, and we’re much more likely to seek and accept compromise if we can identify with the people on the other side of a dispute.
Listen to understand. Speak from the heart. Stay at it. For the rest of your life. Persist.
There’s something that binds everyone. Even if they are behaving in ways I find reprehensible, we still share a common humanity. And that can’t be erased.
Being connected to others gives us a stake in more than our own interests.
once we find points of shared value and concern, our minds and hearts open to each other.
“You shouldn’t collapse yourself into the family imagery. You have the opportunity to be a bridge between private and public life.”
Loneliness is the great masquerader. It can appear as anger, alienation, sadness, and a host of distressing emotional states.
Examinations of the backgrounds of violent criminals from mass shooters to serial killers have turned up evidence of loneliness.
As with so many boys who feel they’re not allowed to express sadness or vulnerability, their loneliness often manifested as anger,
acts of kindness and generosity were among the most powerful exercises for reducing loneliness and improving well-being.
Service, Cole told me, is tied together with purpose and meaning, and all three play potent roles in social connectedness.
getting threatened people to focus on things that they care about turns out to be a pretty good trick from a neurobiological perspective.”
The real therapeutic synergy occurs when we come together with others to take action to achieve a common goal.
service operates like a back door out of loneliness into social revival.
“Doing gave me a false sense of control and stability.”
The more deeply he immersed himself in his work, the more he avoided doing the painful but necessary work of sorting through the fears and anxieties that were wreaking havoc on his internal life.
They may desperately want to connect and be accepted, but can’t, because life has trained them to be afraid of being exploited or hurt by other people.
Genetics definitely helped, in that children who were born with calm and agreeable dispositions naturally attracted care and support, but it was the social support that made the difference.
one of the most important factors in preventing and addressing toxic stress in children is healthy social connection.[22]
If you build a kid, you won’t have to repair an adult.
Belonging is such a desirable goal that the threat of rejection can be a powerful group enforcement mechanism.
“Those kids are our kids, too.”
How was it that, after only three hours, a group of strangers could feel so connected? Serena believes that the key lay in creating a space where people could put aside any preconceived social expectations and instead share candid stories without fear of criticism.
I had to learn how to cherish each relationship for its uniqueness.”
the lasting lesson is not that we all need to be best friends, but that we do need to develop cultures in which all are encouraged to express and share our true humanity. One way to do that is through the power of direct face-to-face conversation.
“Something that all people need,” he said, “is to reflect, to discuss, to flesh out ideas and concepts and struggles with other human beings.
Our social media feeds would have us all believe that our social lives depend on having hundreds of friends and followers online and a constant schedule of dates, trips, and parties.
we tend to magnify our weaknesses, discount our strengths, and distrust our natural instincts.
We might fake being happy and busy as we mimic the behavior we observe around us. Or we might pretend to be above the fray, so confident and self-sufficient that we don’t care or need to connect.
we all need to learn to treat ourselves with the kindness, encouragement, and candor that we would offer a good friend.
constructive self-talk reminds us who we are, what we love and value, and why we need to keep going-just as a close friend would do.
To begin to know ourselves better, we need to take a step back and allow ourselves to think about questions that reveal what we value and why we respond to the world and others as we do: What do you most love doing, and why? What do you dread? How do you respond to stress? What are you most grateful for? What do you yearn for?
The idea of self-knowledge is not to shine with perfection but to gain insight and self-acceptance.
