Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... and it's all small stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life

by Richard Carlson

As we learn in the Zen philosophy, when you learn to “let go” of problems instead of resisting with all your might, your life will begin to flow.

Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon closer examination, aren’t really that big a deal. We focus on little problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion. A stranger, for example, might cut in front of us in traffic. Rather than let it go, and go on with our day, we convince ourselves that we are justified in our anger.

avoid taking other people’s problems personally.

So many people spend so much of their life energy “sweating the small stuff’

This strategy has nothing to do with ceasing to do your very best but with being overly attached and focused on what’s wrong with life.

Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now.

Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can’t Be Superachievers

Fearful, frantic thinking takes an enormous amount of energy and drains the creativity and motivation from our lives.

When you have what you want (inner peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires, and concerns. It’s thus easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals, and to give back to others.

A powerful technique for becoming more peaceful is to be aware of how quickly your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control. Have you ever noticed how uptight you feel when you’re caught up in your thinking? And, to top it off, the more absorbed you get in the details of whatever is upsetting you, the worse you feel.

The solution is to notice what’s happening in your head before your thoughts have a chance to build any momentum. The sooner you catch yourself in the act of building your mental snowball, the easier it is to stop.

This is what "mindfulness" is. Being the observer of the thoughts. Noticing that your obessively thinking. This can happen during formal meditation practice or any time throughout the day. Thoughts think themselves; there is no need to identify with them.

say to yourself, “Whew, there I go again,” and consciously nip it in the bud. You stop your train of thought before it has a chance to get going.

You can acknoledge a thought that has popped into your head without following it. Most of the thoughts that run through our heads on a daily basis are completely useless, and only serve to take us away from the current moment.

imagine what it’s like to be in someone else’s predicament, and simultaneously, to feel love for that person. It’s the recognition that other people’s problems, their pain and frustrations, are every bit as real as our own—often far worse.

Compassion is something you can develop with practice.

Compassion develops your sense of gratitude by taking your attention off all the little things that most of us have learned to take too seriously.

it can help to remind you that many of the things that you think of as “big stuff” are really just “small stuff” that you are turning into big stuff.

Often, we convince ourselves that our obsession with our “to do” list is only temporary—that once we get through the list, we’ll be calm, relaxed, and happy. But in reality, this rarely happens. As items are checked off, new ones simply replace them.

nothing is more important than your own sense of happiness and inner peace and that of your loved ones. If you’re obsessed with getting everything done, you’ll never have a sense of well-being!

I find that if I remind myself (frequently) that the purpose of life isn’t to get it all done but to enjoy each step along the way and live a life filled with love, it’s far easier for me to control my obsession with completing my list of things to do.

It’s also the cause of many arguments, because if there’s one thing almost everyone resents, it’s someone who doesn’t listen to what they are saying.

Once you begin noticing yourself interrupting others, you’ll see that this insidious tendency is nothing more than an innocent habit that has become invisible to you.

Remind yourself (before a conversation begins, if possible) to be patient and wait.

You’ll also notice how much more relaxed you’ll feel when you stop interrupting others.

The ego is that part of us that wants to be seen, heard, respected, considered special, often at the expense of someone else. It’s the part of us that interrupts someone else’s story, or impatiently waits his turn to speak so that he can bring the conversation and attention back to himself.

The next time someone tells you a story or shares an accomplishment with you, notice your tendency to say something about yourself in response.

The result will be that the person will feel more relaxed around you, making him or her more confident as well as more interesting. You too will feel more relaxed because you won’t be on the edge of your seat, waiting your turn.

To a large degree, the measure of our peace of mind is determined by how much we are able to live in the present moment. Irrespective of what happened yesterday or last year, and what may or may not happen tomorrow, the present moment is where you are—

we also postpone our gratification, our stated priorities, and our happiness, often convincing ourselves that “someday” will be better than today. Unfortunately, the same mental dynamics that tell us to look toward the future will only repeat themselves so that “someday” never actually arrives.

Many people live as if life were a dress rehearsal for some later date. It isn’t. In fact, no one has a guarantee that he or she will be here tomorrow. Now is the only time we have, and the only time that we have any control over.

To combat fear, the best strategy is to learn to bring your attention back to the present. Mark Twain said, “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

Practice keeping your attention on the here and now. Your efforts will pay great dividends.

We all want our positions to be respected and understood by others. Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart.

Listening is key. But this doesn't mean that bad ideas need to be agreed with. Bad ideas do sometimes need to be challenged. If they aren't, they become more deeply ingrained and more dangerous, and more easily spread. However, there is a difference between "attacking" someone (in which case they will stop listening), and gently challenging their baselesss view of something. A person may not change their view in the moment, but if a factual counterpoint is respectfully presented, the seed has been planted.

Without patience, life is extremely frustrating. You are easily annoyed, bothered, and irritated. Patience adds a dimension of ease and acceptance to your life. It’s essential for inner peace.

I can calmly, yet firmly, direct my children’s behavior far more effectively than when I get crazy.

Children watch very closely how a parent deals with stress, anger, and conflict. And will absorb that behavior and eventually emulate it.

Whenever we hold on to our anger, we turn “small stuff” into really “big stuff” in our minds.

Whether it be an argument with your spouse, child, or boss, a mistake, a lost opportunity, a lost wallet, a work-related rejection, or a sprained ankle, chances are, a year from now you aren’t going to care.

Now, rather than using up my energy feeling angry and overwhelmed, I can use it instead on spending time with my wife and children or engaging in creative thinking.

Life isn’t fair. It’s a bummer, but it’s absolutely true. Ironically, recognizing this sobering fact can be a very liberating insight.

We commiserate with others, discussing the injustices of life. “It’s not fair,” we complain, not realizing that, perhaps, it was never intended to be.

we are reminded that everyone is dealt a different hand,

the difficult decisions I’ve had to make about who to help and who I can’t help,

When we do recognize that life isn’t fair, however, we feel compassion for others and for ourselves.

“People are no longer human beings. We should be called human doings.”

if you allow yourself to be bored, even for an hour—or less—and don’t fight it, the feelings of boredom will be replaced with feelings of peace. And after a little practice, you’ll learn to relax.

simply learning the art of relaxing, of just “being,” rather than “doing,” for a few minutes each day.

Much of our anxiety and inner struggle stems from our busy, overactive minds always needing something to entertain them, something to focus on, and always wondering “What’s next?”

When you allow your mind to take a break, it comes back stronger, sharper, more focused and creative.

What you want to start doing is noticing your stress early, before it gets out of hand. When you feel your mind moving too quickly, it’s time to back off and regain your bearings.

The first step in becoming a more peaceful person is to have the humility to admit that, in most cases, you’re creating your own emergencies. Life will usually go on if things don’t go according to plan. It’s helpful to keep reminding yourself and repeating the sentence, “Life isn’t an emergency.”

you want to gently hold the problem in your mind without actively analyzing it. This simple technique will help you solve many problems and will greatly reduce the stress and effort in your life.