Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... and it's all small stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life

by Richard Carlson

The more we struggle with our problems and the more we want them to go away, the worse they seem and the more stress they cause us. Ironically, and luckily, the opposite is also true. When we accept our problems as an inevitable part of life, when we look at them as potential teachers, it’s as if a weight has been lifted off our shoulders.

Rather than push away the problem and resist it, try to embrace it. Mentally, hold the problem near to your heart. Ask yourself what valuable lesson(s) this problem might be able to teach you.

This is a Buddhist concept, which teaches that it is the resistence to the problem that causes the most suffering. The constant craving to grasp at positive experiences and push away the negative ones leads to an unsettled mind.

we don’t know what’s going to happen—we just think we do. Often we make a big deal out of something. We blow up scenarios in our minds about all the terrible things that are going to happen. Most of the time we are wrong.

If you’re feeling a little jealous, greedy, or angry, rather than deny or bury your feelings, you can open to them, which helps you move through them quickly and grow beyond them. When you no longer think of your negative feelings as a big deal, or as something to fear, you will no longer be as frightened by them.

see your mistakes as learning opportunities, ways to navigate your growth and perspective. Say to yourself, “Woops, I lost it again. Oh well, next time I’ll handle it differently.” Over time, you’ll notice drastic changes in your responses to life, but it won’t happen all at once.

notice what happens when you stop blaming others for anything and everything in your life. This doesn’t mean you don’t hold people accountable for their actions, but that you hold yourself accountable for your own happiness and for your reactions to other people and the circumstances around you.

Blaming makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is contingent on the actions and behavior of others, which you can’t control.

Become an Early Riser

An hour or two that is reserved just for you—before your day begins—is an incredible way to improve your life.

Many people have told me that this one shift in their routine was the single most important change they have ever made in their lives. For the first time ever, they are able to participate in those quiet activities they never found the time to do. All of a sudden, the books are getting read, the meditation gets done, the sunrise is appreciated.

What saved me from getting overly stressed and too uptight was remembering that one hundred years from now, no one will remember this moment, no one will care.

50 years after our death, there will likely not be a person alive who knew us well.

People are frustrated and uptight about virtually everything—being five minutes late, having someone else show up five minutes late, being stuck in traffic, witnessing someone look at us wrong or say the wrong thing, paying bills, waiting in line,

The root of being uptight is our unwillingness to accept life as being different, in any way, from our expectations. Very simply, we want things to be a certain way but they’re not a certain way. Life is simply as it is.

The first step in recovering from overseriousness is to admit that you have a problem. You have to want to change, to become more easygoing. You have to see that your own uprightness is largely of your own creation—it’s composed of the way you have set up your life and the way you react to it.

Whenever you expect something to be a certain way and it isn’t, you’re upset and you suffer. On the other hand, when you let go of your expectations, when you accept life as it is, you’re free.

A plant, however, is easy to love just the way it is. Therefore, nurturing a plant offers us an excellent opportunity to practice unconditional love.

In the Buddhist tradition, difficulties are considered to be so important to a life of growth and peace that a Tibetan prayer actually asks for them.

It is felt that when life is too easy, there are fewer opportunities for genuine growth.

when the person you are talking to feels listened to, he or she will appreciate and respect you far more than when you habitually jump in with your own position. Jumping in only makes him or her more determined and defensive.

Seeing your photograph in the local newspaper may be a nice thing to achieve but isn’t as meaningful as learning to stay centered in the face of adversity.

I think of my most meaningful accomplishments as stemming from inside myself: Was I kind to myself and others? Did I overreact to a challenge, or was I calm and collected? Am I happy? Did I hold on to anger or was I able to let go and move on?

the true measure of our success comes not from what we do, but from who we are

When you’re not caught up in your thinking, taking things too seriously, your feelings will be generally positive.

You can think of your negative feelings in the same way you think of the warning lights on the dashboard of your car. When flashing, they let you know that it’s time to ease up.

If Someone Throws You the Ball, You Don’t Have to Catch It

The idea of “not catching the ball” simply because it’s thrown to you is a powerful tool to explore.

Everything has a beginning and an ending and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

All we know is that, eventually, everything disappears into nothingness. Welcoming this truth into your life is the beginning of a liberating adventure.

Another part of Buddhist philosophy; the concept of being at peace with impermanence.

Unhappiness is the result of struggling against the natural flow of experience.

Forget about the world and other people for a few minutes. Instead, look into your own heart. Can you become a source of greater love?

As you put more emphasis on being a loving person, which is something you can control—and less emphasis on receiving love, which is something you can’t control—you’ll find that you have plenty of love in your life.

It’s important to realize that you are constantly thinking.

Five mintues of meditation will make one quickly realize just how much time they spend being controlled by our thoughts, without even realizing it.

your thinking will always come back to you as a feeling; there is a point-to-point relationship. Try getting angry without first having angry thoughts!

In turn, it is nearly impossible to remain angry without you fueling that anger with thoughts. The physiological sensation of anger only lasts a few moments in the body. It's our thoughts that can perpetuate the anger for hours or days.

The truth is, in order to experience a feeling, you must first have a thought that produces that feeling.

Unhappiness doesn’t and can’t exist on its own. Unhappiness is the feeling that accompanies negative thinking about your life. In the absence of that thinking, the unhappiness, or stress, or jealousy, can’t exist. There is nothing to hold your negative feelings in place other than your own thinking.

Give Up on the Idea that “More Is Better”

As long as you think more is better, you’ll never be satisfied. As soon as we get something, or achieve something, most of us simply go on to the next thing—immediately.

Yet another Buddhist concept. Pleasures are fleeting. It is in our nature to crave the next thing. Once we get it, the pleasure is short lived. We then instantly start to crave the next thing. It is the constant craving that leads to an unsatisfactory state of mind. Craving brings about more craving. Most of us can't satisfy our every craving, which makes us suffer. But even when we *can* satisfy a craving, it will turn into a new craving almost instantly.

As thoughts of what would make your life better enter your mind, gently remind yourself that, even if you got what you think you want, you wouldn’t be one bit more satisfied, because the same mind-set that wants more now would want more then.

As thoughts of what would make your life better enter your mind, gently remind yourself that, even if you got what you think you want, you wouldn’t be one bit more satisfied, because the same mindset that wants more now would want more then.

You can spend your lifetime wanting more, always chasing happiness—or you can simply decide to consciously want less.

You can spend your lifetime wanting more, always chasing happiness—or you can simply decide to consciously want less.

I’ve found that it’s helpful to keep asking myself, “What’s really important?”

I’ve found that it’s helpful to keep asking myself, “What’s really important?"

Be Open to “What Is”

Be Open to “What Is"

One of the most basic spiritual principles in many philosophies is the idea of opening your heart to “what is” instead of insisting that life be a certain way.

One of the most basic spiritual principles in many philosophies is the idea of opening your heart to “what is” instead of insisting that life be a certain way. (This is a tenet of the Theravada Buddhist philosophy.)

The greater our surrender to the truth of the moment, the greater will be our peace of mind.

The greater our surrender to the truth of the moment, the greater will be our peace of mind.

If you can learn to open your heart in the midst of the difficulties of daily life, you will soon find that many of the things that have always bothered you will cease to be concerns. Your perspective will deepen.

If you can learn to open your heart in the midst of the difficulties of daily life, you will soon find that many of the things that have always bothered you will cease to be concerns. Your perspective will deepen.

it’s about knowing when to help and when to leave something alone.

Sometimes,it’s about knowing when to help and when to leave something alone.

If you search for ugliness you’ll find plenty of it.

If you search for ugliness you’ll find plenty of it.