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“Dude, you’re fucking paranoid right now. Chill, man.” “Did you not hear her?” Brig seethes with worry. “She said we would never have dicks again.” Christ. I drag my hand over my face. We are way too drunk to be dealing with something like this. “She said we would have broken love. Your dick is fine.” “That’s what you think? Have you looked at yours yet? What if she turned them green or something?
“Slow down there, Eve. You act like I want to fuck you or something. That’s far too presumptuous. You’re my best friend’s twin after all, so that would be like fucking Eric with a wig on.” “We’re fraternal.” “You sound the same.” “He’s a man.” “Yeah, it’s really unfortunate that you have such a baritone voice coming out of such a hot body.”
And in high school before they left for culinary school, he smelled like Axe body spray because at that point he realized smelling like a douche was better than smelling like garlic.
“Oh yeah, give me the good stuff. Just like that, run your hands up my back.” “Shut. Up,” I say, a laugh popping out of me. “All this wiggling is getting me hot and bothered. Want to do it in your car?” “You realize you’re sick, right? A sick bastard taking advantage of a grieving daughter.”
“And as the scum of the earth who is well aware of that, if you need me to hold your boob in this time of need, I can lend a hand . . . even two.”
“Word on the street is you fumbled so badly with Lydia Samson that you thought her armpit was her vagina.”
It was dark, I was drunk off my ass, and she kept saying, Yes, right there, right there. She was the sick fuck, letting me pump my dick into her armpit. We were in a closet on a boat, for fuck’s sake.”
“When you’re the most well endowed, you have to do something with all that extra testosterone raging through your veins. It was better to take care of business than go on Hulk-like smashing sprees.”
“Most well endowed?” I roll my eyes. “Please, everyone knows that’s Griff.” False, everyone knows it’s Reid.
I’m starving. “What were you thinking?” “Franklin’s Deli. His new homemade mustard makes my nipples hard.”
“Damn, you’re pale.” Jesus. I toss my shirt down and grab another half of a sandwich. “We live in fucking Maine—what did you expect?” “Not to be blinded.” She blinks a few times. “Warn a girl to put on her sunglasses before you go flashing that around. You’re basically translucent. I think I saw your intestines.”
“When did you become the polite police? I’m pretty sure you told me to eat my own shit the other day.”
“Yup, you figured me out. I’ve been pining after you all this time,” I deadpan. “Been saving myself too. Only want one penis, and it’s yours.”
“I have snow in my crack thanks to you.” “Better than the stick you usually have shoved up there.” Her eyes widen, and a rueful smile passes over her lips before she takes a step forward. “Lord knows you’ve tried to pull it out several times with zero luck.” “Unclenching would help a guy out a lot.”
Well, I know what my dick wants, that’s for damn sure—he’s nearly leading the charge.
Beyoncé is wrong: Girls don’t run the world. Side boob does. Side boob runs the world.
he’s seen my backside, but a front side is a completely different story. It’s apples to oranges. Nipples to butt cheeks.
A buddy wash. Pass the soap, pal. Coming your way, comrade.
“You want me to taste that sweet pussy of yours and then spread your legs and bury my cock so deep inside of you that you don’t think I could fill you any more . . . until I go that extra inch.”
Don’t move, because I have plans.” “Yeah? What kind of plans?” “Cuddle plans.”
“Big dick and likes to cuddle. Wow, Knightly, you should have been advertising that a long time ago.”
“I wasn’t playing with your junk—ugh, why do you have to say it like that?” I slip my hand up her shirt. “Then what would you call it?” “Examining the goods, seeing how fast it could rise.”
“Are you hungry?” “Yeah, spread your legs more.”
“Let’s see, I could have a protein bar, or I could eat out Eve’s pussy. Wow, this is a tough one. Protein bar or Eve’s pussy—how do I even decide?”
“Well, you do owe me shower sex, so we can start there.” “You drive a hard bargain, Roberts, but being the gentleman that I am, I’ll acquiesce.” “Wow,” she deadpans. “What a hero.”
“You stuck your hand down my pants and squeezed my ass.” I wag my finger at her. “I can see how that could be construed as damning evidence, but I’m pretty sure I saw something fly down there and wanted to make sure it wasn’t a spider or anything.”
“Last night meant more to me than just fucking my friend—it meant connecting with someone in a way I never have before. You made me feel shit, Eve, and I don’t let myself have feelings. But it felt good. Fuck, it felt so damn good. It’s why I want to sink myself inside of you all over again, because I want that feeling of euphoria to take over me, that feeling of comfort, of belonging. This isn’t just about fucking, at least not for me. This is about starting something new.”
Reid: Not that it’s any of your business, but her jaw actually hit the floor when she saw my penis. Rogan: Because she couldn’t find it, right?
Jen: If you’re going to include me in these texts, can you please refrain from talking about your penises? Unless you want me talking about my vagina after giving birth to children. **Rubs hands** Then game on, boys. Reid: I just threw up in my mouth. Brig: Flappy vagina talk—NEVER AGAIN! Griffin: **Slowly backs away** Rogan: Yeah, I have a meeting to run to. Jen: My work here is done.
My opinion of you is so much higher than you could even fathom, and it has nothing to do with what you do or where you live but everything to do with the heart that beats inside your chest.”
failing doesn’t mean you quit, that failing is just a stepping stone to achieving what you want in life?
“Yup, I’m the queen of Port Snow. They have me living up in the mayor’s house, and I have my own assistant who brings me afternoon tea every day. It’s a grand life.”
I mean, I should be honored, but every time I break into ‘Do-Re-Mi,’ I truly want to pistol-whip my own face.”
“You’re dating a Knightly,” Jen says. “And along with amazing sex, I come with free fudge and treats,”
“That was some good sucking, babe. Nearly sucked me to my knees.”
“As long as they make my penis seem even bigger than it already is, I’m cool with anything.”
“Do you know how juvenile that sounds?” “Hey, if you want, I can put in a good word for your boobs. Instead of mosquito bites, I can ask them to make some embellishments.” “What?” I pinch his side. He squeaks and laughs at the same time. “I do not have mosquito bites. Last night you practically gagged on them.”
I don’t think I would be more shocked right now if my dad came out and told me he’s not my real father. Or if he ripped off his flannel and started belly dancing. Or if he told me he’s prone to wearing titty tassels to bed because he likes to bedazzle himself for a good night’s sleep.
Failure should not define you, but it sure as hell should motivate you.”
failure is what makes us stronger. Without failure, we would never succeed. You failed big time in Boston, but instead of quitting, you need to learn from your mistakes and make sure you don’t repeat them. Failure is an opportunity to grow, not a chance to give up.”
“Lovers, huh? What a grown-up title.” In a different, slightly deeper voice, I say, “Hi, I’m Eve, and this is my lover, Reid.” “And then I whip out my dick for a handshake, or dickshake, if I may.”
“Because my dick has deposited some pretty impressive milkshakes inside of you.”
“Are you complaining about my milkshakes?”
“Laying it on thick.” “You want something thick?” Poof, the romance is gone. “Oh my God, Reid! Seriously, you need help.” “I wasn’t talking about my dick, Eve.” I roll my eyes, shifting in the tub. “Sure, okay, then. What were you talking about?” “My thumb. Want to sit on it?” “Night,”
“Get dressed. I’m not going to be distracted by your nakedness.” “But my dick likes the fresh air.”
“Why would I lie? You just put out, so no need to butter you up.”
“Your entire ass is on display.” “Would you rather I wear it like a cape so you can see the frontal goods while you eat?”
“Were you naked while you stared at the ingredients?” “Of course.” She laughs, and I can’t resist adding, “Those meatballs might be a little jealous, having my balls to compare themselves to.”
“Well, I was supposed to be having a girls’ night.” “Have a girls’ night with my dick.”
“Don’t joke about giving oral to other people. As far as I’m concerned, my dick is the only one that’s touched your lips.” “Okay, keep telling yourself that.” I will. I really fucking will.
