Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day

by Jay Shetty

he appeared joyous, confident, and at peace.

“If you can’t explain something simply, you don’t understand it well enough.”

“When you get stressed—what changes? Your breath. When you get angry—what changes? Your breath. We experience every emotion with the change of the breath.

to focus on the root of things, not the leaf of the tree or symptoms of the problem.

breathwork for the physical benefits—to find stillness and balance, to calm yourself; visualization for the psychological benefits—to heal the past and prepare for the future; and chanting for the psychic benefits—to connect with your deepest self and the universe, for real purification.

It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.

the sociologist Charles Horton Cooley wrote: “I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.”

Our identity is wrapped up in what others think of us—or, more accurately, what we think others think of us.

Our families, our friends, society, media—we are surrounded by images and voices telling us who we should be and what we should do.

They clamor with opinions and expectations and obligations.

I was less vulnerable to the noises around me, telling me what was normal, safe, practical, best.

neither did I let their definitions of success and happiness dictate my choices.

The only way to build a meaningful life is to filter out that noise and look within.

Values make it easier for you to surround yourself with the right people, make tough career choices, use your time more wisely, and focus your attention where it matters.

our values are defined by what we experience.

The more we are absorbed in celebrity gossip, images of success, violent video games, and troubling news, the more our values are tainted with envy, judgment, competition, and discontent.

the world we live in constantly pushes blatant and subliminal suggestions as to what we should want, and how we should live, and how we form our ideas of who we are.

Observing and evaluating are key to thinking like a monk, and they begin with space and stillness.

filtering the noise of external influences is a material letting go.

When we tune out the opinions, expectations, and obligations of the world around us, we begin to hear ourselves. In that silence I began to recognize the difference between outside noise and my own voice. I could clear away the dust of others to see my core beliefs.

Most of us don’t sit down and think about our values. We don’t like to be alone with our own thoughts.

When we fill up our lives and leave ourselves no room to reflect, those distractions become our values by default.

First, on a daily basis I recommend you sit down to reflect on how the day went and what emotions you’re feeling. Second, once a month you can approximate the change that I found at the ashram

by going someplace you’ve never been before to explore yourself in a different environment. This can be anything from visiting a park or library you’ve never been to before to taking a trip. Finally, get involved in something that’s meaningful to you—a hobby, a charity, a political cause.

No matter what you think your values are, your actions tell the real story.

What we do with our spare time shows what we value.

If you’re a woman, you’ll spend 136 days getting ready.

These are just estimates of course, but our daily choices add up.

You may have been with the right or wrong person for the same reason: because you value love.

For the next week, whenever you spend money on a nonnecessity or make a plan for how you will spend your free time, pause, and think: What is the value behind this choice?

What qualities do I look for/admire in family, friends, or colleagues?

When you are not alone, surround yourself with people who fit well with your values. It helps to find a community that reflects who you want to be.

When I spend time with this person or group, do I feel like I’m getting closer to or further away from who I want to be?

the answer could be more vague—a feeling like irritability or mental fuzziness after you spend time with

them. It feels good to be around people who are good for us; it doesn’t feel good to be around people who don’t support us or bring out our bad habits.

Who you talk to, what you watch, what you do with your time:

these sources push values and beliefs.

Does this fit my chosen values or those that others have selected for me? Is this dust or is it me?

“Cancers of the Mind: Comparing, Complaining, Criticizing.”

When we criticize others, we can’t help but notice the bad in ourselves. But when we look for the good in others, we start to see the best in ourselves too.

“Do not give your attention to what others do or fail to do; give it to what you do or fail to do.”

More often, we use gossip to put others down, which can make us feel superior to them and/or bolster our status in a group.

up phone call into an interminable vent session describing their job, their partner, their family—what’s wrong, what’s unfair, what’s never going to change.

For these people, nothing ever seems to go right.

The senior monks reminded us that everyone had different sicknesses, everyone was still learning, and that, just as we would not judge anyone else’s health problems, we shouldn’t judge someone who sinned differently.

Don’t judge someone with a different disease. Don’t expect anyone to be perfect. Don’t think you are perfect.

We approach negativity—any type of conflict, really—by taking a step back to remove ourselves from the emotional charge of the moment.

‘If someone is nasty to me, I cannot be happy or feel good about myself.’

We step away, not literally but emotionally, and look at the situation as if we are not in the middle of it.

When someone hurts you, it’s because they’re hurt. Their hurt is simply spilling over.