Becoming Bulletproof: Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, and Live Fearlessly

by Evy Poumpouras

being willing to help others is the antidote to fear. And that is the first step toward becoming bulletproof.

Survival is about mastering yourself and your fear response, being able to think and act while keeping your panic at bay. Being able to navigate your mental and physical response to fear is your number one survival skill. It can also be the best ally you have in any intimidating situation life throws your way. Managing your fear requires a deliberate act of courage. It is a choice that you make, and it’s one that everyone is capable of making.

The best way to manage fear is preparation. It isn’t hiding from the things we’re afraid of—it’s facing them head-on, taking responsibility for our own safety, and giving ourselves the tools and knowledge we need to manage any situation that might come our way. It’s about confidence, personal strength, and self-sufficiency.

If you want to be capable of facing conflict and crisis without falling apart, you must first understand yourself, your fears, and then strategize how best to manage them.

Being fearless is bullshit. It isn’t possible to live without fear, and it shouldn’t be necessary in order for you to live a healthy, successful life. Fear is natural, useful, and it keeps us alive.

Beyond the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises, all other fears are learned fears.

If it’s a threat we think we can overpower, we go into Fight mode. If it’s a threat we think we can outrun, we go into Flight mode. If it’s a threat where we think we can do neither—we Freeze.

There are two types of regrets: The regrets we have after doing something and those that come from not doing something. Although regrets for our actions are often psychologically agonizing at first, their pain tends to diminish over time as we begin to either justify how they happened or find meaning in why they happened. Inaction, on the other hand, is something we hold on to, wishing we could turn back the clock and do things differently.

We tend to remember the things in life we had the chance to do, but didn’t—an opportunity lost, a promise unfulfilled. Failing to act leaves open infinite possibilities of what might have been. Because these scenarios leave us without closure, our minds are left to imagine a life or a circumstance different than the one we’re living now.

Your mental armor is an internal firewall against the harmful words or actions of others that might otherwise undermine or diminish you. Developing this kind of shield gives you agency; it allows you to choose what you want to take in and what you want to keep out.

Tunnel vision can make you so hyperfocused on one particular threat that you’re unable to see what else is happening around you, which makes it extremely dangerous.

STEP 1: EXPOSE Identify stressors that you can introduce into your life to help you strengthen your mental armor.

you should start small, but these should be uncomfortable. They might make you feel awkward or even afraid, and that’s okay so long as you don’t overdo it.

STEP 2: EXPERIENCE Observe and take note of your F3 response. Study yourself under the condition of heightened stress to learn all that you can abo...

STEP 3: ADJUST After analyzing your responses, identify areas where you want to make adjustments. What can you do differently to help you achieve the desired result?

STEP 4: OVERCOME After you identify what worked and what didn’t, choose one area to really focus on and correct. Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to fix everything in one fell swoop.

STEP 5: REPEAT Repeat steps 1–4. Having strong mental armor requires repetition, so you must keep at it. It’s not enough to just attain it; you must also maintain it.

Fear is like fire. If you extinguish it while it’s small, it won’t become an inferno.

Avoid the Hot Zones

The point is that sometimes it’s better to simply stay away from those environments that are potential hot zones for you. This includes people who could cause you some level of harm, whether done intentionally or not. And I don’t just mean physical harm—I mean the kind that could undermine your sense of self-worth. One of the first strategies for building mental toughness is taking inventory of who you surround yourself with. Do you feel mocked or diminished by those in your social circles? Are the people closest to you good for your well-being? Are they supportive of your decisions, but stern and honest when they feel you’re heading down the wrong path? How do you feel about yourself after spending time with certain people? Do you feel energized and good about yourself, or disheartened and depressed? It’s vital for us to honestly assess every person in our circle and decide whether or not they’re truly a friend or foe.

If you’re not sure which relationships in your life should qualify as a hot zone, then ask yourself: When I present my ideas or opinions, are they met with criticism or acceptance? When I express my feelings, are they quickly dismissed or deeply considered? Am I routinely the butt of the joke or am I in on the punch line? Am I usually the last to know something or the first to be informed? In my absence, do I go unnoticed or am I missed? When I am there, do I feel like an intruder or part of the group? When I leave an interaction with someone, do I feel worse or better about myself? If you find yourself answering “Yes” to any of the negative phrases in these sentences, you should begin to think about your exit strategy.

Even when reloading our weapons, we kept moving until we positioned ourselves safely behind cover. We called this constant motion getting off the X. This training ensured that we never stood still long enough to give our adversaries an easy target. The get off the X lesson carries over to all facets of our lives. When it comes to building up your mental fortitude, don’t remain in the same place long enough to get hit, hurt, or insulted. And when I say “don’t remain in the same place,” I literally mean “don’t remain in the same place.” As in, physically get up and leave.

Why wait for things to go really wrong before deciding to pack up and go? We knew that if we hung around any longer than necessary, two things would inevitably happen: 1) it would encourage further and possibly bolder attacks, and 2) it would make our eventual departure even more dangerous or difficult. Get off the X means keep moving for your survival and well-being. Get out of the area of danger. Adjust. Pivot. Because when you stay static—that is, when you remain in a bad situation—you will get hurt. And what many people don’t realize is that removing yourself from a bad environment actually helps deescalate a situation before things get really bad. So the next time you get the feeling that the conversation or mood in the room is turning against you, I want you to think about immediately removing yourself from the scene. There is no shame in leaving. In fact, leaving will save you the shame you’ll probably end up feeling by staying put and taking it.

Have the Courage to Walk Away

Society has ingrained in us the need to firmly stand our ground, or else we run the risk of being preyed upon. Although that’s true to some extent, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to fight back every time and in the most obvious of ways. Most people mistakenly believe that the proper reaction to being attacked is to directly and immediately confront their aggressor. In many instances, however, these transparent responses are the worst ways to defend your honor. The foundation of these responses really has more to do with protecting your pride than anything else. As a result, we end up wasting all our physical and emotional efforts engaging every fool that crosses our path.

Your goal should never be to fight every battle. Rather, to be selective and thoughtful about which battles to fight and why, and to avoid pointless confrontation whenever possible. It has nothing to do with being weak or afraid. It is about controlling your emotions, and being intelligent and calculated in how you handle certain individuals. If you confront every opponent with aggression, you become predictable. Your emotional reactions will become transparent, and ultimately you will be perceived as common as the fools you deal with. The key is to be able to determine when it makes sense to fight and when it makes sense to walk away.

Despite Newton’s theory, not every action needs a reaction. Just because someone is demanding your attention doesn’t mean you have to give it, especially if that engagement seems emotionally charged. When you decide not to dignify an irrational communication with a response, it’s about preserving your personal dignity and mental clarity. Just because someone throws the ball doesn’t mean you have to catch it.

When faced with a situation in which you’re being provoked, take a moment to let your emotions pass, and then ask yourself, “Do I really need to respond?”

there will be certain times when you have to respond. When it directly relates to a relevant issue, then by all means reply, just do so from a place of logic. Focus on the issue at hand, be methodical in the words you choose, and condense your communication to the bare minimum, when appropriate.

If you ever find yourself struggling to identify whether or not you need to respond, either in person, or via phone, text, or email, ask yourself these questions: Is this a true emergency that requires my immediate attention? Is this a relevant issue that I must respond to? Is this something I can ignore? Is my response going to invite unnecessary drama? If I don’t respond, will there be negative repercussions? Are they trying to make their problem my problem? Am I being baited into an argument? Is this distracting me from more important tasks?

You may not be able to control what another person says or does, but you can always control your response, or lack thereof, to it. If you don’t like drama, then don’t invite it in.

there are times when somewhere along the way we lose focus on the long game and begin acting based on what we impulsively want in the short term. Part of having emotional intelligence is keeping your impulses in check and having the foresight to step back and evaluate your behavior. Are you heading in the right direction? Will this course of action bring you closer to your ultimate goal or farther from it? With every endeavor I take on, I constantly ask myself if my immediate actions are in line with where I want to eventually end up.

You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. —EPICURUS

Mental resilience serves three purposes: To keep you emotionally composed in a moment of crisis. To help you effectively problem-solve using logic and reason. To quickly recover from any mental hardship.

Your ability to accept a situation—the real situation—will ultimately help you overcome it. This means that when unplanned shit happens, and it will, you must forgo the I can’t believe this is happening to me attitude, and instead adopt the mindset of This is happening to me. This is my reality. So now what?

Often, when things don’t go as planned, we become more fixated on what went wrong than we are about solving the issue at hand. We get stuck in the problem mindset, looking for anything and anyone to blame. Focusing on all the reasons why something can’t be done, rather than on how it can be done. Research shows that as humans, we have a limited amount of mental bandwidth to utilize when it comes to problem-solving. Our executive function is the part of our brain that helps us creatively think outside the box, stay focused on a task, and deal with unanticipated challenges. When we tax that function with a series of seemingly insurmountable challenges, we actually impair our ability to handle impending problems. This is why, when forced to deal with unexpected issues, it’s wiser to use your finite mental energy to have a solution mindset, wherein you focus on the solution rather than obsessing over the problem.

STEP 1: SET AN EXPIRATION DATE

STEP 2: ACCEPTANCE Once you’ve moved through your emotional hurdles, accept where you are now. Don’t try to start from where you had been or where you wish to be.

STEP 3: SHIFT TO THE SOLUTION MINDSET Solutions require innovation. Creativity. Stepping outside your mental and emotional confines and looking at the situation from a bird’s-eye view. Shift your mindset away from the problem and toward the solution.

When you find yourself so upset or pissed off that you can’t think clearly, it’s time to introduce a Disrupter. A disrupter is something that mentally distracts you from the problem at hand. You can’t solve anything when your head and heart are not clear or your F3 is running in high gear. You’re also not likely to make intelligent decisions or interact well with others.

Below are the three disrupters that I deploy every time I’m seeing red, white, and fuck you:

1. Place: Placing physical distance between you and your hardship is a great way to shift your emotional outlook.

2. Activity: Do something to physically alter your mental state.

Whatever the physical activity, make sure it’s challenging enough to draw your full attention. Doing something you don’t want to do—like the laundry or cleaning the bathroom—is probably not the best activity for you in that moment. The point is to draw your attention away from your problem and onto something else that draws you into the present moment.

3. Time: Using time as a disrupter is another way to pull yourself out of the mental mess swimming in your head. We tell kids, “When you’re angry, count to ten.” I say count to twenty-four hours. I actually have a twenty-four-hour rule that I follow when I receive an email, call, or text that I don’t like. Because my default typically is to tell someone to go fuck themselves (hello, F3 response), I’ve learned that it’s better if I step away, knowing that response won’t help me in the long game, nor will it make me look good. When I use Time as my disrupter, I make sure not to focus on my dilemma for that designated period of time; otherwise, I know I’ll quickly fall back into the cycle of ruminating on the issue. Usually after twenty-four hours, if I still want to respond, then I’m able to reapproach the situation without the unnecessary emotional nonsense that would have made its way in a day earlier.

Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes. —ANTISTHENES

90 percent of protection is prevention. Everywhere you go, you want to create your own advance plan. It takes only a few minutes, but the more you do it, the more efficient you will become, and eventually it will be second nature. Think about the places you go most often and start there, mapping out your ingress and egress points (more on that in a minute), working out how you’ll get from A to B.

HOSPITALS: As Secret Service agents, we always knew where the nearest hospital was for every location we visited. But it wasn’t enough just to find any hospital within our proximity, because not all hospitals are the same.

Most people’s immediate reaction is to call 911 and wait for an ambulance. Although this is prudent protocol in some situations—especially when the person can’t be moved or there’s no way to get them to the hospital—this waiting period begins to cut into what medical officials refer to as the Golden Hour, that small window of time in which prompt medical attention can be the difference between life and death.

The three risk factors that determine this vulnerability are what I call the 3 P’s: People. Lots of them. At the WWE event there were more than 82,000 attendees. Place. A large population of people densely packed into one location. Press. Media. Attackers—especially terrorists—want exposure, so lots of cameras mean that an attack could be recorded and broadcast.