Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life

by Nir Eyal

‘When you invent the ship, you also invent the shipwreck.’

living the life we want requires not only doing the right things, it also requires that we stop doing the wrong things that take us off-track.

Living the life we want not only requires doing the right things, but also necessitates not doing the things we know we’ll regret.

Being indistractable isn’t about being a Luddite. It’s about understanding the real reasons why we do things against our best interests.

Whether internal or external triggers prompt us, the resulting action is either aligned with our broader intention (traction), or misaligned (distraction). Traction helps us accomplish goals; distraction leads us away from them.

‘the wealth of information means a dearth of something else … a poverty of attention’.

it’s not our fault distractions exist (as they always have), managing them is our responsibility.

Being indistractable means striving to do what you say you will do. Indistractable people are as honest with themselves as they are with others.

Even when we think we’re seeking pleasure, we’re actually driven by the desire to free ourselves from the pain of wanting.

the drive to relieve discomfort is the root cause of all our behaviour, while everything else is a proximate cause.

Most people don’t want to acknowledge the uncomfortable truth that distraction is always an unhealthy escape from reality. How we deal with uncomfortable internal triggers determines whether we pursue healthful acts of traction or self-defeating distractions.

Only by understanding our pain can we begin to control it and find better ways to deal with negative urges.

If a behaviour was previously effective at providing relief, we’re likely to continue using it as a tool to escape discomfort.

Anything that stops discomfort is potentially addictive, but that doesn’t make it irresistible. If you know the drivers of your behaviour, you can take steps to manage them.

Negativity bias almost certainly gave us an evolutionary edge. Good things are nice, but bad things can kill you, which is why we pay attention to and remember the bad stuff first. Useful, but what a bummer!

Dissatisfaction is responsible for our species’ advances and its faults. To harness its power, we must disavow the misguided idea that if we’re not happy we’re not normal – exactly the opposite is true.

learning to notice and accept one’s cravings and to handle them in a healthy way. Instead of suppressing urges, ACT prescribes a method for stepping back, noticing, observing and finally letting the desire disappear naturally.

Without techniques for disarming temptation, mental abstinence can backfire. Resisting an urge can trigger rumination and make the desire grow stronger.

When an urge takes hold, noticing the sensations and riding them like a wave – neither pushing them away nor acting on them – helps us cope until the feelings subside.

‘It’s a curious truth that when you gently pay attention to negative emotions, they tend to dissipate – but positive ones expand.’6

Self-compassion makes people more resilient to letdowns by breaking the vicious cycle of stress that often accompanies failure.

Timeboxing uses a well-researched technique psychologists call ‘setting an implementation intention’, which is a fancy way of saying ‘deciding what you’re going to do, and when you’re going to do it’.

Being indistractable is largely about making sure you make time for traction each day and eliminating the distraction that keeps you from living the life you want – one that involves taking care of yourself, your relationships and your work.