Ducks, Newburyport

by Lucy Ellmann

James Mason in his old green cardigan, dispatching the drivers,

Bigger Than Life

James Mason trying to steer the Nautilus when he’s dying

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954)

the fact that he criticized Anne Bancroft for crying too much during some scene they were in together,

Two for the Seesaw

the fact that Jane Fonda is not shy, and neither is Joyce Carol Oates, the fact that I’m shy, but Rosa Parks was shy too,

end Week 3 day 2

the fact that I thought there was something wrong with me when I was a kid because I could see two overlapping versions of things sometimes, and go cross-eyed if I wanted to, Childhood Diseases, the fact that it took me years to figure out everybody

oh same

the fact that we all just carry on as if everything’s going to be okay, but we don’t know that, the fact that you’re just bumbling along and at any moment a flower pot could fall on your head and leave you in a wheelchair from then on, or you could just go blind for no reason, or the doctor could tell you you have a year to live, the fact that somebody just got Tasered for jaywalking,

bird flu and swine flu will terrify everybody

Vaseline on a Q-Tip will help get stray eyelashes out of eyes

good top tip

mosques will call Muslims to prayer Trump will call Muslims bad names

kids will like cotton candy though in Jake’s case only if you form it into an O

the fact that the vet told Leo it’s perfectly normal for an iguana to lay a great big pile of eggs like that, and you can eat them, the fact that the vet thought iguana eggs make good omelets,

gagging.gif

soon there’ll be nothing left but us, and then how’ll they like it, only bad animals,

“That’s a permanent stain,”

The Odd Couple

the fact that here it is, “‘This nut,’ he continued, with playful solemnity,”

she found it!

I’m scared he’ll do something vindictive first, something unforgivable, like nuking some country out of grouchiness or sour grapes, or maybe he’d even nuke America, if we make him mad enough,

too much has been too prescient so far, I can't bear this

“I’m just going to say one word to you, just one word… plastics,”

The Graduate

the fact that maybe I just hate words starting in “ex”, but I don’t like that U sound either, extrude, the fact that I don’t mind “explain” or “excellent” or “Excalibur” or “excelsior,” so I guess it’s the U sound that bugs me,

End of Week 3 Day 3

the fact that some man threatened to do a mass shooting because he couldn’t get a date, the fact that, hey, maybe nobody wanted to go out with you because you’re a mass shooter, ever think of that,

that's right, Smelliot

the fact that Trump thinks he’s the big expert on female beauty because he bought a beauty pageant once and pawed all the contestants, the fact that he judges every woman he meets from one to ten, just like a teenager

the fact that half the world’s drowning in porno pics, and the other half’s watching Oprah and trying to be positive about things,

THE TWO GENDERS

the fact that when I do have any excess energy, I like to spend it being regretful and embarrassed,

the fact that I’m always practicing storing salient features, just in case the police ever ask me to identify a suspect,

omg I thought I was the only one

Tuesday, the fact that Tuesday is the hardest day,

“Where was Sunday?”,

When Harry Met Sally

the fact that you’d think writing important things down on thin strips of bamboo might be a little risky, posterity-wise, but those bamboo strips lasted thousands of years, the fact that if they’d been digitalized, like, in 300 BCE, they wouldn’t’ve lasted a hundred, and we’d never have found them either,

the fact that actually, if I had three wishes, I’d just take money, an end to pollution, and some $80 ceramic knives,

the fact that celery puts so much effort into being celery, just to end up filling the plastic lunch box of a not particularly hungry American kid,

the fact that I can still smell Mommy’s perfume,

the fact that Stacy’s still intrigued by my spitball ordeal, the fact that maybe only a fifteen-year-old could see something swell about carrying a love token around in your ear for thirty years,

“You have no compassion for my poor nerves,”

Pride and Prejudice

the fact that they sell baby kale at the farmer’s market, and call it a superfood, but all it gives you for your trouble is super gas, the fact that I don’t believe that stuff is really digestible,

SAME

“gettin’ a might sleepy at that,”

Seven Brides

the fact that it’s really Abby I wish I’d hugged more, rag rugs, CC and ginger, and she would have let me, unlike these characters,

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the fact that one thing’s for sure, whatever you do, it’s not enough, and make one mistake and you’ve had it, nap, euphoria, because everybody thinks they can threaten and criticize and mom-shame you,

but what if it’s the other way around, and it’s us moms that are traumatized, shell-shocked, damaged, starved, downtrodden, by everything we gotta do, this huge thankless task, the fact that I think it sends some moms off their rockers, most moms maybe, the fact that let’s face it, most of us are in terrible shape,

FIVE STARS

the fact that he probably thinks the Democrats released this lion on purpose,

lol

the fact that it’s getting so it’s not safe for kids to be outside because of the cops, never mind the lion,

the fact that people say human beings are basically benevolent, because when things like Hurricane Katrina happen, everybody gets together and helps each other out, and this proves we’re basically a “cooperative species,” the fact that I hope they’re right but, well, the Nazis helped each other out a lot too, and IBM helped them some more, the fact that the Nazis all got together as a community and exterminated a bunch of people, the fact that, boy, did they cooperate smoothly on that,

oof

the fact that I’ll have to separate them now, and they were playing so nicely before, the fact that kids really are wild animals, they’re like little tiger cubs you keep in the house,

like Charlie Hawthorn in that Little House book, whichever one it is, when he gets stung by the bees,

Little House in the Big Woods

don’t ask for the moon when we have the stars,

Now, Voyager

the fact that he could be right outside our house right now, the selfie killer, not Donald Trump, I hope, the fact that maybe the selfie killer, Trump, and the lion are outside our house, help, the fact that I don’t know which would be worse,

hahhaah

“This family annihilation will either be a success or a failure,”

hahaha so dark

all I can remember from the movie is all the bottles of pee Leonardo DiCaprio kept around,

The Aviator

the fact that “till” is a word in its own right, according to Leo, the fact that all my life I’ve exhausted myself trying not to use “till” because I thought it was slang or something, not a real word, and now I find out I was wasting my time for forty years, the fact that it was not until now, till now, that anybody bothered to tell me, the fact that he claims “till” has nothing to do with “until” though, which I just don’t believe, the fact that there is no way “till” isn’t related to “until,”

ALL TRUE

Mommy, the fact that we swam while she sat on the beach in a sundress and sunglasses and read, the fact that I wish I could press rewind on my life,

the fact that it’s unbelievable but every single thing alive has its own center of being, and looks out on the world from that point of view, even a worm, or a jellyfish, hamsters, owls,

the fact that there are times, maybe the most unlikely times, that you realize you’re simply thrilled to be alive, and what a great piece of luck it is just to be a part of things, to have a body, so you can feel and see and walk the earth, for just a little while,

Fresia is in her own time zone, or time warp,

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the fact that America will either be a success or a failure,

why not both dot gif