Ducks, Newburyport

by Lucy Ellmann

holder, the fact that as a kid you think all these afterschool activities are about the activity, but maybe they’re just about getting you out of the house, teaching you independence, and giving moms a break,

yes

“But you’re ignoring the importance of the Dahlberg repercussions,”

All The President's Men

the fact that if you drop an egg on the counter or the floor or someplace, and it’s a big mess, you just put salt on it and in a minute you can wipe it all up,

good tip you can also just call your beagle into the room

the fact that people really don’t read much nowadays, well, not books anyway, the fact that I know they read stuff on their phones and all,

surely not

ducks, Newburyport,

that's the name of the book

, the fact that some bounty hunters actually caught her somewhere but then they lost her,

we saw!

the fact that Mommy made good oatmeal and raisin cookies, though I got tired of them because they were the only kind of cookie she’d make,

, the fact that they’re always talking about brownies, just to make me mad, the fact that I don’t make them,

the enemies of pie

then I dreamt about Ronny, though he didn’t look like Ronny in the dream, but I knew it was him, the fact that he was offering me some huge round, sloppy red pickled peppers, along with a bottle of chocolate beer,

no, Narrator

the fact that somehow, the fewer the voters, the more votes the Republicans get,

like, the fact that he survives that fall though, which is another kind of cartoony idea, the fact that only Bugs Bunny could live through that,

end week 4 day 2 location 14909, page 902 uk

Sean Connery hides in a parade too, a Mardi Gras parade somewhere, in whichever James Bond movie that is,

Thunderball

Cary Grant has to deal with Eva Marie

North By Northwest

the fact that I wonder what barbers make of it when their clients commit murder, the fact that every murderer must have a barber, and these barbers must catch stories about their clients on the news now and then, the fact that maybe they have a TV on in the barbershop while they’re barbering, borborygmus, and they turn on the news and see one of their clients,

all these negotiations just so that I can pay some stranger to tell me what a lousy mom I am, the fact that land sakes, my mom didn’t sit around apologizing for her parenting efforts, the fact that she had a book to write, and other books to review and stuff, and students to teach, and papers to mark, papers, paper, broken chicken ladder, the fact that I’ve already devoted, or wasted, much more time on motherhood than Mommy probably ever did, and done a lousy job of it too,

the fact that I never even wanted kids, they just sort of happened, the fact that, I mean, I like them, love them,

the fact that being a parent is just about impossible, the fact that the whole day drifts away from me so easily, the fact that, like, I never get around to cleaning behind the fridge, the fact that it’s only since Jake started his play group that I started getting anything done at all,

extremely true even when they are all in some kind of day care/school/day camp.

Fanny Trollope said that American women were “guarded by a seven-fold shield of habitual insignificance,”

Domestic Manners of the Americans

the fact that you’ll never know what sort of person you might have been if you’d read different stuff,

“B minor’s not just a key, it’s a way of life,”

ref unsure

the fact that Bach was always having disputes with his stingy employers, Bach, church boards or whatever, cathedral boards, I don’t know, the fact that anyway it was a big waste of his time but there was no avoiding it, the fact that, if those burghers and bishops or whatever thought they had anything more important to do than help Bach be Bach,

if only hindsight had the power to fix mistakes in history

“A dollar?!”,

I wish I could figure this one out.

kind of shocking the way the guy changed in an instant, from nice doggie guy to, well, domestic violence guy,

the fact that if you cared at all about women, you would never shoot some mother’s son, or daughter, the fact that you wouldn’t shoot somebody’s mom either, you wouldn’t shoot anybody, the fact that anyone who could do that just has no idea what goes into bringing up a child,

the fact that I’m innocent in my own mind, because I can’t remember what I ever did wrong,

“In my mind I’ve already divorced you,”

Bigger Than Life

the fact that you can’t assume a kid’s related to both parents anymore, and what does it matter, when they all secretly wish they were adopted anyway,

hahaha

the fact that some moms drive cars full of kids right off a bridge, and I never did that at least,

the fact that Caite and Kris say I’ve got to hang in there because she’s the kid and I’m the adult, and she still needs her mom, the fact that she doesn’t act like it much,

“He doesn’t know the territory,”

The Music Man

the fact that there’s nothing so wonderful as a tenor,

true

sourpusses, the fact that I don’t think I can listen to Trump anymore, I just can’t take any more of him, the fact that nothing he says makes any sense, the fact that I think he tires everybody out,

stupid, stupid cinnamon rolls,

really stupid lemon drizzle cakes,

the fact that I am broken, broken, the fact that there’s no room in the whole of Ohio for my needs, my desires, my dilemmas, my tragedies, my flat tires, my mommy, Mommy, the fact that I want my mommy,

hysteria, You got trouble!

The Music Man

Tradition!

Fiddler on the Roof

“Singin’ in the Rain,”

Oklahoma, JUST KIDDING

“I don’t even understand how the can-opener works,”

Hannah and Her Sisters

Mishipeshu, an Ojibwe word for underwater panther,

the fact that it sounds like the Cherokee tracker had to keep reminding the police daily of their no-shooting agreement,

if only he could remind all the police all the time #defundthepolice

the kids at school think the Cherokee tracker should get the Congressional Medal of Honor, but Trump would never give it to a guy for saving a lioness,

“a little flower sink,”

Mr Blandings Builds His Dream House

the fact that why do people even like that kind of fancy food, the fact that that’s what gets me, the fact that it’s all about paying the earth for a dot of this, a dot of that, and lots of jazzy dribbles around the side of the plate, the fact that it’s like the chicken’s dish after they’ve had their fill,

yeah well don't knock it til you try it lady

lots of restaurants don’t even want a Michelin star, because it attracts the wrong kind of customers, customers who want pre-desserts, whatever they are,

mmmmm pre-desserts

to be happy in life, and they were, 1, get an inheritance, and 2, go to Tangiers, and 3, well, I forget the third one, which is a pity because who knows, it might have been very helpful, like maybe my unconscious was really trying to tell me something and I forgot it,

he said you could do them in whatever order you wanted, it didn’t matter, like you could go to Tangiers first, and then get the inheritance, and do the other thing, whatever it was, or you could get the inheritance and then go to Tangiers, and then get or do the other thing, or you could start by doing the other thing, then inherit, then go off to Tangiers, or do the other thing and go to Tangiers and inherit, the fact that for a poor guy stuck on a mountain in Austria or Colorado or someplace, he sure was set on Tangiers,

the fact that I suddenly realized how isolated a community this was, and how they were all trying to stave boredom off in strange ways, the fact that I couldn’t tell yet myself what was so boring about trying not to slide down the mountainside all day and night, the fact that I thought that would keep you on edge all the time, but they were all used to it,

the fact that a Milwaukee woman traded sexual favors in return for mocha lattes,

over the past 5 months we've all considered it, let's be honest

the fact that science can tell you how much a stone weighs or measures, but it can’t tell you if it’s beautiful,

I think this probably isn't true; there is almost certainly a "science of beauty" that can tell you the objective features that are most common in objects that the majority of people in a particular culture find beautiful etc.