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responding to setbacks with self-compassion instead of self-criticism is the way to get back on track.
• A price pact adds a cost to getting distracted. It has been shown to be a highly effective motivator. • Price pacts are most effective when you can remove the external triggers that lead to distraction. • Price pacts work best when the distraction is temporary.
Price pacts can be difficult to start. We fear making a price pact because we know we’ll have to actually do the thing we’re scared to do. • Learn self-compassion before making a price pact.
Chapter 25 Prevent Distraction with Identity Pacts
One of the most effective ways to change our behavior is to change our identity.
“People may be more likely to vote when voting is represented as an expression of self—as symbolic of a person’s fundamental character—rather than as simply a behavior.”
“identity pact,” which is a precommitment to a self-image that helps us pursue what we really want.
By aligning our behaviors to our identity, we make choices based on who we believe we are.
Their results consistently show that teaching others provides more motivation for the teacher to change their own behavior than if the teacher learned from an expert.
“Even when they are not embedded in years of tradition, simple rituals can help us build personal discipline and self-control.”
Identity greatly influences our behavior. People tend to align their actions with how they see themselves.
An identity pact is a precommitment to a self-image. You can prevent distraction by acting in line with your identity.
Become a noun. By assigning yourself a moniker, you increase the likelihood of following through with behaviors consistent with what you call yourself. Call yourself “indistractable.”
Share with others. Teaching others solidifies your commitment, even if you’re still struggling. A great way to be indistractable is to tell friends about what you learned in this book and the changes you’re making in your life.
Adopt rituals. Repeating mantras, keeping a timeboxed schedule, or performing other routines reinforces your identity and influences your future actions.
Part 5 How to Make Your Workplace Indistractable
Chapter 26 Distraction Is a Sign of Dysfunction
Answering emails during your child’s soccer game trains colleagues to expect quick responses during times that were previously off-limits; as a result, requests from the office mutate personal or family time into work time.
Jobs where employees encounter high expectations and low control have been shown to lead to symptoms of depression. • Depression-like symptoms are painful. When people feel bad, they use distractions to avoid their pain and regain a sense of control. • Tech overuse at work is a symptom of a dysfunctional company culture. • More tech use makes the underlying problems worse, perpetuating a “cycle of responsiveness.”
Fixing Distraction Is a Test of Company Culture
In her TEDx talk, Edmondson defines psychological safety as “a belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes.” Speaking up sounds easy, but if you don’t feel psychological safety you’ll keep your concerns and ideas to yourself.
Don’t suffer in silence. A workplace where people can’t talk about technology overuse is also one where people keep other important issues (and insights) to themselves.
• Knowing that your voice matters is essential. Teams that foster psychological safety and facilitate regular open discussions about concerns not only have fewer problems with distraction but also have happier employees and customers.
Chapter 28 The Indistractable Workplace
• Indistractable organizations, like Slack and BCG, foster psychological safety, provide a place for open discussions about concerns, and, most important, have leaders who exemplify the importance of doing focused work.
How to Raise Indistractable Children
(And Why We All Need Psychological Nutrients)
Chapter 29 Avoid Convenient Excuses
Of course, technology plays a role. Smartphone apps and video games are designed to be engaging, just as sugar is meant to be delicious. But like the parents who blame a “sugar high” for their kid’s bad behavior, blaming devices is a surface-level answer to a deep question. Easy answers mean we can avoid having to look into the dark and complex truth underlying why kids behave the way they do. But we can’t fix the problem unless we look at it clearly, free of media-hyped myths, to understand the root causes.
Stop deflecting blame. When kids don’t act the way parents want, it’s natural to look for answers that help parents divert responsibility. • Techno-panics are nothing new. From the book, to the radio, to video games, the history of parenting is strewn with moral panic over things supposedly making kids act in strange ways. • Tech isn’t evil. Used in the right way and in the right amounts, kids’ tech use can be beneficial, while too much (or too little) can have slightly harmful effects. • Teach kids to be indistractable. Teaching children how to manage distraction will benefit
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Chapter 30 Understand Their Internal Triggers
Just as the human body requires three macronutrients (protein, carbohydrates, and fat) to run properly, Ryan and Deci proposed the human psyche needs three things to flourish: autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
LESSON 1: KIDS NEED AUTONOMY—VOLITION AND FREEDOM OF CONTROL OVER THEIR CHOICES
LESSON 2: CHILDREN STRIVE FOR COMPETENCE—MASTERY, PROGRESSION, ACHIEVEMENT, AND GROWTH
LESSON 3: THEY SEEK RELATEDNESS—FEELING IMPORTANT TO OTHERS AND THAT OTHERS ARE IMPORTANT TO THEM
We can’t solve all our kids’ troubles—nor should we attempt to—but we can try to better understand their struggles through the lens of their psychological needs. Knowing what’s really driving their overuse of technology is the first step to helping kids build resilience instead of escaping discomfort through distraction. Once our kids feel understood, they can begin planning how best to spend their time.
• Internal triggers drive behavior. To understand how to help kids manage distraction, we need to start by understanding the source of the problem.
Our kids need psychological nutrients. According to a widely accepted theory of human motivation, all people need three things to thrive: a sense of autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
• Distractions satisfy deficiencies. When our kids’ psychological needs are not met in the real world, they go looking for satisfaction—often in virtual environments.
Kids need alternatives. Parents and guardians can take steps to help kids find balance between their online and offline worlds by providing more offline opportunities to find autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
• The four-part Indistractable Model is valuable for kids as well. Teach them methods for handling distraction, and, most important, model being indistractable yourself.
Chapter 31 Make Time for Traction Together
Without a clear plan, many kids are left to make impulsive decisions that often involve digital distraction.
Empowering children with the autonomy to control their own time is a tremendous gift. Even if they fail from time to time, failure is part of the learning process.
Teach traction. With so many potential distractions in kids’ lives, teaching them how to make time for traction is critical.
• Just as with our own timeboxed schedules, kids can learn how to make time for what’s important to them. If they don’t learn to make their own plans in advance, kids will turn to distractions.
It’s OK to let your kids fail. Failure is how we learn. Show kids how to adjust their schedules to make time to live up to their values.
Chapter 32 Help Them with External Triggers
Teach your children to swim before they dive in. Like swimming in a pool, children should not be allowed to partake in certain risky behaviors before they are ready.
Test for tech readiness. A good measure of a child’s readiness is the ability to manage distraction by using the settings on the device to turn off external triggers.
