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Kindle Notes & Highlights
Practice kindness when it’s easy—it can be as simple as just looking up, smiling, and saying hi to the checker at the grocery store. The more you smile at strangers, the easier it will be for you to be kind (including to yourself) when all you want to do is throttle someone.
Connect with folks who will respond to your challenges with support and understanding. It might be a cousin or your minister or a parent at your child’s preschool.
Treating yourself with kindness in the face of smaller gaffes and missteps will help prepare you for the most challenging moments.
Kindness pulls from your prefrontal cortex (your adulting brain), and as you bring that part of your brain online, you’re turning down the power to your limbic system, the crazy toddler bouncing around inside your skull.
May I be happy. May I be healthy. Maybe I be safe. May I live with ease.
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you live with ease. May you give me a little space so I don’t strangle you.
Reducing the number of choices and decisions you have to deal with on a regular basis K Clearing your schedule and reducing your obligations K Reducing the amount of information you take in K Calming and focusing your thoughts
Decreasing the physical clutter in your house is a great place to start. The less crap you have around, the less crap you have to deal with, the easier it is to find what you need when you need it, and the more money you will have for stuff or experiences you really want or need to spend it on.
Notice where you tend to get into choice battles with your kids, and limit the options.
Let go of as many decisions as you can. Let your kids or parenting partner make the choices in their lives that you don’t care about or mostly don’t care about.
Make choices when it’s easier to do so.
Try to notice when you’re repeatedly struggling with a decision or choice, and see if you can find a calmer, less stressful time to figure it out.
Remove the choices altogether. Make the rules and tattoo them on your forehead or hang them on the wall if you have to.
Consider the big picture.
Go easy on the kids’ extracurriculars.
You don’t need to be at every practice or rehearsal. Set up a carpool. Drop the kid off and go run an errand or grab yourself a cup of coffee.
Remember that your schedule will change as your kids get older.
Let it go. You’re not going to get everything done now. If you keep putting something on your list week after week, maybe it’s time to move that item to a different list, perhaps Shit That Will Get Done Once the Kids Move Out.
K Pick one or two news sources and check in with them a couple of times a day, not more.
Social media works for some folks but not everyone. The next time you find yourself scrolling and tapping, pay attention to how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking.
Be selective about what you expose yourself to.
Focus on what you’re doing. (Narrating your experience can help.) K Sing your favorite song.
Count to eight or eighty-eight or anything in between, and then start again from one. K Recite your favorite poem or joke. K Repeat a prayer or mantra. K Learn how to meditate. This is the explicit practice of noticing your thoughts and choosing not to get caught up in them. (More on this in Chapter 8.) K Find something to be grateful for. (More on this shortly.)
Exercise reduces the levels of those hormones in your body and increases the neurochemicals that decrease pain and heal your body. Less stress + less pain = less shit loss.
Ask a friend to walk or go to the batting cages with you.
Spending time in silence even for a few minutes every day is crucial for our sanity for a number of reasons, including lowering our stress levels and cooling down our buttons.
Rushing sends a message to our brains and nervous systems that we need to kick into flight mode, whether or not we actually do.
1. Recognize that you’re in a negative headspace.
2. Find something to appreciate. If you can find something that has to do with whatever you’re struggling with, that’s great, but it’s not necessary.
3. Repeat Steps 1 and 2 as often as necessary.
The key move for each of these practices is noticing. Notice that you’re exhausted, or doing thirteen things at once, or scrambling when you have plenty of time, or that you’ve been holding your breath for the better part of a decade.
Making time for your BuRPs will help you stay more present and patient when you’re with your children again.
The whole point of getting away is to calm yourself down, not work yourself into a lather before you even get back home.
K Let other people take care of your children.
K Drop them off at playdates, and let other parents do the same at your house.
K Drop them off at practices.
K Carpool. Carpool. Carpool.
K Accept the help.
K Either pay attention to your children or ignore them.
If you want or need to do something without the kids, get them involved with a toy, book, or game, and then leave them alone.
If you have babies and toddlers at home, start training them now. You’d be surprised how long little ones can entertain themselves with a few blocks or balls given the chance.
K Let them wait.
Learning to be patient and wait for your turn is a major life skill, so get ’em going early.
K Don’t give a happy child ice cream.
If your child is happy, leave well enough alone. Don’t get involved in their game or homework or sandcastle or whatever they’re doing. Resist the urge to praise, ask questions, or offer them help. Enjoy the opportunity for a little downtime; they’ll need you soon enough.
Tolerate your children’s boredom so they can learn to do the same. Being bored is part of life, so your kids might as well learn how to deal with it now.
K Let them figure it out on their own.
It’s even more exhausting if you’ve got a kid who asks for help the instant things get even slightly hard. Resist the urge to jump right in; instead mumble something about being right there, honey, and give them a couple of minutes to struggle.
K Resist the urge to referee every fight.
K Try not to take your kid’s crap personally.
