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How to Stop Losing Your Shit with Your Kids: A Practical Guide to Becoming a Calmer, Happier Parent
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How to Stop Losing Your Shit with Your Kids: A Practical Guide to Becoming a Calmer, Happier Parent

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4.10  ·  Rating details ·  1,033 ratings  ·  187 reviews
Stop the yelling, lose the guilt, and become a calmer, happier parent.
 

Drawing on evidence-based practices, here is an insight-packed and tip-filled plan for how to stop the parental meltdowns. Its compassionate, pragmatic approach will help readers feel less ashamed and more empowered to get their, ahem, act together instead of losing it.
 
“Using a powerful combination
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Kindle Edition, 225 pages
Published August 20th 2019 by Workman Publishing Company (first published 2019)
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Average rating 4.10  · 
Rating details
 ·  1,033 ratings  ·  187 reviews


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Genevieve Trono
Apr 19, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I remember so clearly the kind of parent I was going to be before I had kids...and then I became a parent. Our kids are kind, funny, curious, loving and they can totally make me lose my shit. We have two boys who are two years apart in age and parenting can feel like a total rollercoaster ride. No matter how hard you try, you are not going to be a perfect parent.

"When it comes to parenting, being awesome and screwing up are not mutually exclusive." -Carla Naumburg

I can recall with such vivid me
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Kelly Winters
It's probably bad to say that a 200 page book felt way too long, but that's how I felt while reading this book. At times it felt like there was just filler and could have easily been cut down. The reason this bothers me is that as a parent, when I'm reading a parenting book, I don't want the filler like I might in a novel for entertainment. I just want the information to improve my parenting and move on to actually implementing that information.

Despite being longer than needed, I felt like the
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Danielle
Dec 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book is amazing. This is the first parenting book I have ever read cover to cover. It’s readable, informative and memorable. Carla Naumburg’s style feels like you’re talking with one of your best friends. It helps that when I read it I can hear her voice from listening to her on podcasts (most often on Mindful Mama Mentor with Hunter Clarke-Fields). I am going to keep this book close and refer to it often. I read out several passages to my husband. She also has an amazing summary section at ...more
Jevgenij
Jan 10, 2020 rated it liked it
There is a lot of repetition and not needed information in this book, and there is also a very good summary on less than 10 pages in the end, which I wish I read instead of the whole book, as there was little to none new information for me there. Sleep, exercise, manage stress and notice when you lose your shit - that's basically all.
However, it's written with plenty of humor and in general the advice is sound.
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Charul Palmer-Patel
The premise is solid but a lot of it is waffle/filler and so many points are obvious if you step back and have a chance to think about it. (Like more sleep = more chill)
Nanci Butler
Aug 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Finally, a parenting book that doesn't mince words (I mean, the title alone kind of says it all!), isn't judgy or shaming, and offers doable, practical advice with a splash of humor. As a parent, I found this book to be helpful and really appreciated the author's authenticity and hilarity (if you like potty humor or joking about gas among other things, or if you're used to people who live with you thinking gas and poop is funny, then you'll think the author's humor is funny too). Parenting can b ...more
Evan
Apr 30, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: parenting, 2020
Centered on giving oneself adequate self-care to prevent, or at least reduce the occurrence of, oneself from becoming triggered in the first place and being aware/mindful of the events, settings, precursors to one losing one's shit so that the impending loss of shit can be avoided. This is sound advice and is all well and good, but time for self-care and the awareness/mindfulness to see a shit-losing episode coming are not often available; still, making time for and practicing both are worthwhil ...more
Lisa Hacker
Sep 13, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Highly recommend this book! If you think you would enjoy a parenting book with aphorisms like "Perfection can suck it" and clever acronyms like Feelings, Automatic, Reactive, Toxic (FART) and Button Reducing Practices (BuRP), as well as evidence- and reality-based advice, definitely give this a try. I borrowed this from the library, but ended up buying my own copy because I fully intend on referring back to this in the future...and forcing my husband to read it. ...more
Alexander
All the real advice is in the last 2 chapters and the book spends so much time spinning its wheels and repeating itself that hearing essentially "you need to calm down" did not go over well. ...more
Best_books
I probably shouldn’t read self help books. I am not a connoisseur but I have only ever really liked Matt Haig’s take on therapy and I wonder if this because it feels like an autobiography rather than chapter after chapter of the same sentences with words in a different order.

This book has some valuable messages - losing your shit with your kids is not ideal, parents need to find ways to come down from the brink when they are ‘triggered’ and realisation of pressure points and understanding how to
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J
Sep 14, 2019 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Didn't finish. Couldn't finish. Too smarmy to be likable or helpful. I'm really hoping this trend of swearing, low-brow self-help books ends soon. ...more
Sarah
Dec 10, 2019 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
3.5

I appreciated how applicable some of the suggestions were, not just with kids but in my every day work life.
Rebecca Rogers
Jul 26, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I am finding the guidance in this book useful. Some of it is common sense, but we all need reminding of that sometimes, as it's all too easy to get caught up in repetitive behaviours, especially when you're triggered and fuming.

I liked that there's some science behind how how brains work and how children's brain's work. It helps me to make sense of our behaviours and why my 7 year old can't do things I have been unreasonably expecting her to do.

The guidance is given in good humour, and makes you
...more
Jessica
Mar 10, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This is just what I like in a parenting book — concise, practical, and relatable. Her tone is chatty and she intentionally uses silly acronyms, so know that upfront if that's not your style, but she also has a Ph.D. and relevant experience working with different parents so she's not just armchair theorizing about what works. She makes jokes but doesn't go off on tangents or try to assume she knows what you're thinking. I also appreciate how she attempts to make it broadly applicable; she covers ...more
Jessie
Apr 30, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is excellent. It's really a manifesto for being a calmer, less reactive person with information on how that can carry over into parenting. Most of the book could be repackaged and retitled simply "How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t". And it actually follows through on the title.

I recognized myself SO MANY times in Naumburg's descriptions of her own triggers and anxieties, and her suggestions for dealing with them are concrete and completely doable. (I am now a dedicated single-tasker.) No shaming
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Candace Hudson
Jan 24, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Found myself letting my 6 year old push my buttons then I would raise my voice (which I do not like to do). Found this book on Amazon that had good reviews. This is NOT a book about getting your kids to behave. This IS a book about how as a parent you can manage yourself and find your triggers so you don't snap (or raising your voice) at your kids. This is a book about what you need as a parent to not be so stressed out rather than strategies for getting your youngsters to listen. I felt the boo ...more
Kate Howard
Jun 27, 2020 rated it really liked it
I think this book is exactly what I needed for such a trying period of parenting. My major take aways were about noticing when I feel triggered, how to work on SINGLE-TASKING so my brain isn’t overworked/overstimulated, putting down my damn toxic phone, and focusing on getting myself QUALITY sleep. I’ve already implemented a bunch of changes and feel so much better and happier around my kids. And, by extension, they are playing more harmoniously too. We won’t always be perfect, but our kids will ...more
Ann T
Jun 16, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
3.5 - 4 stars

This is a great book for reaching parents who have no understanding of mindfulness but would benefit from learning about it.

It was an easy read with lots of practical, easy to understand advice. If you have read any books on mindfulness, a lot of content won’t be new to you, however the content is still incredibly valuable. I like how the author has marketed the book, using ‘strategies for stressed out parents ‘ rather than “mindfulness and self-compassion on tough days”.

I hope the
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Claire Perko
I really enjoyed this book. Carla Naumburg does a great job of talking to parents like they are good friends. The book focuses on the parent and how we are triggered and how we can change. This is not a shaming book, but it definitely doesn’t let parents off the hook. It is a good balance of tough love, great advice, and empathy since she has been there, and still is there, and so is everyone else. There is good parenting advice and just good life advice in general about taking care of ourselves ...more
Reed
Aug 30, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I have read many parenting books and this one is Awesome! It offers sound advice and does so in a non preachy way with humor and understanding. The author is in the trenches with you boosting you out with her realistic strategies. Not like some other authors of parenting books who seem to be outside the trench or in a higher end of the the trench throwing down unrealistic / only in a perfect world strategies that are like throwing you a rope ladder that is just too short.
A must read for parents!
Brianna
Nov 21, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is an approachable and accessible book about how to notice your triggers. The language is very easy to read and the author does a great job of being curious and kind about understanding and minimizing your buttons.

I appreciated the practical advice and the neurobiology most. Wish I had taken notes if I'm honest but the author does include a quick summary at the back which is very helpful. I think even a sleep deprived brain could gain nuggets from this. Recommend.
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Nara
Jan 29, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: parenting, favorites
This is a GREAT book. Affirming, funny as shit, and really, really concretely helpful. This and the Nagoskis' Burnout are really going to change my life in significant ways. Good for anyone who loses their shit with anyone, honestly. Great mnemonics, great phrasing, great wry empathy for the ways that shit loss is the unspoken shame of parenting.

I'm also reading a book on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, but honestly, almost everything in this and Burnout is aligned and a much better explanati
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Samantha W.
I definitely enjoyed reading this book. A lot of it reminded me of my mindfulness class I took two years ago. Being aware of your thoughts, know those aren't necessarily truthful, knowing what you're feeling etc. I did appreciate that she encouraged us to do less. Definitely recommend for mommas. ...more
Danielle Hendricks
Jul 14, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This was a fantastic book about parenting and how to be more intentional about staying calm in that role. It was like counseling in a book and her humor made it enjoyable to read. We’ve all lost it on our kids at some point and so many of her points seem simple but are incredibly helpful. If you’re looking for a reset with your kids this ones for you.
Andrea
Feb 09, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
As someone who regularly loses their sh!t with their children, I found this book to be so on point, practical and relatable. I feel like I’ll actually be able to follow her advice and make concrete improvements.
Erica
Jul 17, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I found this parenting book more helpful than most-you have to master yourself first. Helpful tips.
Maggie
Sep 04, 2020 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Bleh. Hokey acronyms and common sense mostly. Could have been a blog post. Read The Conscious Parent instead!
Margaret
Oct 11, 2020 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This book could have been a third as long and been just as informative. What actively annoyed me though were the endless acronym “mnemonics” that I immediately forgot the meanings of— BURPS, JADED, and so on. No need! Use regular old-fashioned words and let us get it via repetition, please.
Margaret Heller
May 04, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: babiesomg
I saw an emergency pandemic parenting webinar she gave last month, and had to read this. It's extremely helpful, and makes me feel a lot better about my ability to come back from my constant parenting mistakes. There are times where the casual writing gets old to me, but overall I really enjoyed this. ...more
Audrey Monke
Aug 13, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Know your “buttons,” and what makes them bigger, brighter, & easier for your kids to push AND learn strategies for not losing it & yelling at your kids as much. Naumburg normalizes the challenges of parenting & shares specific, actionable strategies for making our buttons smaller & not so easily pushable. Her strategies are helpful for more than just parent/child relationships... This quick, easy read will help you feel less guilt and figure out what actions even the most un-zen among us can tak ...more
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Carla Naumburg, PhD, is a clinical social worker, writer, and speaker. She is the author of three parenting books:
- How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids (Workman, 2019)
- Ready, Set, Breathe: Practicing Mindfulness with Your Children for Fewer Meltdowns and a More Peaceful Family (New Harbinger, 2015)
- Parenting in the Present Moment: How to Stay Focused on What Really Matters (Parallax, 201
...more

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“Questions to Ask Yourself Before, During, or After You Lose Your Shit Once you’re calm enough to think clearly, here are some curiosity questions that might be useful: K What am I thinking? What am I feeling? K What is happening in my body? Am I exhausted? In pain? In need of food, water, or caffeine? K What is triggering me? What else is going on in my life? K Is the time of day or year relevant to my situation? Are there any major events coming up that might be stressing me out? K How can I calm myself down? What do I need right now? What can I put down or let go of, even for just a few minutes? K What do my kids need? Why are they pushing my buttons? Are they tired, hungry, or getting sick? Are they dealing with any major transitions or changes? Developmental milestones? K Who can I text or call for help or a break?” 0 likes
“children will be more likely to push buttons when they’re triggered—because they’re tired, hungry, confused, scared, excited, anxious, or otherwise overwhelmed by Big Feelings. It is totally reasonable to help your children in these moments, to redirect, feed, or soothe them. Each time you do that, you’re modeling an effective way to respond to their triggers. Just remember, it is not your job to get them to stop pushing. Your job is to teach them, again and again, to notice and respond skillfully to their triggers” 0 likes
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