How to Stop Losing Your Shit with Your Kids: A Practical Guide to Becoming a Calmer, Happier Parent

by Carla Naumburg

Your meltdowns use up precious time and energy without actually fixing the problem or preventing it from happening again, and they make it harder for you to be the kind of parent you want to be. To top it all off, you’re also modeling the very behavior you don’t want to see in your kids.

The secret to staying calm is self-awareness; it’s about noticing you’re about to explode and giving yourself a chance to calm down.

We can’t force ourselves to feel a particular way; all we can do is notice that we’re actually having a feeling so we can choose how to respond.

Over time, your explosions will literally rewire your brain, and not in a good way. The more you lose it with your kids, the stronger and more connected your “lose it” neuronal pathways will become, allowing your brain to freak out more quickly and easily in the future.

Our temperament and energy levels help set the tone for the house. Every time we freak out, we raise the level of tension in our homes, which is exhausting and can create painful rifts in family connections.

You’re doing an incredibly hard job, and you’re doing it without the right information, support, resources, and rest.

And some children, regardless of their temperament or temper are, quite simply, a better fit for their parents. Their style, whether they’re early birds or night owls, loud or quiet, adventure seekers or homebodies, matches well with the rest of the family. And some kids just don’t. The painful truth that no one wants to talk about is that some kids are just harder to parent.

Each time we get enough sleep, move our bodies, stretch, breathe, spend time with friends, do a crossword puzzle, read a book, and take care of ourselves in basic ways, we’re calming those buttons down.

A few hours after my daughter was born, I called my grandfather with the good news. “Well,” he said in a gravelly voice, “it’s a crisis, but you’ll get through it.” I wasn’t sure what to make of his response, so I wrote it off as the rambling of a cranky old man. Now I realize he was the only one speaking the truth.

Children are needy and unpredictable and inconvenient, and I wasn’t prepared for any of it.

Sleep deprivation impacts every aspect of your emotional, psychological, and physical functioning. It messes with your judgment, clouds your thinking, screws up your mood, and makes you way more likely to lose your shit. You might as well be drunk, but not the happy, chill kind. You’re the snappy, cranky, unaware, stupid, shit-losing kind of drunk.