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April 19 - April 20, 2025
you scare the crap out of your children often enough, they’ll do whatever you want just to keep you from losing it again. But walking on eggshells around someone is not the same as respecting them, and as soon as your kids are old enough to take some control over their time and space, they’re going to react to you the same way you did the last time you worked for an explosive, unpredictable boss: AVOID. AVOID. AVOID. Once
remember that it’s not your job to keep your kids happy. Big emotions don’t need to be fixed, they need to be felt. Children need to learn that there’s nothing wrong with feeling sad or mad or embarrassed or confused and that eventually those feelings will pass. If you can’t tolerate their meltdowns, they won’t be able to either. It all starts with you, so saddle up and get ready.
Ignore the kids. I’m not kidding. Teach and encourage them to entertain themselves. Let them be bored; it really is good for them. You don’t have to be constantly attentive to your child, and you sure as hell don’t need to involve yourself in their play.
If you can pretend your kids are someone else’s, then their behavior is way, way less likely to push yours.
It is not your job to make your child happy. It is your job to keep them as safe as possible, and to help them mature and grow into reasonably functional adults. A big part of that is learning how to experience and deal with a variety of emotions, including the shitty ones. Letting your kids feel their feelings without getting caught up in them or needing to fix them is an effective way to get a little headspace from their chaos. Stay with your children and offer comfort if they need you, but remember that there’s nothing wrong with feeling bad, and it will pass.
Notice what you’re doing. It’s crazy to think we could do something without being aware of it, but our brains shift into autopilot whenever they can in order to preserve resources and energy.
