How to Stop Losing Your Shit with Your Kids: A Practical Guide to Becoming a Calmer, Happier Parent

by Carla Naumburg

For my husband, who rarely loses his shit and still loves me no matter how often I lose mine

it is not your job to get them to stop pushing. Your job is to teach them, again and again, to notice and respond skillfully to their triggers

The secret to staying calm is self-awareness; it’s about noticing you’re about to explode and giving yourself a chance to calm down.

What you need to remember is that (a) losing your shit is an emotional reaction, not a rational one, and (b) we don’t have nearly as much control over our feelings as we’d like to think. We can’t force ourselves to feel a particular way; all we can do is notice that we’re actually having a feeling so we can choose how to respond.

Whatever it is, and whenever it happened, identifying the thing you are reacting to is crucial.

Over time, your explosions will literally rewire your brain, and not in a good way. The more you lose it with your kids, the stronger and more connected your “lose it” neuronal pathways will become, allowing your brain to freak out more quickly and easily in the future.

We’re demonstrating the very behaviors we’re trying to decrease and we’re modeling a relationship style we surely don’t want them to repeat later in life.