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February 4 - February 19, 2024
Don’t give a happy child ice cream.
“I’m bored”: “Thanks for the update!” “If you need something to do, you can always clean your room / take out the garbage / feed the dog / [insert chore of choice here].” “I know you’ll figure something out.” “I’m Mom/Dad. Nice to meet you!”
“You asked and I answered,” which can be shortened to “Asked and answered.”
It is not your job to make your child happy. It is your job to keep them as safe as possible, and to help them mature and grow into reasonably functional adults. A
Remember, FARTing is about strong Feelings, Automatic Reactions, and Toxic behaviors. The next time you feel like you’re losing it, just put down your phone, offload the children, and spend thirty minutes sweating on the elliptical instead.
“I’m feeling pretty stressed, and I’m about to snap at you. I need to calm down. You can breathe quietly with me, but if you nag or whine at me, I will probably bite your head off.”
Remind yourself that parenting is hard and that it’s OK that it’s hard.
So hold off on The Big Talk until everyone is cooled off again. There’s an easy way to remember this: connection before redirection. So calm down, apologize to your child, and own your shit.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I felt frustrated when you didn’t put your shoes on. But yelling wasn’t a good choice, and I apologize. Maybe we can try to help each other and be a team; you try hard to be a good listener and I’ll try hard not to shout again. How does that sound?”
We’re not going for a Life Plan here, we’re just going for a Survive-Until-Bedtime Plan.
The four nonnegotiable BuRPs (Button Reduction Practices) for cooling down your buttons are Single-Tasking, Sleep, Support, and Self-Compassion.
The following BurRPs will also help you stay calm in the face of chaos: Simplify, Stretch, Seek Silence, Slow Down, Say Thank You, and Breathe.
The Happy Kid Handbook: How to Raise Joyful Children in a Stressful World by Katie Hurley
How to Be a Happier Parent: Raising a Family, Having a Life, and Loving (Almost) Every Minute by KJ Dell’Antonia
Strong as a Mother: How to Stay Healthy, Happy, and (Most Importantly) Sane from Pregnancy to Parenthood: The Only Guide to Taking Care of YOU! by Kate Rope
The Tantrum Survival Guide: Tune In to Your Toddler’s Mind (and Your Own) to Calm the Craziness and Make Family Fun Again by Rebecca Schrag Hershberg, PhD
